Ukrainian Lullaby - Gallavich

1 - it's not a big deal

Chapter 1 - It's not a big deal

Mickey didn't sleep at all during that night.

Mandy eventually drifted off to a nightmare filled sleep, after crying for hours.
Now she lay in her brother's arms. The scene of the night before kept playing in his head over and over again.

The worst thing was, that it sounded all too familiar... Mandy looked just like their mother, especially when she let her long black hair fall over her shoulders. The only difference was, that Mickey was the only one of the Milkovich children, that happened to inherit his mother's blue eyes.

Mickey sighed and gently moved Mandy's tiny body away from him. He got up from the bed and took the gun he had used last night. After he pushed the dresser away again, he entered the floor. He walked into the living room, finding his father passed out on the couch.

He pointed the gun at him.
He took a deep breath.
"Just fucking do it", he thought. His hands started shaking.

"Fuck", he cursed lowly and put the gun down again.
He sighed and walked into the kitchen to make some coffee.
The Milkovich boy ran a hand through his black hair and took deep breaths.

He stared at the gun, it seemed to mock him. He wasn't even strong enough to shoot his own, abusive, violent father after he caught him raping his little sister.
"Fucking weak faggot", he whispered and took the gun again, walking into the living room.

He stood behind the couch and aimed for his sleeping father's head.
His hands started to shake again, he rested it on the couch and slapped himself across the face.
"Come the fuck on", he breathed to himself.
He pointed the thing at him again, but his hands were shaking so hard, he would've missed for sure.

And if he misses what then? If his father would go after him now for trying to shoot him, he wouldn't have a chance... he would kill him - and what would happen to Mandy then?

Mickey put the gun back into the weapon cabinet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later Mandy woke up and while she took a long bath, Mickey prepared breakfast for her.

They sat down on the kitchen table.
Mickey watched his sister eating tiny bits of her breakfast.
He didn't know what to say... what could he possibly say? But he couldn't just pretend it didn't happen either.

Eventually, they heard shuffling from the living room and Mickey tensed up, when Terry entered the kitchen.
"Breakfast left for me?", he grunted.
"It's for Mandy", Mickey said before Terry could reach the frying pan.
"You want to tell me what I can and cannot eat in my house, boy?"
"After what you did, you don't fucking deserve any food at all"

Terry walked over to the table.
"You think, you're making the rules now?"
"After what you did, you can be glad to be alive" Mickey growled, and Mandy suddenly kicked him under the table.

"And what the fuck am I supposed to have done?"
Mickey scoffed "You sic- ", another kick send pain through Mickey's bed, "What the fuck Mandy?"

Terry looked over to his daughter and frowned.
"What happened to your face?" he asked and pointed at the bruises that he himself formed last night, "Who was that?"
"Nobody, it's nothing dad", Mandy even smiled at him.
Mickey stared at her with wide eyes and an open mouth.

Terry grumbled something before he left for the bathroom.
"Mandy? What the hell?"
Mandy didn't look at him, "Just forget about it", she mumbled while eating her breakfast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mickey had dragged Mandy out of the house soon after Terry woke up.

They were walking in silence.
Mickey didn't know what to say and Mandy didn't want to talk.

Talking about the horrible stuff that happened at their house just wasn't a thing... the siblings -including their older brothers that still came by from time to time- just stayed silent and pretend nothing happened as if that would make the memories and the bruises go away.
It was a behaviour they all copied from their mother.

It was already October.
Wind blew Mandy's long hair in her face and Mickey could swear she never looked more like her mom than now. Mickey shivered and pulled his jacket closer.

They eventually reached their destination; a bunch of abandoned buildings.

When they were younger, they would always come up here to play and hide from their dad. Their eldest brother had brought them here for the first time when Mickey was three and Mandy still a baby.

Back then, their mom was lying in hospital again and their dad was in a bad mood because of it. So, Joey took the children and hid them here in one of these buildings to make sure nothing happened to them at home - he died a few weeks later.

Mickey could barely remember Joey but he and his brothers from then on would always hold this place secret. It was their safe space.

Mandy and her brother climbed to one of the roof tops.
Neither had said a word yet, Mickey Just took some beers from his backpack and handed one to his sister.

"I can call our brothers" Mickey said eventually "I- I'm sure if we team up, we can kill that bastard!"
"Mickey..."
"Cut his hands off, pull his teeth, burn the tattoos out and he can't even be identified. No one will miss him anyways."
"Mick-"
"Strangle him in his sleep or poison his fucking dinner-
"Mickey!"

Mickey looked at her, she just avoided his eyes and toyed with the rubber band around her wrist.

"Just... just forget about it alright?"
"Fo-Forget about it? He- he fucking..." Mickey couldn't even say it and Mandy didn't want him to say it.

"He drinks and mistakes me for mom" she whispered "Every once in a while... Not like it's a big deal... really, I've got this by myself, alright?"

Mickey could feel his heart shattering at his sister's words.
"This... this wasn't the first time?" He asked and there was more uncomfortable silence between them.

Mickey never cried, not when he understood he was gay and that his dad would kill him if he found out, not when his dad would beat him, never.
In fact, the last time he cried was when his mother died.
But right now, tears crept into his eyes and he roughly subbed them away.

"Since when is this shit going on, Mandy?"
The girl swallowed and pulled her knees up to her chin.
"It wasn't so often in the beginning... maybe once all 3 or 4 months..."
"Since when?" Mickey repeated.
"The first time.... I was 12 I think..." she whispered.

Mickey let out a shaky breath.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me?" He asked desperately.
"Because I didn't want you to know! I don't... I don't want anyone to know, not you or Colin or Iggy or Jamie, alright? I don't want you to do something stupid, he'll kill You, like Joey!", tears were running down Mandy's cheeks, she looked away and threw the empty beer can at a wall.

"Why did he act like nothing happened this morning?" Mickey asked, while still sitting on the cold rooftop like he was glued onto it.

Mandy leaned her head against Mickeys shoulder.
"Blacks out. Forgets. He doesn't even know... He doesn't even know he's doing it... there's no use in riling yourself up on it, Mick. There's nothing you can do..."

"There is. I'll get you fucking out of here."