galileo figaro magnifico ➳ ben hardy [1]

real life

      theo's body bounced with nervous energy as she leaned her elbows on the railing of her balconette, looking over the paris streets as she took sips from her cup of coffee. ben was due to come in through that door at any time now. tim would use his key to let them in, allowing her to establish herself in the living room before they got there. she sighed to herself, tugging a hand roughly through her hair as she turned and went back in the doors, kneeling down to sit on the floor with her back against the couch for support.
      as the door flung open she leaped to her feet, startled, her heart pounding in her chest and eyes wild. it wasn't until she finally caught sight of tim and ben that she relaxed, drawing in a shaky breath as she raked a hand through her hair. "hey, boys," she greeted, punctuating it with a nervous breath of a laugh.
      ben made his way across the room quickly, tugging theo into a hug, one hand on her back as the other knotted itself in her hair at the nape of her neck. she wrapped her arms around his waist, giving him a tight squeeze before letting go, beginning to squirm in his arms. he released her reluctantly, taking a seat on the couch. tim then swept her up in his arms, placing a kiss on the side of her head, softly greeting, "salut."
      "salut," she greeted back, tugging his hair up into a ponytail. "merci, tim. je suis désolé pour cette situation."
      "ce n'est pas nécessaire. je serai dans la cuisine, ouais? crie si tu as besoin de moi."
      she snorted, motioning him to get out, patting lightly on his behind. "sors, connard!"
      tim laughed in reply, going out to the kitchen on the other side of the flat, likely about to eat everything her refrigerator had to offer. she made a mental note to go grocery shopping later. looking to one very confused ben, she took a deep breath, sitting down on the coffee table in front of where he sat. taking his hands in hers, she held them in her lap, thumbs rubbing circles on the backs of his hands. "please, theo," he said softly, leaning his elbows on his knees. "baby, tell me what's going on?"
      "let's start from the very beginning, yes?" he nodded. "when i got here, i began to feel a sense of dread i hadn't felt for months. dread, at knowing that i would be alone here without timmy for a day or so, on my own in navigating a city that i had never been to. i panicked, at first, as you know is my way, and then i finally forced myself out of the flat. i needed to go somewhere to do all of my research, you know, i needed a new change of scenery. so i went to the nearest coffee shop. and... that's when i met... brodeur. and it was cool at first, i suppose. he talked to me like i was a normal human being like the guys do, not like i'm some sort of celebrity person. and i had it clarified straight away that those dating rumours about us in the tabloids were, in fact, entirely correct, and that i was interested in nothing more than a friendship and if he were to expect anything more, he was surely mistaken. and it was cool between the two of us. every morning, timmy and i would stop in and get our coffees. and during breaks. and after filming. but anyways, we'd go, and every time he'd be standing their with our orders at the ready, some new song to listen to printed in his rushed writing on the bottom. i never listened to them - never had the time, never had the want. why does that matter? i don't know. um... even after i had told him that we are dating, he would be flirtatious at times, and i shrugged it off. i never acknowledged it, because i didn't want to, and because, i don't know, i thought that maybe if i ignored the problem that it would go away? i don't know."
      at this point she paused to press a kiss to his hands, just simply holding them to her mouth for a moment. "god, these hands. uh - anyways, you were here, then. you came to visit, and we all went out for that dinner, and for some reason i thought that maybe the reality of seeing the two of us would kick in for him. and you left. and we all went out drinking that one night. and he... goddamn." she yanked at her hair and then wiped at her face angrily. "we had all gone out drinking. and you know what i do, you know how i write my tallies." he nodded. "i only had three tallies. and yet i was entirely gone. and brodeur, he, uh, offered to take me home. ben..." she sat up straighter, eyes shutting, her grip on her hands getting tighter. "brodeur raped me, ben."
      when she opened her eyes and finally made eye contact, she took into account every miniscule reaction he was having. tears had begun to run down his face, brow knit angrily, his jaw clenched, his breathing pattern uneven. he lifted his hands to cup her face, brushing his thumbs across her cheeks. "are you okay? are you... pregnant? are-are you... why were you so afraid to tell me?"
      "i suppose i'm okay," her voice cracked as she answered, eyes never leaving his. "i've been working through it. tuesdays and thursdays i've been having therapy after filming. i'm still... i'm still trying to comprehend that it wasn't my fault, i suppose." a nervous breath. "and no, god no, i'm not pregnant. physical health wise, i'm practically the same as i was before. it's just my insides, my mental and emotional state that seem to be suffering."
      "but you're physically suffering, too, love. you look so... tired. colourless. like you haven't been eating. it worries me. and not knowing what was going on... i'm sorry, theo. when the comment was made, i should've stayed to listen to your side. but being months in the dark, i guess i got paranoid? i'm not sure, but anyways, the point is that i'm so incredibly sorry, and that i'm not leaving your side from this day on. i want to be here for you in everything. i don't want to leave your side, theo."
      theo smiled to herself, running over everything in her brain, softly blurting, "no."
      he looked to her, confused, squeezing her hands. "what?"
      she swallowed hard, pursing her lips. "i... i want nothing more than that. truly. but i need to do this on my own. i need to figure everything out without relying on someone. i realised that. ben jones, you know i love you with every last bit of me. yeah?"
      he nodded. "of course i know that, love. but please. don't go."
      "right now, i need to just take a step back. finish filming, finish the book, figure myself out. we'll meet again one day, benny. i know we will."
      "i'll wait for you, you know? you're the one for me, theo. and if you need time, i will give you all of the time in the world until you're ready to come back to me."
      theo began to cry, pressing her forehead to ben's. "we'll make it out of this alive, i know damn well that we will. we'll keep in touch, yeah? talk every now and again. i just... i so terribly need to be alone again. i need to reconnect with my soul. i promise that this isn't the end for us. not a break up, just a little break."
      "i don't want to leave you," he whispered, stroking her hair gently.
      "i know, baby, i know."
      "i'll be here. whenever you need a chat. someone to rant to. someone to consult. and when you're ready to come back again. i love you, theodosia."
      "i love you, benjamin."
      they slowly rose to their feet together, embracing each other one last time before he stepped out of the room, the shutting of the front door echoing throughout the flat.
      it was then that timmy came into the room, confused, catching theo in his arms as she began to sob.