Dirty Little Secrets (Book1) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Thirty-Asher

Hello, Lovelies, 

I hope everyone is having a great day.  Thank you for joining me and thank you to everyone who has given this book a chance.  Thank you to everyone who has read my other books.  The support has been phenomenal.  It means a lot.  

Anyway, we have four chapters and an epilogue left.  I will be showing the cover for Lance's book in the next chapter called Dirty Little Tease.  I'm excited.  

I hope you like this chapter.  If you do, please consider voting.  Comments are deeply appreciated.  If you have a question, comment or leave me a message.

-Amanda

I would like to dedicate this chapter to @lynne1o95 .  You have been truly awesome!  Thank you so much!

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Why did being without Lena feel more miserable than I felt after Ellis and I broke up? Each morning I woke up, hoping the things I said to her were a nightmare, reaching for her and not finding her there. My heart ached with her absence to the point of being unbearable.

A week passed and I didn't see her at school nor did I see her in the mornings when I woke. I would look through my window to see that she was already gone. I was going crazy with the need to see her...To catch one simple glimpse of her.

I was losing hope on Friday when I turned the corner, stopping in the middle of the hall, shocked to find her talking to James. I gritted my teeth. How could she speak to him after how he had treated her?

"I heard they're dating," Chrissy said, grinning as I turned to find her behind me, "Of course, she's dating a few guys."

As if to prove her right, Lance moved beside Lena and put his arm around her. My nostrils flared as I watched them. Chrissy curled her hand over my shoulder and I backed away, sickened by her touch.

Still, she smiled, spite sliding through her eyes, "It hurts doesn't it?" She asked, raising her brow, "To be used and thrown away?"

"Lena didn't use me," I said, my heartbreaking because I knew I spoke the truth, "But you made her think I used her."

"Are you hurting?" She asked, her lips quirking in that cruel smile.

I refused to answer her, and she laughed, "If you are, good. Now, you know how I felt."

I glanced toward Lena as Lance led her away from James, who stared after them with his teeth gritted and his hands curled into fists. I shook my head and followed Lance and Lena out the door.

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Maybe I was glutton for punishment, but I followed Lena and Lance to the restaurant. That ache worsened as I realized they were on a date as I hit my steering wheel trying to get rid of the pain. Images of Lance kissing her came unbidden to my mind followed by him touching her the way that only I had touched her. I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself, but I couldn't because the pain in my chest was pressing down on my lungs until a sob burst from my throat.

I closed my eyes but that only made the images worse. A tear leaked down my face and I wiped it away. I had cried more tears over Lena than I had over anyone and it was as frightening as it was gut-wrenching.

I started my car and drove back to my house, wishing that I could move because being so close to her and so far away was killing me. I sat in my car taking a deep breath before exiting only to realize the universe really had it out for me because the first girl to break me stood on my doorstep.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped taking in Ellis' pretty face. As usual, she didn't seem taken back by my temper. She simply raised her brow and crossed her arms.

"I came to talk to you," she said, raising her chin.

"I have nothing to say to you," I said, gritting my teeth because she was the last person I wanted to see.

She frowned, shifting uncomfortably, "I know you're still mad at me," she said, her voice soft and breathy, "But please...Hear me out."

"Will you leave afterwards?" I asked, willing to listen if it would get her to leave faster.

"If you want me to," she said, biting her bottom lip.

I walked to my door and unlocked it, opening it for her to step inside. She glanced around the house, taking in the place where she used to live and then, turned to me.

"I have a lot of memories here," she whispered and then, sighed.

"I'm sure," I said, narrowing my eyes, "Some of them were fucking my best friend."

She winced, "Well...That's over," she said, taking a deep breath, "I ended it."

I raised my brow because I automatically knew why she was here and though there were many times over the months after we broke up that I wanted this very thing to happen, all I wanted now was for her to leave.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Ellis," I said, rubbing my hand over my eyes, suddenly tired.

"Well, I came here hoping there was a chance for us," she said, biting her bottom lip.

I started to laugh and for the first time since her appearance, she seemed unsure and I realized she thought she still had me. She thought I would take her back.

"I've heard what you've been doing," she said, her brow furrowing, "I know you. You don't want a life where you sleep with a different girl every night."

I nodded, "You're right," I said, my nostrils flaring, "I don't. I want to wake up every morning with the girl I am in love with...Who loves me just as much as I love her. I want to take her on dates and cuddle with her on the couch. I want to run her baths and take care of her when she's having a hard day. I want to be with her."

She smiled because she realized I used to do those things with her, "I want that too."

I shook my head, "Then you need to find it with someone else," I said, raising my chin because I knew without a doubt that I wasn't talking about her. The reason why my heart was so ravaged after Lena ended things with me was that I loved her even then...Before then. I had wanted her from the moment I saw her dancing from my window but now, I needed her because without her my life was lacking in her light and love meant nothing without her.

Ellis blinked at me confused, "What are you saying?"

I smiled because now, that I had admitted what I wanted to myself, my anger towards Ellis evaporated the moment I acknowledged my love for Lena, "I'm saying I wish you the best. I am in love with someone," I said, taking a deep breath because I had just said it out loud for the first time, "And that someone isn't you."

Tears filled Ellis' eyes, "But I was told-"

I shook my head, "I don't care what you were told," I said, straightening, "I am telling you the truth. I realize what you came her for but I'm not yours anymore. I will never be yours again. My heart belongs to someone else."

She nodded, her chin trembling as she turned toward the door, "I hope you have a good life, Asher."

I nodded, "Regardless of what happened, I hope you have a good life too."

Then, the last of the line of girls who left my house crying exited my life. As she did, I ran my hand through my hair, trying to figure out how I was going to get Lena to come back into it.