Indescribable | Ethma

twenty six

i lay in my bed not being able to sleep after everything that happened today.

i haven't talked to ethan sense the incident and i don't bother texting him either. or grayson. it's not that i didn't want to talk to ethan but i simply didn't have the energy.

i felt tired but i was scared of falling asleep for some reason.

as stupid as this sounds. as much as i know i shouldn't say this. i'm scared chloe will do something. only because her crazy ass actually would.

i lay awake as my phone keeps glowing and vibrating. i just stare at my ceiling as the situation keeps replying in my head.

graham's bloody face. ethan in the hospital. grayson being a fucking jackass.

i just wanted things to go back to normal if i'm being honest.

i decide to finally flip on my side and grab my phone out of the charger.

i was expecting notifications from all my friends but it was only ethan. i guess he would be the only awake considering it's 3:00 am.

i open the text and most of them just read call me.

so i do.

needing to hear his voice.

i call him and he picks up on the first ring. i put my phone on speaker and lay it next to my head.

"hey emma." ethan says in a soft mellow voice.

i don't say anything.

"emma?" ethan then says a little louder.

once again i don't say anything as i sit in silence.

"emma you there?" ethan says in a normal tone now.

"y-yeah i'm here." i say softly.

"i'm sorry." is all he says.

sorry.

i've heard the enough the last couple days. words start to lose there meaning and that's fucking one of them.

"yeah i would be fucking sorry too if i were you ethan. you had no right to do that. to me. to ellie. to graham. to grayson. you had a fucking choice! then you had a fucking choice to kiss chloe or cut yourself till you lose enough blood and have to go to the hospital? why the hell wouldn't you just kiss her?" i say all in one breath.

i was working myself up. i was upset.

"emma look i'm sorry. i did it for you." ethan then says.

he didn't have anything else to say i guess. i mean what else could he do besides just apologize and hope i would love him back and forgive him.

"what did beating up graham have anything to do with me ethan? all that did was cause more problems." i say to him trying to be loud but also not wake up my mom.

"your right. i was just mad and taking my anger out on him and i shouldn't have been." ethan says which sounded like he was sorry.

"what were you so mad about that made you beat up a completely innocent guy? your friend?" i shoot back at him.

there was a moment of silence before he spoke up.

"i-" ethan begins to say before he cuts himself off.

"what?" i say back.

"i was thinking about how you don't deserve me em. then i was thinking about your shitty dad. then i started beating up graham and i really had no idea what he did emma. i just saw my brother on him so i figured he did something bad." ethan says sincerely.

"what the hell are you talking about? not deserving you? you are the best thing that's ever happened to me okay? and my dad is apart of my life so you don't need to get worked up about him." i say trying to hold my grudge against him but i couldn't.

"yeah well now i feel even more bad." ethan then says which made me feel bad.

god damnit i give in to easily sometimes.

"come pick me up right now?" i say to him a soft smile grew on my face.

"i would love too." ethan says softly.

"i'll be there in 10 i love you." he then says again before ending the call.

i plug my phone back in and throw on the sweatshirt i was wearing earlier over my bare chest.

i get out of my bed and pull up my big gray baggy sweatpants and put my hair in a messy bun before pulling the sweatshirt hood over it.

"ew holy shit." i mumble to myself looking in the mirror.

well it's 3:00 am ethan's going to have to suck it up.

i grab my phone out of the charger as i tip toe down the stairs making sure to be as quite as possible.

i unlock my back door so i would be ready to leave when ethan comes.

i couldn't use my front door because of the beeping noise it makes when you open and close it. we have one of those alarm thingys.

i feel my phone vibrate not bothering to check it as i knew it was ethan who's headlights shined bright into my house.

dumbass could have turned the headlights off.

i open the back door softly as my feet hit the cold grass. yes i'm not wearing shoes fuck shoes.

i close the door quietly behind me and sneak around the side of the house where i get inside ethan's car.

"hey baby." ethan begins to say trying to kiss me.

"i'm still mad." i say back. which is somewhat true.

"and turn your headlights off next time you come pick me up." i say to him as he starts backing out.

he turns up the radio which was playing i like it by cardi B. i hated that song. i hate her to be honest. overplayed trash. 

i don't bother to turn off the radio as it was starting to grow on me. gross.

ethan then drives up a hill which i don't even think you can drive on because it's like all grass but no ones going to stop us.

ethan stops the car and pulls out the keys from the ignition.

he turns his body so he's facing me and i do the same leaning my back against the window sitting criss cross applesauce.

why the hell is it called criss cross applesauce? like what the hell does applesauce have to do with the way i'm sitting.

anyway thats not the point.

"hey, i'm sorry emma." ethan says breaking the silence between us.

"yeah i know." i reply back softly.

"no i'm like actually sorry. you don't deserve to feel this way." ethan then says again.

i look down at my hands not knowing how else to respond to him. i know he's truly sorry and it's hard for me to stay mad at him.

"i was. i don't know just worked up and i don't want to ever hurt you and you know that okay?" he says grabbing my wrist.

i look up at him a force a small smile.

"i promise emma i will never do anything to make or hurt you ever again. i love you more then anything." he says pulling me close to him.

"i love you too e." i say squeezing his wrist.

a/n hey hoped you liked this chapter:) the twins came back yesterday and i've never been happier to hear their voices❤️ peace!

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i try to be active on there hehe