Dirty Little Secrets (Book1) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Thirty-Three-Lena

Hello, My Lovelies, 

Thank you for joining me and for all the support you give my books and me.  It means so much to me.  We have one more chapter after this and an epilogue.  So, we are very close to the end of Dirty Little Secrets.

I know the last few chapters have been a bit sad and I can't promise this one won't be but stick with me until the end.  You won't regret it.  

I do hope you enjoy this chapter.  If you do, please consider voting.  Comments are deeply appreciated.  If you have any questions, please comment or send me a message.  

-XXXX Amanda

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I don't remember running from the party. Memories cracked and broken floated through my mind, reminding me of a body pressed against mine and the knowledge that something awful was going to happen to me. I wandered through the neighborhoods, running from one to the next. Only when I stood on Becca's porch did the images try to piece together, blurring in my mind's eye before breaking apart again as I knocked frantically on her door.

I trembled as she opened it, her eyes widening upon seeing me and her mouth falling open, "Lena?" My name was barely audible as she pulled her purple silk robe around her and tightening the tie, "My God! What happened?"

As if her question were the key to my memories, everything came flooding back, hitting me...Hurting me so much it almost took my breath away. A sob tore from my throat, shaking my sanity. She immediately embraced me pulling me inside her house, holding me close to her so I wouldn't fall. Her body heat sank into me making my cold skin shudder.

She led me to the couch while allowing me to lean on her. Once seated, her blue eyes searched my face as she tried to figure out what had made me fall apart, "Lena, you're scaring me," she said, brushing my hair from my tear-streaked face with the tips of her fingers, "Tell me what happened so I can help you."

I tried and failed to speak before finally pushing the words from me, "I was hanging out with L-Lance," I said, stumbling over my words as my body shook, "A-Asher asked me to t-talk to him and I r-refused and w-went to a p-party w-with L-Lance instead. B-by the time we got there I-I decided to go back home and t-talk to Asher. I had been crying. S-So I went to the bathroom t-to wash my face. J-James came in and he tried to-"

I couldn't finish the sentence afraid that it would make what had happened to me more real when I wanted to push it back into a corner of my mind where it would never emerge again. Instead, I burst into sobs. Becca's eyes widened as she pulled me against her, rubbing my back as she tried to calm me.

"Does Lance or Asher know?" She whispered as I took shuddering breaths, "What about Jay? Have you called him?"

"L-Lance saved me," I said, shaking, "H-He was f-fighting him when I left."

"He doesn't know you're here?" She asked, her voice high and causing me to flinch. She gave me an apologetic look before lowering her voice, "Lena, he's probably really worried about you."

She rose from the couch, but I grabbed her hand terrified to be alone though I didn't understand why because somewhere in my mind, I realized I was safe here but it didn't matter. Tears blurred my vision and I trembled even more as she sank to the couch.

She bit her lip, "I don't know what to do right now," she said, glancing across the room at the phone as it began to ring.

"J-Just stay with me for a little while longer," I said curling into a ball on her couch, "I-I need you to stay until I quit crying."

She nodded, her eyes clouding with worry, "Okay," she whispered, softly, "I'll stay."

I squeezed my eyes shut, "I-I wish Barrett was here," I whispered, brokenly, "He would have let you stay with me while h-he went to my house to get Jay."

"I wish he was too," she said, closing her eyes, her lashes trembling in the dim light of the room.

"I just wish I knew why he's not," I said, shaking my head but when I looked at Becca, she had opened her eyes and I could see it. I could see she knew why.

"You know," I said, sobering enough to stare at her with wide eyes, compelled to know the reason for his death. Time stood still as I waited for her to speak.

"Lena, you're upset right now," she said, shaking her head, "Let me tell you when you're calmer."

But I knew she wouldn't. She would find a way to ignore it, "No, tell me now," I said, through clenched teeth, "It's killing me not to know. Don't you see that?"

She raised a shaky hand running it through her blonde locks as she chose the words she would say, "He asked me to marry him."

I frowned, shaking my head, "And you said no."

"No, I said yes," she said, choking over the word, "I thought my parents would be happy but they weren't. When I told them, they tried to force me to break up with him and I refused."

"But I don't understand," I said, frowning as I tried to make sense of what she was saying, "Why? Barrett was wonderful."

"He was," she said, tears falling down her cheeks, "But they said I was throwing my life away and that I was too you but I know what love is. I was in love with him. I was packing my bags to leave them behind when Barrett called. My mother answered the phone and told him that I had decided against marrying him which was a lie. I left my parent's house but by the time I got to his apartment, he had taken all those pills," A sob broke from her as her face twisted in pain, "I checked him, hoping for a breath...A heartbeat but he was already gone. I just remember screaming. When the paramedics arrived, they had to pull me away from him because I didn't want to let him go. I think I'm still there. I don't want to let him go. I love him so much and I hate my parents for what they did. H-He died thinking I didn't love him."

I stood, shaking my head, "Love always hurts," I whispered, "Always. You're hurting because of Barrett and I'm hurting because of Asher. It doesn't end. It never ends."

"Lena," she said, reaching for me but I shook my head, moving out of her reach.

"No," I said, my chest aching, "I'm tired of this. I'm so fucking tired."

Images of Barrett slammed into my mind, each one hurting because he wasn't here. Each one taking a piece of me and warping it so it didn't fit into place anymore. I shook my head again and ran toward the door and though I could hear Becca calling my name, pleading for me to return, I couldn't face her. I couldn't face anyone until the pain stopped.