What Would It Take For You To Change?

Love Is A Funny Thing

Chapter 31

~Jenna's POV~

I should be happy right? I should feel good because I have the most loving caring boyfriend in the world, who does anything to make me feel good. I should feel something, but I really feel nothing. I feel so dead inside. Numb to everything going on around me. I tried faking feelings but it kills me inside to smile and say that I feel good because it only makes me feel worse on the inside. Pretending shows me everything I wish I could have.

I feel really bad for Vic. He's sitting across from me at the table (we're out for breakfast) trying to have a conversation but I can't for the life of me tune in. I want to have his words in my head, not this monster's. I can't help it though when I'm in these kinds of moods. Sometimes I just get so depressed that even if the good things are being handed to me on a silver platter, I can only see the bad.

"Baby?" Vic's words finally made it to me.

"Hm?" I finally stopped looking at the half eaten food and looked into his eyes, they looked so sad. I hate that I'm the reason for this pain.

"I was just asking why you aren't eating your food?" Vic's eyes looked to my plate than back at me, holding hints of disappointment.

"Oh, I know, I'm sorry, I want to eat but I honestly don't feel hungry...I'm sorry" I feel really bad for not eating because I know how upset it makes Vic but this depression fills me up and there's no room for food.

"You don't have to apologize Jenna" Vic looked like he was thinking "if you promise me that you'll eat all of your lunch we can leave, okay?"

It's unlikely that I will even be hungry by lunch time but if it gets me out of eating now, "Okay, I promise" I replied quietly.

Vic and I left the restaurant and wandered into the streets. We were walking in a comfortable silence holding hands. It was nice because it seemed we were both lost in our own thoughts but we still had each other on the outside, so no matter how far I let my mind wander I knew that Vic was there the pull me back.

I was thinking about Tony and Vic. I feel really bad that I am the cause of this fight. Vic keeps saying that everything is okay between them but anyone could tell by his body language that he is avoiding him.

"Hey Vic?"

"Yeah Sweetie?"

"Are we going to have dinner and hang with the boys tonight?" I am determined to make sure Vic and Tony's relationship doesn't get too damaged.

"Um, well I was thinking that you and I could just hang tonight. I'm sure the guys want to go out to another club or something.." Vic is defiantly putting off seeing him.

"oh" I sighed

We walked for a few minutes in silence after that, but I really couldn't help myself with intervening.

I stopped Vic and made him look at me. "Vic I know your avoiding Tony, don't deny it, okay? But I can't stand you being mad at him because of me, you guys are best bros and you can't let what happened ruin your friendship" He had looked confused before but the second I said it his eyes dropped with guilt.

"Jenna" Vic took my hand and started walking again "I don't want to talk about this" His words said he didn't want to talk but I could tell that on the inside he really wanted to.

"We need to talk about it okay? It's hurting you, and when you hurt I hurt. Once you say whatever you're feeling out loud it will all get better okay?" God I am such a hypocrite, I will always encourage people to show their emotions but when it comes to me I close up like a bottle.

Vic nodded his head in agreement, so I pulled us over to a near-by bench so we could sit.

"I'm not mad at him because of you by the way; none of this is your fault." Vic told me as we got comfortable.

We sat there staring at each other for what felt like forever but it was only a few seconds. Neither one of us were too sure what to say, or how to start this conversation. It's just so awkward.

Vic let out a half laugh and shook his head.

"What's so funny, bunny?" oh god my awkward humor has made another appearance.

"That line was not funny for one," Vic laughed a little, " but honestly I have no idea what I'm supposed to say right now."

"Just tell me why you're avoiding Tony, tell me what is going on in that big head of yours" I laughed as I scruffled Vic's hair around. We were both really good at putting off conversations.

" Okay, well, in all honesty I've been avoiding Tony because I'm mad, well like not mad mad, like the kind of mad where I want to punch him, I'm more of the mad that I'm just really upset with myself for letting it happen and for him not to tell me. I guess I could just say I'm really disappointed because Tony is a good friend and I trusted him and well he betrayed me. And in 'this big head of mine'" he mocked my tone of the statement, "I feel sad. I'm sad because I feel like this whole scenario has made me realize how honestly scared I am that I could lose you to someone else, like when Tony kissed you, you could have realised that you like him more than me because he's a really good guy and...I don't think I could handle losing you like that. And that's part of the reason I've been avoiding Tony and the others because I'm scared that we'll all be hanging out and then at some point you could realise that one of them is better for you and-"

I cut Vic off with a kiss. He was sounding so desperate not to lose me, but how could he think that there is anyone better than him for me in the world. Vic has been the most perfect person in the world to me. When I pulled away from the kiss a stray tear rolled down my cheek. Vic tried to wipe it away but I took his hands and made sure that we were looking into each other's eyes.

"Vic, you'll never lose me to someone else." I let out a little laugh at how crazy the thought was that I could ever like someone more than Vic. "There is no one out in the world that is a better boyfriend than you. Vic the thought of me being with anyone other than you is crazy; I doubt that any of the guys in the world could put up with half the amount of crazy Jenna you do. I don't want you to ever think that I could leave you for someone else, why? Because I love you Victor Vincent Fuentes" I laughed again because I am so madly in love with this man and I'd be crazy to leave him. I kissed Vic again.

"I love you too Jenna." Vic said before kissing me all over my face. I couldn't help but giggle. I was sure that today wouldn't go anything like this but I guess anything can happen when you're with someone you love endlessly. Vic is the only person in this world to somehow figure out how to make the numbness go away for awhile.

~&~

After lunch(which I ate all of just like I promised) Vic and I decided to go shopping. He had agreed to spend the evening with the boys and we were going to have a little party down on the beach. It was just going to be the four of us, the tour crew and some other friends; so not too big but enough people to have fun.

We went to the mall because I convinced Vic that I needed a cute dress to wear tonight. At first he was a little confused as to why I needed one but he will never understand girls, and plus I want to look as fabulous as possible, because I have a little something extra planned...