A One Shot Book of Unfortunate Events

What We All Know is Happening (Part 1/13)

*Normal POV*
"Hello, Love," Bertrand said, pulling up a chair to the part in the clouds.
"Good morning, Dearest," Beatrice replied, "I was just seeing what our children were up to."
" Are they still at Arthur's and the Poe's? "
"Unfortunately... Yes. Karen and Quinten are keeping an eye on their children too. They even told me the middle triplet, Quigley, is alive! How great is that to hear?"
"Wonderful!" Bertrand said happily as he noticed the headline on today's Daily Punctilio. Beatrice peered down at it and nearly exploded.
"THAT IS A PRIVATE QUOTE FROM OUR CHILDREN THAT ABSOLUTELY DID NOT NEED TO BE SHARED WITH THE PUBLIC!" She yelled at nothing.

~*~
*It's the Count, It's the Count, It's the Count!*
"Okay this is low-key kinda Catchy..." Beatrice mumbled, snapping her fingers to the beat.

* "Wroooong! It's a list!" - Olaf*
".................SOMEONE PLEASE CALL 911!" Bertrand shrieked, rolling on the floor with laughter.

* "Save your toothbrushes. You'll need them for your teeth." - Olaf"*
"UM BITCH EXCUSE ME? MY CHILDREN WILL NOT HAVE DISEASES JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT CLEAN FLOORS! FURTHERMORE..." Beatrice's rant goes on for some time.

* "Klaus, I'll touch whatever I want." - Olaf*
"FUCK THAT! NO! OLAF, GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER!" Beatrice shrieked at the top of her lungs.
"GET AWAY FROM OUR CHILDREN, YOU SLIMY FREAK!" Bertrand shouted. Violet looked disgusted with the hand set on her shoulder, rubbing it gently and leaving a small bit of dirt.

*Olaf slaps Klaus*
"NOOO! KLAUS, MY BABY! I'M GOING TO KILL OLAF!" Bertrand shouted, tears in his eyes.
"We... We can't... We're dead. We can't help our children whatsoever..." Beatrice sniffled. "They're resourceful, though. They... They have a lot of their parents in them..."

*Klaus reads Nuptial Law to discover Olaf's plan*
"That's my boy!" Bertrand said happily.
"Our boy," Beatrice corrected, smirking at a dumbfounded Olaf.

*Olaf captures Sunny*
"LEAVE MY BABY GIRL ALONE, YOU WASTE OF OXYGEN!" Beatrice spat as Olaf carried Sunny into the tower room.

*Violet tries to save Sunny*
Beatrice was so proud of her daughter. "C'mon, Violet, you can do it! Save Sunny! Please!"
"The grappling hook is working great! Only a little more... Yes!" Bertrand cheered. "Oh. She got caught..."

* "Would it really be so bad to be my wife?" - Olaf*
"UM FUCK YEAH IT WOULD BE! YOU'RE A SOCIOPATHIC ASSHOLE PEDOPHILE!!!" Beatrice proceeds to rant about how horrible Olaf is.

*Sunny gambling her freedom... And winning... *
"Yaaay! My little Sun-drop is so smaaaarrrt!!!!" Bertrand cheered.
"Lucky Fernald..." Beatrice mumbled, "I wanna play poker with my daughter..."

*Violet signs the marriage certificate with her non-dominant hand*
Bertrand and Beatrice silently nod in approval.

*Klaus proving that the certificate is non-binding*
"KKKKAAAAAAARRRRRRRRREEEEEENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! COME LOOK AT ISADORA'S MAN BEING ALL GENIUS AND SHIT!" Beatrice yelled. Karen suddenly appeared behind her.
"WE'VE FOUND THE RIGHT ONE FOR MY DAUGHTER!!! YAAAS! I SHIIP IT! YOUR SON IS A GENIUS, BAUDELAIRES!" She exclaimed.
" He is... " Bertrand chucked.
"Oh he's gonna look great with my daughter on his arm." Quinten said from behind the group. The Baudelaires and Karen jumped up in shock, since they didn't know he was there. "What? I'm not allowed to ship it? By the way, I was watching Mr. Poe to see where the kids would be sent next and Violet, Klaus and Sunny have Prufrock Prep on their guardianship list..."

" Our ships!!!! " Beatrice said happily.
"Ships? As in plural of ship?" Bertrand asked hesitantly.
"Klaus and Isadora and then Duncan and Violet! Duh!" Karen explained.
"Mmmmmm I don't know about that."
" Yes you do and you ship it. "
"O-okay..."

* Olaf threatens Violet in the dark before escaping*
"Fuck this."
" Fuck my life. "
"Fuck Olaf."
" Who would?"
"Nobody."
" True. *gasps* THEY'RE GOING TO MONTY'S! YAAAAAAAYYYY! Oh shit Gustav is dead. "

********
632 words

I think I forgot some important moments but waddaya gonna do? Ya know? This is going to be done for the rest of the episode moments and book moments of I feel like crossing the streams.

(1/13) The Bad Beginning