Danger Signs // Demi Lovato // 4

11. I'd Rather Be Numb

"So, how was the movie?" was the first thing out of Maia's mouth when I saw her.

"It was good. Funny," I said, already feeling dark circles forming under my eyes. I wasn't used to being up so late. Call me lame, but I was normally asleep by ten thirty on most nights.

"What'd you do after?" Demi asked, and I suddenly felt the tension.

"Just went to Paige's house and talked." I had planned on asking about hypothetically spending the night, and then asking for real later, but I decided now wasn't the time. It wasn't until next weekend anyway, so it could wait.

"Okay," Demi said. "And you would tell us if anything happened?"

"Like?" I hoped they didn't notice my small gulp after I said that. I didn't want to talk about how Paige had been sent to her room in her own house, and about the weird looks everyone wore. They had to have been texting each other, it was the only thing that made logical sense, but I couldn't figure out what they were talking about. And the look Jay gave Paige... thinking back, she looked pissed at what Paige had said.

"Just anything," Maia answered.

I shook my head, which was currently blanking on the short conversation between Jay and Paige. I couldn't remember what they had said, but I was tired, and I tended to forget things when I was tired. "I'm just really tired. Been a long day."

Demi nodded understandingly, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I went upstairs. "Night, honey," she said as I dragged my bag—and myself—up the stairs.

My legs felt like jelly and I collapsed on my bed, yanking my shoes off and hastily changing into more comfortable clothes. With my phone on my charger, I laid in the darkness, reading, until my eyes couldn't stay open anymore and sleep took me.

~//~//~//~//~//~//~

"We don't know yet," Jay's voice said. I was laying down and I opened my eyes to see I was in a large room. It reminded me of the garage, but with less stuff. I was on a couch that didn't exist there, but it felt familiar. Looking to my right, I saw Jay, her hair in a messy bun, smoke coming from her mouth. But she wasn't holding anything.

"It'll be fine," Paige's voice said from the left. We were the only three people here, but it felt like I was just a ghost, listening in.

Smoke filled the room, making me cough a little until my throat was almost burning and I gasped for air, waking and still coughing, sitting up.

I looked at the little bit of light coming into my room, figuring it was about 6 or so, as I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. The smoke had felt so real, I was convinced my room was going to be on fire, but everything was normal. I settled back under my covers, thankful it was Saturday, and quickly fell asleep again.

~//~//~//~//~//~//~

The next few days passed with no problems, and Wednesday, I finally decided to bring up my question to Demi and Maia.

"This weekend?" Demi asked.

"Well, we kinda just started thinking about it today," I lied.

They shared a look, and nodded slightly. "I don't see a problem with it. Just, um, Jay is the one with the twin brother, right?" Maia said.

"Yeah," I said slowly, not quite sure what she was going for.

Demi sighed. "I think we just both need to know nothing is going to happen that would cause something unexpected to happen."

No. Was this the sex talk?

"No, it's not even like that. I don't like Jordan like that, and I know he doesn't like me. Besides, it's just gonna be a girls' sleepover, ya know?" I didn't totally know the meaning of the words coming from my slight word vomit, but it didn't help.

"Just in case," Demi started, hesitating, then continued. "You know about protection, right?"

"Yes!" I cried, sounding almost enthusiastic that I had learned—somewhat—about safe sex in health class.

"Did you put a condom on a banana?" Maia asked me, like this whole thing was a joke. She was smiling, but I was so uncomfortable that I wanted to hide in my room forever.

"Yeah. We did that. It was really dumb, but I know about... all that." I gave them both a look like Spare me, please, and they moved on to the ground rules, which of course, included no sex, even it was protected because condoms break.

Forget hiding in my room. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.

"No drugs, alcohol, anything that could hurt you in any way," Demi said, and I nearly winced when she said "drugs." It was the first time she had explicitly told me not to do drugs, and it worried me because it made me wonder if she trusted me. I knew about their effects, and I knew I didn't want to go down that path. I didn't want to be like my mom.