Even If It Kills Me (One Direction and The Vamps Fan Fiction)

Chapter 54

Tristan's POV

"Well this sucks."

"What does?" James asks me.

"Well we are heading to Paris, the city of love, and you got Katie and Brad's got Cat back," I tell James, gesturing to his girlfriend asleep next to him on the plane while Cat and Brad cuddle across the aisle. "And Emma is..."

I hate this.

I feel so hopeless without her sometimes. Everything I do reminds me of Emma. Missing her has become a daily routine of internal pain that is sometimes shown externally. I hate it.

Why did she leave exactly is my question.

One second we were kissing, next I'm beating up Harry (which we both apologized for), and then she says she shouldn't have even come and met us.

And she's gone the next day.

Was it because there was too much pressure? She tried to tell me earlier that she shouldn't have come, but I convinced her that then I wouldn't know her if she never came.

She does have anxiety sometimes and she's claustrophobic and shy, so maybe it was just all too much?

Or maybe it was just... Me.

"Tris, you got Connor!" James suggests, trying to cheer me up.

I sigh. "You mean the slug over there who does nothing but sleep?"

I look over my shoulder to the row behind us to see Connor sound asleep and snoring.

"Eh he's not that bad when he's awake."

James and I finally stop talking and James slowly drifts off to sleep, his hand holding Katie's even as they sleep.

I attempt to sleep a little bit but I know it won't work. I don't know the last time I slept well. I can't sleep without having Emma in my arms or at least knowing she's safe. She could be dea-

But I can't afford to think like that.

I already constantly have nightmares of where she is.

Drowning.

In an alley crying.

Being chased.

The possibilities are endless of where she may be and that's what kills me.

But I swear.

I will find her.

Even if it kills me.

***

"Brad, I think I'm going to stay in the hotel and try to catch up on sleep," I lie to Brad once we are at the hotel in downtown Paris.

"Nope," he says. "We're going sight seeing and your coming with us."

"It'll be fun," Cat suggests as she looks up at Brad. None of them know what to do with me anymore and they tend to look at each other for suggestions.

But the way Cat looks at Brad is special.

It's the way I would look at Emma.

It's full of amazement, wonder, and admiration towards that person. It's a look full of love even.

I quickly look away from them. "Fine," I agree as I slip a grey beanie onto my head. Emma told me before a concert once that she thought I looked good in beanies....

We head out of the hotel and decide to meet One Direction at a local cafe for lunch before we see the sites.

I couldn't care less.