Fate

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Thirty-Nine

"Forgive myself? How can I, when I'm still screwing everything up? When I'm still keeping so many things from the one person I care about? I can't forgive him and I can't forgive myself."

His words kept replaying in my head even as I sat at my desk, writing. It may be the next day, but his words still made little sense to me. Who was he referring to and what did he mean by "keeping so many things from them?"

Whoever they were, were very special to Zayn and when I'd questioned him about it he refused to answer me. So, I didn't have the slightest clue as to who this person could be. Even so, if they were so special to him, why did he feel the need to continue to lie to them if he didn't want to?

Again, if he couldn't forgive himself, maybe that's why he couldn't forgive Eric. What could I really say when I couldn't forgive Kenneth either? Or Miles or Melinda? I was a hypocrite who was really no better than him. Even more so I was horrible for having the thoughts that consumed me since I left that night. Why couldn't that person be me? I had to mean something to him. He'd kissed me twice now and I felt there was longing there.

What of this person? He loved Melinda and said so meaning she couldn't be the person he was referring to. So then who could it be? Someone who this damaged boy could care about. Someone who reminded him of his mom perhaps? Where did I fit into all this exactly? The answer was likely not at all. I may have been in his life once when we were children but I didn't fit in it any longer. Sad as it was, it was also true and there was nothing I could do about it.

I closed my notebook none of my writing making any sense right now. Putting it away I didn't feel like doing anything else but laying in my bed right now. My night at home had been surprisingly quiet and I was just fine with that. Kenneth was semi-calm and had decided to go to bed early without a word which was a welcome event. I'd watched television with mom for a while before she'd turned in early as well. I'd gone up to write for a bit but wasn't ready to sleep yet. So I decided to text for a little bit before going to sleep. As expected the conversations were interesting.

Nick: Did you know cocaine used to be in Coca Cola?

Ariel: It was called Coca for a reason right?

Nick: Your missing the point here! No wonder it's so good!

Ariel: You realize it's not in there anymore right?

Nick: Duh but it's an interesting concept.

Reggie: Nick just enlightened me that cocaine was in Coca Cola...

Ariel: Lol you knew this didn't you?

Reggie: Yes but he didn't. He thinks about weed too much.

Ariel: Something tells me he's not the only one.

Reggie: What's that mean Missy?

Ariel: Nothing just that likely a lot of people do.

Reggie: Yeah but could there ever be someone who likes it as much as he does?

Ariel: I'm sure they are out there somewhere.

Maggie: There used to be cocaine in Coca Cola!

Ariel: You didn't know that?

Maggie: Noo!!! No one tells me anything.

Ariel: I learned it in history class didn't you?

Maggie: No because I'm sure I'd remember that!