What Would It Take For You To Change?

Hope for Life

Chapter 39

~Jenna's POV~

Waking up is such a bitter-sweet feeling. I awoke this morning to laughter sounding throughout the bus and the smell of eggs and toast filling the air. That was the sweet part, but the bitter isn't half as nice. Every time I wake up, I feel so okay and peaceful for just a few moments until it all comes back; when you first wake up your mind is clear and things seem so okay. But after those few moments of peace I begin to remember all the things that I have to face each day. I remember all the pains I've felt in my life, I remember all the horrors that my dreamless state had forgotten.

I lay in the lonely bed for a few minutes just pondering life. I couldn't help but feel so alone in moments like these, even though I know I'm not. Vic and everyone else are just in the other room, but I let my mind wander to feelings of abandonment. Ever since my sister left me I can't help but feel abandoned. My soul still aches for the feeling that I used to get when she smiled at me. I can't help but smile though when I think that it was Vic, the man in the room just out of mine, who came into my life and slowly started giving my soul feeling again. I don't know what I would do if I lost him too, he's the string that had been mending me together.

After thinking to myself for a few moments more I finally decided to get out of bed and brush my teeth quickly before going to eat breakfast. When I got into the bathroom I noticed sticky notes on the mirror:

You are beautiful and wonderful no matter what.-M

Your body is perfect because it is yours, no matter what size you are <3-V

Smile! It looks so good on you J-J

You're perfect just the way you are!-T

Tears were threatening to fall due to the love and happiness I felt in my heart. I quickly brushed my teeth and wiped my eyes before going out to the kitchen. The boys hadn't noticed I'd walked in yet, but I quickly made my way to Mike who was the closest and engulfed him in a hug.

"Thank you" I said squeezing him. "No problem Little Bean, just don't forget it" Mike replied.

Next I moved on to Jaime and did the same, "Can I see a smile?" Jaime asked mid-hug. I giggled into his chest and pulled away smiling and blushing. "There's the pretty smile I love" He laughed at me.

After Jaime I went to Tony who was on the couch and lied on top of him giving him an awkward probably crushing hug. "Promise me you'll read them daily?" He asked. "I promise Turtle, thank you".

Last but not least I went to Vic who had been watching the whole love affair I'd given out. I attached myself to him so tight I thought that I would never let go. "I love you so much" I whispered to him. "I love you too, don't ever forget it" He whispered back. We attached our lips in a quick passionate kiss. "Will you eat breakfast with us? I made eggs and stuff." He asked; his forehead against mine. "Anything for you" I replied sweetly.

We all ate breakfast on the couch together while watching a random episode of SpongeBob. Every bite was a struggle for me but when I looked at the four boys around me I found the courage in them that I needed to be able to eat. When I finished it all Vic gave me a sweet smile and told me he loves me. I almost didn't feel guilty after eating it because everyone made it seem like a good thing.

~&~

The rest of the day went by without anything too eventful. The boys played a show tonight that went awesome (no surprise there), and Vic got me on stage for Hold On Till May as usual.

And that's how the rest of the week went by also; Just average days filled with me eating all meals and only feeling slightly guilty most days, followed by a show, then traveling to the next place and doing the same thing all over again.

This was the last week of tour and there were only 3 shows left. I was really excited for tour to end, but at the same time not. I was mostly excited to be able to stay in the same place for more than a day or so, and see my mom again. I've been talking to her on the phone lots but I just really miss her hugs. The bad part about tour ending is that I won't get to be with the boys 24/7, or even at all maybe. Vic and I haven't really talked about what's going to happen after. I'm also terrified because when I get home I have to go back to school; it's been so nice not being there for the past month, I've actually been, dare I say, happy. Who knows what will happen when I get back.

I'm going to talk to Vic tonight I think. I need to know if I have to prepare myself for a break-up. But he loves me and I love him, so everything should be fine, right?