"Yeah." I sighed, talking to my mother on the other end of the phone. "That's fine and I'll pick him up later in the morning, okay, I will, Mom, bye." I hung up and sighed, closing my eyes and pressed my phone to my forehead.
My mom had picked up Carson from the hospital while Brianne was being examined in the back, and while I was becoming a terrible mess. I'd never been this scared before in my life and the look on Brianne's face said the same thing.
The doctor had come out and explained that Brianne had miscarried and there really was no major cause to it, her body just couldn't accept the pregnancy.
I leaned back in my chair and rested my head against the wall, sighing as a tear slipped down my cheek. We were looking so forward to this new baby, we didn't go through the stress and torture again like we did with Carson, it just came so easy and yet it was taken away from us too soon.
"You can head back and see your wife, she's okay." A nurse smiled, waving me back. I got up and followed her to a small room and saw Brianne laying there, emotionless.
"Thank you." The nurse closed the door and I pulled a nearby chair over and sat next to Brianne, placing my hand on top of hers. "I love you just as much today, maybe even more than the day I married you, but I love you."
Brianne shrugged her shoulders and turned over in her bed, her back facing me. I sighed and rested my hand now on her back, slowly stroking my thumb over the small portion of exposed skin from her blue hospital gown.
"Ryan, please stop touching me." I pulled my hand away and bit down on my lip, trying to think of something to cheer her up or distract her mind.
"Carson's over my mom's, she said he's perfect."
"I know where he's at."
"Brianne, please don't beat yourself up over this, this wasn't your fault." I frowned, even though she couldn't see my expression.
"I told you something is messed up with me! I told everyone that my body was messed up and no one believed me!" Brianne sobbed, her body quaking.
I got up from my chair and went around to the other side of her bed and crouched down to be eye level with her. "You are not messed up!"
"Oh shut up, Ryan! Look how long and hard we tried for Carson and then this happens with this pregnancy. My doctor said I was fine to get pregnant, and I believed her, but now I'm starting to second guess her findings, even the doctors who examined me in here!" She cried, tears flowing from her eyes.
I used the pad of my thumb to wipe her tears away and nodded my head. I wasn't agreeing with what Brianne was saying, she's damn spot on perfect in my eyes, always will. I was nodding my head to show her I'm here for her, I'm here to listen and understand what she's going through.
"I know this might sound harsh, but I want you to understand I'm not telling you this to sound like an asshole or be one to you, but Brianne this isn't an uncommon thing to happen with women and we're not the only ones who are dealing with this. Yes, it hurts, it hurts like hell and I would do everything and anything to make you stop feeling like this, but please know that we will get through this, we can get through this, okay?"
Brianne frowned and shook her head, staring past me and looking straight at the wall. Although I have a pretty good idea what's going through her mind right now, I'd still love to get inside her mind and have a look for myself.
"I just don't understand it, you know?"
"I do, trust me." I agreed, nodding.
"I thought it was too good to be true when I got pregnant that easily, don't you think?" Brianne asked, looking at me.
"Honestly, I didn't think nothing about it, just that we were having another baby." I smiled slightly.
"God, I know how much you wanted that little girl, Ryan." Brianne groaned, sighing afterwards.
"It's okay." I reassured her, taking her hand in mine. "Don't be mad for me saying this, but maybe it just wasn't the right time to bring another little Sitkowski into our home? Either way, yes, we'd love them regardless, and we were definitely looking forward to being parents again, but maybe there's something keeping us at bay for us to be surprised later down the road?"
"I don't know, Ryan, but all I know is right now I'm very broken." Brianne sighed, closing her eyes.
***************
Brianne was later discharged from the hospital and was now laying in our bed. She was instructed to take it easy the next few days and rest as much as she can. I was downstairs with Carson, watching as he staggered around the living room.
I stretched out on the couch, propping my feet up on the arm rest and kept a close watch on my one year old. He was babbling to himself, picking up and dropping random toys along the floor as he walked around. He came over towards me and outstretched his little hand, handing me a small red block.
"Thank you." I smiled, taking it from him. Carson laughed to himself and turned around, going back to pacing himself around the living room.
He stopped and stood in front of the TV, which had an advertisment for Fortnite on it and laughed at the TV. I chuckled at his fascination and amusement with our TV and got down on the floor, resting on my stomach. Carson turned around and smiled at me, coming towards my way and grabbed onto my beanie, pulling it off.
"Hey."
Carson pressed it against his face, making his random noises as I laughed at his randomness. He tossed my beanie down on the floor and put his little hands on top of my head and tugged, very hard at my hair.
"Oww!" Carson laughed at my misery and tugged again, causing me to yell out again. "Oww! You are your mother's son with the hair pulling, I'll explain when you're much older."
"What is going on down here?" Brianne questioned as she came down the steps.
"Your son is beating the living hell out of me, help!"
She sighed, coming down the rest of the steps and picked up Carson. "It's not nice to pick on your dad, Carson." She smiled at him. "Come on, take a nap with Mommy." She kissed Carson on the cheek and turned around to go back upstairs.
I smiled at them and picked up my beanie from the floor and situated myself back on the couch again. About ten minutes had passed and a notification popped up on my phone screen, Brianne had posted a picture to Instagram and tagged me in it as well.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
BrianneCSitkowski: Picking on your dad really does tire you out @ryanmiw love ya!🥰
I chuckled at her picture, liking it and placed my phone down on the coffee table. I just really hope Brianne doesn't take this miscarriage too hard and become overprotective of Carson, being he is our only child.
