Dirty Little Secrets (Book1) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Six-Lena

A/N: Hello, Lovelies,

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting on Dirty Little Secret.  It makes me smile when people enjoy my stories.  Any questions you have, please put them in the comments or message me.  I have decided that I will be doing a double update today because this chapter is a little short so please be sure you are on the right chapter.  Chapter Seven will be up today also.  

The only warning I have for this chapter is grief dealing with a suicide of a friend.  If this harms you in any way, please do not read this chapter.  

I'll end this by saying if you liked this chapter, please vote.  Also, I read every comment, so if you comment, I will see it.  

- XXXXX Amanda

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I finally finished four hours after arriving at the library. I called an Uber and went home finding the house still empty. I sighed. Jay was probably working late which left me home by myself...Again. I swallowed trying not to take in the house as I imagined Barrett sitting at the table or watching movies in my room. It was much easier not to think of him when Jay was home filling the spaces where Barrett had been.

My phone rang making me jump as Barrett's image faded from my mind. I glanced down at the display. Becca's name flashed across the screen, making those images return full force. I winced, hesitating before answering. She hadn't spoken to me since Barrett's funeral. I supposed we both needed the time to process something that would never make sense. In the end, that's why I answered. Maybe she could give me a reason why he had done this.

"Hello," I said, almost in a whisper.

"L-Lena," she said, her voice hoarse from tears causing my heart to clench because I realized there would be no answers from her. She was even more broken than I was. Concern slithered through me as a fear that she would do exactly what he did entered my mind.

"Becca, are you okay?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"No," she answered in that same broken voice, the silence stretching so long that I wondered if she had hung up, "I need to talk to someone...Someone who understands. I need to get this off my chest."

"Okay," I said, swallowing because whatever she was going to say was bad...I could feel it in my soul.

"I keep thinking about...Him," she said, and I realized she found it difficult to say Barrett's name, "And things he said about you."

"He talked to you about me?" I asked, frowning at the revelation.

"You were his best friend," she said, a long melancholy sigh breaking through the line, "Of course he talked about you. He would say there were two people who were his favorite people in the world...Me and you. Everyone else fell in line afterward."

"What did he say about me?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"He was worried about you," she said, her voice trembling, "He said you closed yourself off. That's why he was your only friend. You didn't let people see how wonderful you were. He worried if you kept doing that, it was going to hurt you."

I couldn't help it. I was angry that he had said that and then, took his own life. Something had hurt him out there and he wanted me to do the same thing.

"He was an extrovert and you see where he is now," I said, pressing lips together because it was harsh and cruel.

"That's not what killed him," she said, choking over her words, "Loneliness did."

"He had us," I hissed, my heart heavy with the pain and anger his death left behind.

"I know you don't understand," she said, crying openly now, "But I wanted you to know because I thought you needed to. I thought I could be there for you and help you so his fears didn't come true. Now, you're angry. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry."

My heart lurched in my chest, "No, I'm sorry," I whispered, realizing I had just hurt the one person who was probably hurting as bad as I was...Maybe even worse, "I shouldn't have said those things especially since all you are trying to do was make something he worried about better."

She was silent for a few moments, "I don't regret telling you...I think he would want you to know even if you are angry right now. You can do what you want with it. But I just want you to know that I am your friend. I have always been your friend. I know it's not like what you had with him, but I want to be there for you and I hope you'll be there for me. We need each other...especially with him gone."

"Becca, you know I'll always be here if you need me," I said, swallowing over the lump in my throat, "And thank you for telling me what he said...Thank you for worrying about it."

She sighed again, "You're welcome," she said, shyly, "Maybe we can have lunch at school on Monday. Maybe we can hang out."

"That would be nice," I said, shifting because I had been sitting by myself since returning to school.

"I'll see you then okay?" She asked.

"Okay," I said and then, we hung up. I laid back on my bed, Barrett's worries running through my mind. My heart squeezed because he had been right. I had always pushed people away. I always stayed to myself. Being lonely was starting to be exhausting...I was tired of being by myself. I was tired of being me.

I sighed sitting up as I heard a car door close. I moved to the window realizing that it was Asher leaving. I bit my bottom lip. Maybe I should take him up on his offer to introduce me to new people. I glanced at my closet, pushing away my nerves and decided in that moment to finally enter the world instead of staying closed away in my own bubble. I straightened my spine deciding it was time for a change.