Danger Signs // Demi Lovato // 4

38. I Pray For Your Peace

Shocked didn't even begin to describe what I was feeling in that moment as I heard the words I so desperately wished weren't true. But Jay kept crying uncontrollably, saying she and Jordan had driven over and found her. She didn't give much detail, and I could barely understand what she was saying. Eventually she said she had to go and hung up.

My thoughts seemed to be coming in slow motion as I dropped my phone onto the carpeted floor and sank to my knees, tears spilling out of my eyes. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, sitting and rocking on the floor. Soon after, I started hiccupping and it became hard to breathe. I had never cried so much that my hiccups cut off my breathing.

I heard a voice and then footsteps as Maia ran upstairs. "Rosie? Are you okay?" I heard her asking before my door opened. She saw me on the floor and instantly dropped down next to me, wrapping her arms around me. "Oh, Rosie, what happened?"

I didn't answer, and she soon realized why I wasn't saying anything.

"Okay, honey, just breathe with me. Okay? In."

I forced air into my lungs, chilling my throat. My entire body was hot.

"Out. Come on, you're okay," Maia said.

I finally was able to breathe normally and Maia asked what happened. "Jay called me about Paige," I said, dreading saying the words out loud.

Maia's eyes widened. I could tell she was concerned.

"I don't know how it happened, Jay didn't tell me, but Paige is—Paige died." They came out in a rush and a small wave of tears flowed from my eyes, Maia pulling me back into a hug.

"I'm so sorry," she said, rubbing slow circles on my back.

We sat on the floor for a long time while I calmed down. Once I was calm, Maia informed me that Demi was coming back for her month off.

"When?" I asked, numbly.

"This weekend."

I sighed. When Demi had left after Thanksgiving, everything was fine, but now she would come back to this news. I didn't know how I was supposed to tell her. I'd barely been able to tell Maia.

"Can you tell her?" I asked. "About Paige?"

"Of course." She hugged me one last time before helping me stand up.

"I'm just gonna go to bed early," I said, setting my backpack on the chair at my desk. "And, um, can I stay home tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course. I'll call the school in the morning. But you don't want dinner?"

I shook my head. "I can't eat right now. I'll try to eat in the morning." I added the second part, hoping it would keep her from thinking I had an eating disorder again.

She nodded and left after saying goodnight.

I washed my tear-stained face and changed before climbing under the covers.

~//~//~//~//~//~//~

Demi came home on Sunday and Maia told her about Paige. She couldn't believe it and quickly made her way to my room. Over the weekend, it had become a mess. Clothes were in a pile next to the closet and I had a bunch of granola bar wrappers laying around, because I just didn't feel like moving.