Fate

Chapter Eighty-Eight

Chapter Eighty-Eight

Could he talk to me? I didn't know if I was ready for this conversation or not. Everyone was looking at me now and then I turned meeting Miles hopeful eyes. I wasnt going to refuse him as the alternative was having to look at Zayn and Melinda so I nodded my head in defeat.

"Sure, outside?"

"Yeah that's fine," he replied.

He followed me out the door and I could feel their eyes watching us as Miles closed the door behind us. I sat in one of the chairs looking out into the darkening sky and he followed suit taking the seat next to me. He'd have to talk first because I couldn't think of anything to say to him right now. Didn't know what would be an appropriate conversation to have. An appropriate response for what he'd done.

"Ariel?"

"Hmm?"

"Please look at me."

I hadn't been attempting to look away from but maybe it seemed like it. I turned to meet his eyes and saw the expression of shame and sadness there. He didn't say anything for a long moment so I decided to. "You don't have to-

"I know what it sounds like and I wish I could give you a proper explanation but I was drunk. I don't remember much, but us together and you running away. That's painful enough. She told me about it later after you and I broke up and she and I tried dating for a bit. I didn't believe her at first, didn't want to believe her but now I know she's telling the truth. I could tell she was the first time.

If she had said no then I know I would have stopped. I wouldn't have made her do it if she didn't want to. She could have left. I'd never keep her or any girl from leaving it they wanted to and I wouldn't have forced them into anything."

"I believe you, Miles."

"I'd never have hurt someone that way. I didn't tell you or anyone because I was so ashamed. It wasn't going to fix things with you and I'd hurt you enough with my actions. Selfishly I thought you hated me and so I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to hate me any more than I thought you did. I figured you would have."

"I could never hate you." I expressed.

"I didn't want you to think any worse of me either. I didn't want anyone else affected by this and that included myself. I was so ashamed and I'd never want anyone to know I'd behaved that way. It doesn't sound good, it really doesn't. I know how horrible it sounds and it's not a shining moment for me. Melinda didn't want anyone to know either so she acted like it was what she planned from the beginning. She wouldn't want anyone to think she got raped."

"I wouldn't either," I sighed.

"I should have told you all this sooner. You wouldn't talk to me and I didn't want to make things worse. Zayn told me if I started picking on you and your friends and get your attention then I might get you back. I was so stupid and drinking more to cope and I started to think it was the only way. The only way I'd get you to even look at me and—

"Wait, Zayn told you that?" I asked in shock.

"Huh?" he turned to me.

"Zayn told you that if you picked on me it would get my attention?"

"Yeah. I know it was dumb but I was so desperate I would have tried anything. I was in a dark place at that time."

My shocked expression turned into a saddened one and my fingers twitched to reach out and hold his hand.

"I wish you'd told me this before now. I think we could have gotten through it, maybe."

"How?" he frowned.