Dirty Little Secrets (Book1) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Twenty-Eight-Asher

Hello, Lovelies, 

I hope everyone is doing well.  Thank you for joining me and thank you for all of your support. I really have loved the comments on all my books, so for those who have sent me words of encouragement, I appreciate it.  It has helped me more than you know.  Thank you for the reads and the votes.  It really does help to have people that I see reading my work consistently.  You remind me that there are people who enjoy my work even during those times when I look at it not really knowing if it's good.  Yes, every writer goes through that.  I mean...Stephen King threw away Carrie.  So, I want you to know that you as readers do help so much and you are as much a reason for our books being out there as the person who writes them.  It means a lot more than you know.  

I hope you enjoy this chapter.  I know some of you were angry with Asher.  Give his side a chance. Pretty please.  If you enjoy this chapter, please consider voting.  Comments are deeply appreciated.  If you have questions, please comment or send me a message. 

-XXXX Amanda

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My head was fucking pounding as I pulled up to my house. The bright sunlight speared through my head like fire, burning my eyes and causing my stomach to roll. My emotions were in an uproar over what had happened the night before. My mind was filled with Lena and it fucking terrified me especially when Chrissy offered her body and I turned her down because all I wanted was the girl who lives next door to me. The thought of anyone else touching me repulsed me. She had slapped me and stomped off, pouting for the rest of the night.

Lance had let me sleep it off on his couch, but I didn't go to school. I didn't want to face the world. I wanted to fucking think but the moment I pulled up, I glanced over at Lena's house surprised to see her sitting at the table in the front yard, her face blotchy from tears.

My heart twisted as I realized something must have happened for her to have skipped school. I only hoped it wasn't something to do with Becca. I walked over to her, concern twisting through me, flinching when her eyes narrowed at me. I was surprised to see hurt and hate twisting within them.

"Do you need to talk?" I asked, confused as her anger focused on me. I blinked wondering what I had done to upset her so much.

She shook her head, "I just need to give you a message," She said, causing my stomach to turn with dread as she stood putting distance between us...Always putting distance between us. I rubbed my hand over my eyes trying to banish the thought because I hated that she always backed away from me but I hated myself more for not wanting her to when I knew this would eventually end.

I frowned as I faced her, "What's the message?"

"Chrissy told me to tell you that last night was great," she said, giving me a bitter smile through her tears.

I flinched with her words because the bitch had lied and Lena obviously believed her. I had turned her down being as faithful to Lena as if she was my girlfriend. The silence stretched between us as anger slid through me. I had never wanted to hit a girl, but Chrissy had pissed me off for the thought to run through my mind but more than that, it pissed me off that Lena believed her. This was one of the many reasons why I didn't do relationships.

My nostrils flared, "Why are you crying?" I asked, because if she was going to believe her then I was going to let her, "You knew it would end someday."

She flinched and I immediately felt like shit, wishing I could take back the words, but when she straightened, I knew it was too late. Resolve settled in her gaze as she peered at me, the heat of her hurt and anger hit me in the chest.

"You're right, I did," she said, starting to walk away from me but I grabbed her bicep desperate to keep some semblance of a relationship with her even though I knew I didn't deserve it after what I had just said.

"Wait," I said, my words softening to almost a whisper, "We're supposed to stay friends. It's part of the deal."

When her eyes met mine, I knew that wasn't going to happen. Her eyes showed every emotion sliding through her. Her hate came from hurt and her hurt came from her being in love with me. The realizations caused me to stagger back.

"You were supposed to tell me if you caught feelings for me," I said, releasing her and gripping my chest as my heart clenched painfully.

She gritted her teeth, "I tried to back away," she spat out, "You wouldn't let me. Every time I did, you got closer."

"No, I didn't," I said, but even as I said it, I knew I lied. I had always hated her putting distance between us.

"Really? Whose idea was it to make it more than a one night stand?" She asked raising her chin, "Who decided we should hang out and be friends but made our outings seem more like dates? They even ended in sex, didn't they? I tried to go on a date but you crowded in on me right afterwards, always acting like a jealous boyfriend. Then, you begged me to let you be there for me when I could have gone home to try to figure it out myself. It wasn't your job to fix me. Those are things people do if they care about someone more than friendship but you never let me even take one step away from you. So, of course, I have feelings for you. Of course, I fell in love with you."

I swallowed hard because she had every right to be angry with me. She was right. I was so terrified that she would fade away from me that I did all those things and I ended up hurting her when I never wanted to.

"I won't do those things anymore," I said, grasping one last time at her being in my life, "I'll be your friend."

She shook her head, "You don't get it," She whispered closing her eyes as a tear fell down her cheek, "It's too late for that. I can't be your friend. I can't be your anything."

Those words hit my heart and it fucking hurt. She looked up at me, her beautiful eyes now red and swollen from her tears over me, peering into me and tearing me apart.

"I would wish you a good life and I will want you to have that eventually," she said, shaking her head, "But the angry and hurt part of me wants you to go through hell every time you see me because you reduced me to one of those girls you used to kick out and will kick out again. One day, I will get over that and I'll wish you the best. I'll hope that you find whatever it is you are looking for. Until then, it's over and I'll spend my time getting over you."

Then, she turned and though I wanted to say something, I didn't. I let Lena walk away from me, but it felt like the worst sin. As soon as I stepped into my house, I did something I hadn't done over a girl...Not even Ellis when we broke up. I sank to the floor and cried until I couldn't cry anymore.