What Would It Take For You To Change?

Caraphernelia

Last Chapert was restricted just incase you didn't see it :p

Chapter 14: Caraphernelia

~Jenna's POV~

Thursday

I woke up in this shitty hospital room, the last thing I remember was my mom was here and I fell asleep, but that was yesterday. I looked down at my arm, there were 2 needles poked inside my vein. I made the stupid decision to poke them to see if it hurt, and yes, yes it did.

The nurse came in with a tray of pills and water. "Please take these" She said trying to be sweet. I wanted to ask what they were but I know that if I hear the words it would make this whole situation seem too real.

The nurse smiled when I willingly took the pills and told me the doctor would be in soon to check on me. I gave her my best fake smile and she left.

"Mrs. May" A man said as he walked in, must be the doctor. "Hello, I'm Dr. Hunter, how are you feeling?"

How am I feeling? Are you kidding me!? "I'm fine" I managed to say without any anger showing. How do you expect me to feel after all that happened?

"Jenna, do you know why you are in here?"

"Because I made a mistake" I never meant to bleed out. I just needed to be numb for a little while.

"Jenna, I need you to be honest with me. Okay?" He said softly as he sat next to the bed. "Was your goal yesterday to end your life?"

"No" I was getting really anxious, I hate talking about myself.

"Then may I ask why you did this yesterday" He motioned towards my legs. I still haven't looked, I'm too scared.

"I was upset, and needed to be numb."

"How long have you being cutting yourself?"

"Awhile" I didn't want him to know the truth. Tears were slipping out of my eyes as the events of yesterday kept re-playing in my head.

Dr. Hunter let out a sigh at my answer, "Do you harm yourself in other ways?"

"No" I lied through my teeth. I hate questions, I always feel like I'm being judged.

"I understand that you don't feel comfortable talking to me so I will stop asking you questions, but you will have a psych evaluation later today with one of our mental health staff, I hope you will open up so we can help you. If all goes well with that then we can release you tomorrow, once your body has had enough rest."

Dr. Hunter looked at my cuts one more time before leaving. While he was looking at my thighs I couldn't, I'm still scared to see them. Oh god what is Vic going to say? He's probably worried sick about me. I need my phone but it's at home. How am I going to tell him?

~&~

I spent the rest of my day just sleeping in bed, trying to forget the pain. The psych evaluation was stupid, how can people just expect me to open up and tell them everything when I don't even know them? I bent the truth a little when I was answering the questions, avoiding saying anything that would make me stay here longer.

My mom came late in the day and just cuddled with me for a while. She kept saying that she was sorry over and over again. But she shouldn't be sorry, it was all my fault. She told me that she had talked to Vic and told him what happened because he kept calling my phone. That must have been so hard to hear from her, I hope he's okay. She told me she didn't know where my phone charger was so she didn't bring it today. Great.

Once my mom left I was all alone again. I'm so used to this feeling but it hurts more now that I know what it feels like to have someone in your life that cares. I really just need Vic right now, he helps.

I started crying realising that once Vic comes back for my birthday he has to leave again but for longer. I think their tour still has a whole month left. How can I survive without him for a month?

Horrible things started playing in my mind, I ended up crying myself to sleep.

~Vic's POV~

Friday

We had our last show for a few days last night. This means we are driving back to Victoria today! Oh I miss Jenna so much, she hasn't even had her phone so I haven't talked to her since the accident. I told the boys all the plans for her birthday. We were going to be locked up on the bus for a few hours so we decided to make decorations. Jaime and Mike were making snowflakes because Jenna's favourite season is winter, Tony was making a giant birthday card covered in fish and print outs of the pictures we had of her with us (mostly ones Jaime took in secret of me and her). I was wrapping the presents we had found her in the different towns in some pretty great looking dinosaur paper. I know it seems super cheesy doing all these things but we really want to make her have a good birthday full of laughs. We had to start making good memories to replace the bad ones.

It took most of the ride to finish everything. Mike and Jaime had ended up making enough snowflakes to fill a garbage bag, they claimed they got carried away but everyone knew they were having a lot of fun and were sad when they ran out of paper. The card Tony made turned out great and we all took turns signing it writing heartfelt messages. Everything was going to be great tomorrow.

Once we were at the hotel I called Mrs. May and told her that we would meet her down at the beach tomorrow morning to set up. I really wanted to go to their house now and just be with Jenna. Mrs. May told me that she had just brought her home and her phone was dead so she couldn't text me. Jenna didn't know that we would be back yet so we had to keep it a surprise. Jenna thinks we will be getting there tomorrow afternoon. I'm so excited, she's going to be so happy.