Even If It Kills Me (One Direction and The Vamps Fan Fiction)

Chapter 15

Emma's POV

After James left the room, I decided that I needed to go back to the rooftop to breathe. I didn't bother eating the breakfast James gave me either. I couldn't even think about food; all I can imagine is Katie's reaction if she hears that I was with Niall last night.

Katie has always been one to jump to conclusions, not one to listen all the time. I'm scared because I know that she has a thing for Niall.

I finally just leave and go to the rooftop. I stand there looking out over the city, Niall's shirt that I'm wearing flapping in the breeze. I'm just so lost. Harry and Tristan have been so sweet to me, well and Niall, but I know that I can never have a relationship with any of them.

I won't be able to live with paparrazzi on my back and having to have fans talking trash about me. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I finally come out of my thoughts to hear the door open. I turn around to see Katie staring at me; furious, with tears threatening to spill. She immediantly turns around and sprints down the stairs as I yell after her.

I know I can't chase her, especially not with my injuries where it even hurts to walk.

I look up and see that I've actually been up here all day. Well that's weird.

I walk back to the edge of the building, next to the railing and immediantly burst into tears.

I can't lose Katie. She's one of the only friends I've had and one of my closet friends. We've gone through too much together to have our relationship end because of some boy. Well a great boy.

Or have we not gone through too much?

I know for a fact that nobody needs me here. I could disappear off the face of the earth, and I doubt anyone would notice. And that hurts.

I swear that these people are only my friends because they pity me.

So what's the point in living if I don't make a difference and no one cares for me?

That was the exact question that was running through my head as I stepped onto the other side of the railing. I looked down to see the city below me, rushing by going about their business.

I know that this is the right choice. I'm just a stupid burden anyway.

I've never really been afraid of heights, so this should be pretty easy. I close my eyes and just feel the breeze around me.

I almost feel like I hear someone calling for me, but I'm positive I'm imagining it.

All of the sudden, a strong pair of arms grabs me by my waist and pulls me to the other side, and into their chest.

"Don't you ever do that to me," Tristan says. I look up to see the tears flowing down his face. "Why?"

"I'm not needed here, Tristan," I explain. "Everyone's only my friends because the pity me anyway. No one really cares."

"I care so much for you it hurts," Tristan whispers into my hair as he pulls me back in, as if he's afraid I'll leave him.

"I just can't do this anymore," I tell Tristan as the tears begin to flow down my face.

"Please just stay here, on this earth, for me. Please," Tristan pleas.

He pulls me away from him to see if I agree. I nod my head. He pulls me in for another hug and kisses my forhead.

"Just remember that I will always be here for you," he explains to me. "Now go get your best friend back."

I nod my head. "Thank you," I tell him as I start to leave him to go find Katie and explain. He smiles at me as I leave, sending butterflies to flutter throughtout my stomach.

I am so falling for him.

***

I walk into the room to see Katie sitting in her bed, she gives me the evil eye.

"5 minutes," I tell her. "That's all I ask."

"Fine." Katie says rudely.

"Where's Cat?" I ask.

"I don't know, but don't waste time. So," She starts to say.

"Why were you crying?" She asked it more as if she's annoyed with me, like I don't deserve to cry.

I decide to leave out the Tristan moment on the roof and say,"I can't lose my best friend."

"Oh so you think we're best friends after what you did?" she yells at me.

"Let me explain," I tell her calmly.

"Your 5 minutes start now," she says as she sits down in a chair, ready for my story.

"I went for a walk in the park and things didn't end well. Niall ended up... saving me," I explain. "He took me back to his room since I didn't want to deal with anyone asking me what happened since I looked so terrifying. He let me borrow his clothes since mine were wet. That night we slept in the same bed, but we both agreed that we could never think of eachother as more then brother and sister. He's the brother I never had, nothing more."

"Why were you wet?" she asks.

"They threw me into that pond," I reply.

"One more question," she says. "What took you so long to come down here to talk to me?"

Shoot. I don't think she needs to hear about how I was going to jump so I lie. "Tristan convinced me that I needed to go talk to you."

"I can tell when you're not telling a full story, Emma," Katie explains. "What happened on the roof?"

"Why do you care so much about that?" I ask instead of replying.

"Because I know you, Emma," she explains. "And I'm scared for you..."

"I was going to jump..." I say quietly as I sit down on the bed.

Katie shoots up from her chair and tackles me to the bed with a hug. "Thanks for telling the truth about the story. Sorry that I just jumped to conclusions," she says, apologizing. "Just never do that again? Okay?"

"Okay," I respond smiling.

"Good. Now let's go see the boys," Katie says as she pulls me up on my feet to go talk to them.

"No," I say, trying to resist her pull. "What will Tristan do when he sees me? Sure he saw me on the roof, but he's going to ask at some point who did it... I can't tell him that it was his fault, since it wasn't. It was my fault. So. What do I do?"

"You tell me who did this to you so I can beat them up."

Before I can even turn to see who said that, I feel a pair of arms pull me into an embrace. I finally realize who it is by the voice and how their arms feel around me.

"Harry," I say. "I'm fine. That's all that matters."

"I don't believe you," he says quietly so only I hear.

He's right. I'm not okay. I don't think I ever will be. I have anxiety attacks and want to jump off of buildings. Nobody will ever love me. They can't.

I am bound to be forever alone. And it's time to accept that.

By: flicka602