A One Shot Book of Unfortunate Events

Fiona the Matchmaker

*Fiona's POV*

I think my friend Klaus is awesome, but he seriously needs to get a girlfriend. And I know the perfect girl for him! She's smart, pretty, creative, essentially checks all of Klaus' boxes, including height. "I like short girls because their lack of height is adorable!" I remember him saying once. Klaus also fit her preferences. I told him about her and he seemed in disbelief that I managed to find him his dream girl!

"What did you say her name was again?" Klaus asked me.
"Isadora. She's Quigley's triplet sister. I'm trying to set Violet up with the third triplet too."

I showed him a picture of Isadora and he blushed something awful. "That's... That's Isadora? She's so pretty! How come I haven't met her?"

I shrugged. "No clue, but I'm sure you two are gonna hit it off!"

I also talked Klaus up to Isadora. "He's super smart and kind, but he's also pretty sarcastic and salty if anyone is dumb enough to be rude to someone he cares about." I showed her a picture of him and she instantly snatched the Polaroid from my hands.

"Holy fuck he's cute! When can I meet this Klaus guy!?"
"I'll see if this Friday is good for him."

It was!

~*~
*Isadora's POV*

I pulled up to the small park we were to meet at about ten minutes before two -when Klaus and my date was set for. It was absolutely beautiful out recently so Fiona recommended this adorable little park with a flower garden and a dog park too! I sat on a nice bench in the flower garden and sketched a couple flowers as I waited, although my wait was cut short by an unfortunately familiar person.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Isadora Quagmire! What are you doing on my bench, Cakesniffer?!" Carmelita Spats sneered. She was my bully when I was younger...

"This is the park's bench, not yours. I understand if you sit here a lot, but that doesn't make it yours."
" Well I sit here a lot so get off before I make you! "
"I'm actually waiting for someone so..."

Carmelita laughed hysterically. "You're here with someone? Ha! That's precious and completely unbelievable! You're still the same worthless bitch, with your life filled with ashes and desperation... You're probably the most pathetic and easy to bully person I've ever met and you're sitting here telling me that you're on a date! I hope your loser self gets stood up!" With that horrible remark, she skipped away, leaving me to sulk, although that was interrupted too. I continued to stare at my knees as somebody sat next to me and tried to console me.

"Hey, I heard what she said. I just want you to know that none of that is true, although I don't know you... She seems like a horrible person. I'm Klaus." Klaus said.

I looked up and saw the guy I was supposed to meet. He blushed when he realized I'm his date and not some random girl. "Thanks, Klaus. You're Fiona's friend, right? She showed me a picture of you!"
" Um yeah. Isadora, right? " He replied.
I nodded. "Sorry about that chick... She used to bully me and she apparently hasn't matured since then. I'd rather forget seeing her than dwell on my past, ya know?"
He nodded and we looked at the pretty flowers in kind of awkward silence.

"When Tulips and Roses are in bloom, It's quite difficult to surrender to gloom." I said, followed by a satisfied sigh. I didn't expect him to respond, but he did!
"That's a couplet! Ogden Nash uses them!" He said eagerly.
"I know, I've read all of his work!" I grinned, "I wrote one about that god awful bully too."

Klaus said he'd like to hear it. I told him the couplet.

"That's hilarious! I especially like the part about the bowl of vampire bats!" Klaus chuckled. I like his smile. It made me feel warm inside. We continued to get to know eachother. He has two sisters named Violet and Sunny. I told him about my brothers. He said he gained a large inheritance from when his parents died in a tragic fire. I knew exactly how that felt. We thought it was a bit creepy how similar our lives are.

"Were your parents... Part of a secret organization?" I asked quietly. He nodded.
"VFD." He answered. I nodded to show that mine were in the same organization.

"Baudelaire, right?"
He nodded.
"Our parents were great friends and were great on missions together, according to An Incomplete History of Secret Organizations! We could've met before the schism!"
Klaus chuckled. "Perhaps when we were babies!" He entertained my silly notion, "And, like a lot of parents, they fantasized about us being on a date together!"

I laughed. "Duncan said Fiona set him up on a date too, with your sister, if I'm not mistaken!"
" You're not. Say, is Duncan a good guy? My sister means the world to me and I'm not afraid to call Fiona to hurt someone. "
"Why Fiona?"
"As cliche as it is, I'm a lover, not a fighter. If I got into fights, that would definitely make me have to buy new glasses a helluva lot more."
I chuckled softly. "I totally understand that. I will only get into fights if it is absolutely necessary. I'm not one for petty drama..."

We agreed that drama is stupid and changed the subject. Eventually, since we'd been talking for a while, we went to get a bite to eat. There was a great restaurant right down the block that had some high reviews.

"The Anxious Clown? They branched out of the Lake Lachrymose region?" He asked.
"Oh you've been there? Quigley has been planning a trip there for a cartography thing. Maybe you could show us around!"
" Well, I didn't get out of the house much, unless you count taking a sailboat out in the middle of a hurricane. " Klaus said in a monotone voice.

This guy is badass! Like... Dude! Total package here!

We were guided to a booth in the restaurant and soon enough, our waiter appeared.
"Hello, I'm Larry, your waiter. Welcome to The Anxious Clown!"
We ended up ordering some Cheer Up Cheeseburgers because Klaus said they were pretty good. They were!

"Hey what are you doing next Friday?" Klaus asked me.
"Going on another date with you, hopefully!" I grinned.
"Sure!" He chuckled .

I'm going to make sure I thank Fiona heaps!

********
1089 words

Welp, here ya go! :)