Dirty Little Secrets (Book1) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Twenty-Six-Asher

Hello, Lovelies, 

Surprise!  It's Saturday and you're getting an update for Dirty Little Secrets.  First, I want to say thank you for joining me and thank you as always for your support.  It means so much to me.  You are wonderful readers!  

So, I am going to tell you why you are getting this update.  Well, as you know this book is in Wattys 2019.  I would really prefer that the judges get the whole book so I'll be updating often until this book is finished. There are around eight chapters and an epilogue left.  Hopefully, this is good news to you.  I will go ahead and tell you that there will be a sequel.  I have mentioned it before but it will be Lance's story.  It will be called Dirty Little Tease.  

I do hope you enjoy this chapter.  If you do, please consider voting.  Comments are deeply appreciated.  If you have questions, comment or send me a message.

-XXXX Amanda

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Lena was broken. The light in her eyes was quickly going out and it was driving me insane as I led her into my house. I didn't care about our deal. I didn't care that this would seem like I was starting to love her as long as I could fix her heart, even if it was only for one night.

Once inside, I released her hand and she moved away from me. She stood in the center of my living room, shuddering though it wasn't from the cold. She had held in her grief for too long, burying it beneath her calm façade. All the while, she was breaking apart inside only using distractions to keep her from facing the grief she had of losing her best friend.

I took her face in my hands, peering into her eyes as I tried to figure out exactly how to help her. Her face was red and splotchy as my thumbs ran over her cheeks, hoping the action would bring her back some of the light in her eyes.

"I'm going to go run you a bath," I whispered, wincing because the only other female I had ever run a bath for was Ellis. I shook that thought away. This was not about my ex. It was about Lena and I could not make this about Ellis or me.

"I can take a shower," She whispered, her eyes downcast and I realized she'd seen my reaction.

"No," I said, gently leading her to the couch and beckoning her to sit down, "I'm running you a bath and you're going to relax."

She nodded but I knew it was because she was too exhausted to argue. I walked into the bathroom to the garden tub I never used and began to fill it before returning to her, finding her staring at her hands, not really seeing anything around her. The blankness of her stare sent a shot of fear straight to my heart. If she stayed like this, she would get sick and I couldn't bear that thought.

I took her hands and gazed into her eyes, "Lena, tell me what I can do for you," I said, softly but the desperation running through me was anything but gentle. It was constricting, making it hard to breathe.

Something broke in her eyes as a tear fell down her cheek. My heart ached as I leaned forward and kissed the tear away as her bottom lip trembled. I kissed her again, wanting to take away all her pain. I wanted her to smile again but still, she hesitated in returning the kiss. Finally, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I picked her up, without breaking the kiss. Somehow, it seemed like a lifeline...A way to keep her from drowning in the grief gripping her heart. I would do anything to keep her from that pain because I was afraid if it took her, it would take her for good.

I lowered her to her feet in the bathroom, turning off the water before facing her, finding that she had stepped toward the door as if searching for a way to put distance between us. I grabbed her hand and pulled her flush against me.

"You're not running from me tonight, Lena," I said as I stripped her of her clothes before leading her toward the tub. As soon as she was seated, I peeled off my clothes before joining her in the water and pulling her against me with her back to my chest.

She was silent as I massaged her neck and shoulders until her breathing calmed and she leaned fully against me again. I ran my fingers over her arms, causing a shudder to run through her.

"Why do you always have to fight me when I try to take care of you?" I whispered, softly knowing instantly that I did not want to hear the answer.

She stiffened and I knew I was right. The answer was going to tear my heart out, "Because people are temporary...Even the ones you think will be around you forever. You can't depend on them. You can only depend on yourself."

Barrett...She was talking about Barrett. Somehow, it always led back to him. A weird form of jealousy slid through me and a thought I did not want to have whispered through my mind. Would I ever be as important to her as he was?

I shook my head of the thought and turned her to face me, "I will always want to help you, Lena."

Her eyes darkened and I knew she didn't believe me. She viewed me as temporary. Even though it was true, it fucking hurt.

"I know you want to," she said, biting her bottom lip, "But I don't expect it because one day, you will forget about me."

I stared at her, understanding why she would believe that but I would never forget about her. On my deathbed, I would remember her as I lay dying. I opened my mouth to tell her she was wrong but she pressed her lips to mine and I knew she didn't want to argue. She just wanted to find peace even if it was only for a moment. Even if it was temporary.

My lips moved over hers as she straddled my waist moving against me as a moan escaped her lips. Her eyes met mine as I whispered her name words I did not want to say trapped on my tongue because they scared the hell out of me.

"We can't," I groaned against her lips, giving the last bit of resistance to those feelings, "No condom."

"I'm on birth control," She whispered causing me to stiffen with the thought of being with Lena without a barrier, "I started taking it after the first time."

The only person I had been with without a condom was Ellis but as I gazed into Lena's eyes, I couldn't deny how much I wanted to be with her this way. I gripped her ass pulling her against me as I pressed my mouth to hers again. Her mouth opened on a moan as I entered her, allowing her to take control as my hand skimmed down her spine, relishing the feel of her soft skin beneath my touch.

She broke the kiss as she quivered against me, breaking apart. The tears that stained her face were gone as she called out my name and that light I wanted to return so badly, flickered to life. She was so fucking beautiful and I knew I would remember her just like this forever.

I pulled her to me as I kissed her feeling heat slide through me as I found my release inside her.

Trembling, she moved to pull away from me, but I wrapped my arm around her waist holding her in place unable to let her put distance between us. Her breaths mingled with mine as I raised my eyes to hers, my emotions twisted, and I realized I never wanted to let her go but I knew I had to because I couldn't give her the power to break me in two.