Indescribable | Ethma

thirty two

warning this chapter can be kind of triggering with people who suffer from anxiety or depression and i just want to say that if you do feel worthless or terrible all the time that you are an amazing person and i am always and always here to talk with anyone. depression and anxiety is a serious topic for anyone and should not be ignored.

suicide hotline: 800-273-8255

Anxiety hotline: 877-697-4417

❤️

i wake up to my alarm beeping way to obnoxiously.

"okay okay." i mumble as i grab my phone to turn off the sound.

i feel really shitty if i'm being honest. like not tired but like fucking lazy.

i manage to drag myself out of bed contemplating if going to school it really worth it but considering how many days i've missed i needed to go.

i throw on gray nike joggers which weren't even mine. i stole them from ethan's house when i needed to change out of my uncomfortable jean shorts. they honestly fit pretty well it was just around the waist where they were a little big.

i grab a plain black sweatshirt and throw the hood over my messy bun not bothering to brush out my hair.

i don't bother doing any makeup or washing my face because i didn't have the energy. or i just don't care enough.

probably a little bit of both.

i walk downstairs where neither of my parents were luckily. i did not want to talk to them after last night.

i don't grab any food because of the appetite i didn't have.

i sit at the counter on my phone having a bunch of time to spare because of the little effort i put in when i woke up.

-

i see ethans name come up on my phone knowing it was him texting me he was here to pick me up.

i throw my backpack over my shoulder and walk outside to ethan's car where i get in the passenger seat.

"hey baby, you feeling better?" ethan asks me softly.

his voice did bring a smile to my face. hearing his voice is what i needed. being with him is what i needed.

"yeah i'm good." i say half lying.

"got your coffee." he says looking at the coffee in the cup holder.

"you really need to stop buying me those." i say to him feeling bad about all the money he must have spent everyday on me.

"no it's okay. i don't mind." he says squeezing my hand.

usually about now i would grab the coffee and start chugging it but it honestly didn't sound that good to me for some reason.

i continue to look straight as ethan starts heading towards the school.

i'm surprised he didn't say anything about how little effort i put into my appearance today.

"you look beautiful today." ethan says causing the silence to break.

i knew he was saying that because of how actually shitty i looked.

"thanks." i mumble wanting him to know i know i look like shit.

"hey you sure your okay?" he then asks again.

i wanted to be honest with him but another part of me did not want me to be the reason he's worrying all day in school or something. this was my problem to figure out not his.