Little White Lies

Chapter 26

"You seem different today," Andy whispers in my ear as I sit on his lap, the two of us wrapped in a large cozy blanket. Autumn and Oliver sit across from us with a fire crackling in the large fire pit.

I glance over my should with a broad smile, "I forgot what it was like to exist without all of that anxiety," I laugh. "Someone else is there to pick up the pieces and handle all of that drama. I can just be me."

Andy pulls me closer and kisses me, after a minute or two he breaks the kiss off and says "Well that's great, because you are my favorite person."

I bust out laughing, "You sound a little like a Valentine's Day card, you know that was yesterday not today right?" I giggle.

"I changed my mind. You aren't my favorite person. I think maybe..." Andy pauses for a moment, "Ali is my favorite person."

This just makes me laugh harder, "Yeah, okay. Want me to call her and see if she wants to come down? I'll take the other guest room," I'm rocking with laughter.

"You're the worst," Andy laughs.

"Whatever, you love me," I sigh, my sides actually hurt from laughing.

"God help me, I do," Andy says as he pulls me back closer.

"What time is it?" Autumn asks looking around at the darkening sky.

"Little after five I think," Andy replies.

"What do you guys want to do about dinner?" she asks.

Andy shrugs, "Pickings can be a little slim. We can go somewhere or there's an Italian place a few blocks up that we can go get pizza from."

"I mean, I'll never say no to pizza," Autumn says seriously.

A hour later Autumn and I are snuggled together next to the fire listening to the waves crash while the guys are out getting pizza. "Something is different with you," Autumn eyes me suspiciously. "Do you have something you need to tell me?"

"Like what? I'm just happy," I say.

Autumn studies me for a moment longer, "Yeah, okay, I'll buy that," she says. "I'm here though, if you ah," she pauses, "need any advice or want to talk about anything. Just saying."

I blush as I realize what she's talking about, "I mean, what do you want me to text you the moment it finally happens?" I ask.

"I mean, not the moment, that would be rude to Andy," she laughs.

I shove her a little, "I might hate you just a tiny bit right now."

"You're so red! Man are you that uncomfortable with the idea of sex?" Autumn seems baffled.

"No," I try to stare her down. "Can we talk about something else?"

"No. Or is it..." she trails off. "Oh my God, it's not that you're uncomfortable with sex, it's that you're nervous. Sawyer! Tell me!"

"It's just something I've been thinking about," I admit.

"Thinking about?"

"God Autumn," I blush even more, my face is on fire. "I don't know," I pause, "I just feel like maybe the timing is finally right. This is the first time I've felt like I can just be me. I'm always so stressed trying to be a second parent to Jacey and Grant, or Mom's business partner, or a teacher, or Mom's babysitter. Here, with Julie here to take care of life, I can just be me."

"Have things really been that bad?" Autumn asks

I shrug, "Things are fine, I've got it all under control. It's just exhausting. I never realize how overwhelmed I've been feeling until that weight is lifted. When I saw Julie today it was like coming up for that first breath of fresh air when you're drowning."