What Would It Take For You To Change?

The Past Can't Be Re-Written

Chapter 27: The Past Can't Be Re-Written

~Jenna's POV~

When I awoke Vic was still sleeping with his arms tightly wrapped around me. It was early in the morning and there weren't any sounds around us. A sense of peace came over me as I lied in Vic's arms. The past few days have been filled with so many different intense emotions but that pain seemed imaginary right now. The stillness of the morning made all the bad things feel as if they were just a distant dream.

When Vic woke up it brought me out of my painless dreamland. My once beautiful sleeping prince was now awake with heavy bags under his eyes, containing a look of pain and sorrow. As we moved to sit up and lean against the wall, I saw reminisce of last night; dirty damp clothes that gave off the stale smell of vomit, telling me the painful truth.

"Morning beautiful" Vic said in a sleepy voice.

"Morning, how are you feeling?" I assume he must have the worst hangover ever due to yesterdays heavy drinking.

"I'm tied with a headache but I'll be fine as long as I have you." Vic always get super romantic and cheesy when he feels sorry.

"I'll be right back" I told him hoping off the bed to go find some Advil and water to help with the pain. "Take this, it will help" I handed Vic the meds and glass.

He drank all the water and I was about to get him more when he stopped me, "just come sit with me, I don't need anything else thank-you"

"Okay" I replied while getting back into bed with him. It was silent for a minute or two but I really needed some answers from him. Even though I knew why he came back and got drunk for the most part, I need to know what Mike meant when he said 'Not again'.

"What happened yesterday?" I looked sadly into his eyes, but he looked away from me and down to our intertwined hands.

"I'm really sorry. I was just so upset at Tony I needed to numb the pain, you know?" I nodded in agreement to what he was saying. "I blamed myself for everything, so I started drinking, I still do, but I don't think alcohol can help." Vic told me sadly.

"What do you blame yourself for? None of this is your fault." It was all my fault, not his.

"Yes Jenna, it is my fault. I should have noticed the way Tony always looked at you, and I should have most defiantly noticed when you started losing more weight. I should have noticed all the signs that things weren't okay, but I didn't, I'm sorry I'm so stupid."

I took Vic's face in my hands, I hate seeing him feeling so low. None of this is his fault, why can't he see that?

"You cannot blame yourself. Okay?" He gave me a slight nod in agreement. "Okay."

There were a few more moments of silence but the endless possibilities of what could have happened before were killing me. "Vic?"

"Mhm" He replied.

"When Mikey saw you he muttered 'Not again', and I was hoping you could tell me what that meant.

"Oh." Vic replied with the kind of sadness you hear in someone's voice when they are forced to think about something that they've buried deep down inside. "Well I'm going to be 100% honest with you Jenna, but can you promise me one thing?" His eyes looked like he was about to cry.

"Yes?"

"Promise you won't leave me?" His eyes were locked onto mine. He looked scared as if I was going to actually leave him. Why would I ever do that?

"Of course I promise Vicky, I love you"

"Okay well about 2 years ago I had a girlfriend," Vic was staring out the window as he began to tell me of his past, "We had been dating for only a few months but I thought she was the perfect one for me. Back then I used to drink more often than I do now, but she never liked it, she told me that when I was drunk I wasn't the boy she loved. I never knew what that meant and I still honestly don't. But anyways, one day on tour I had found out that one of the fans I had met just a few days before killed herself. It was honestly heart-breaking to think that a beautiful girl I had just met, who seemed so happy, was gone. I don't know why it hit me so hard, but even though I barely knew her I couldn't stop myself from crying. It was after the show that night that some girls came up to me and told me that when they found her she had left me a letter. In her note she told me that our band was the reason she was able to hold on so long. She explained that she it was her dream to meet us but after she did she realised she had nothing left to live for. She told me that I was the last thing on her wish list and when I made her dream come true she didn't know what to do with herself anymore." Vic was now crying at the memories he was reliving. "I went back to the bus by myself that night feeling like shit. I saw a bottle of whiskey on the counter and I really just wanted to numb the pain. I didn't care if my girlfriend got mad, I just needed to be drunk. After I passed out I woke up to Mike spraying me with freezing water from the shower. I went to bed after that and when I woke up the next morning she was standing there looking so angry. She yelled at me for scaring her like that and for drinking. I asked her to stop yelling because my head hurt but that only made her madder. She told me that she couldn't take it anymore and left. I haven't seen her since." I pulled Vic into a tight hug and kept telling him that I was sorry about what happened and that I would never leave him.

We cuddled for an hour or so just letting all the sadness leave our minds.

The silence was broken by the sound of my stomach growling. I didn't eat dinner yesterday because of what happened and now it was nearly lunch time. I assume Vic is hungry too because he puked up everything inside of his stomach yesterday.

"When as the last time you ate Sweetie?" Vic asked me, still holding me in his warm embrace.

"With you yesterday." I replied sheepishly because I knew Vic would be mad I didn't eat dinner.

"Jenna" he sounded stern. "Up now" he was pulling me out of bed. "You know you have to eat. Now come on." Vic was signalling me to follow him as he stood by the door. He was still trying to be as nice as possible but whenever it came to my eating habits Vic has leaned that if he isn't forceful I won't do it.

I followed him to the kitchen and watched him pull out eggs and bacon and some beans. The rest of the guys weren't here but they left a note saying that they were going out for a late breakfast.

When Vic finished making the food he put it onto a plate and sat it down in front of me. I knew that we were going to share it but seeing everything made me want to cry. I don't know why though.

I was trying to will myself to pick up the fork, but something inside me made me feel like I was broken and if I picked up the fork I would shatter.

Vic looked at me confused as to why I hadn't taken a bite yet, it had been 5 minutes. He put some eggs onto his fork and brought it to my lips. "Jenna" Vic said trying to convince me to open my mouth. But I couldn't. I couldn't handle what was going on right now.

A tsunami of emotions came over me and I let out a loud cry.