My Love, Brian May {Book 2}

Confession

     At this point, I had no idea if what I was about to do was real or not. 'What am I suppose to say?' There was that devil and angel situation swarming throughout my head as he waited impatiently for my response.
     It was if my life was flashing past my eyes, showing me the outcomes of each decision. His eyes pierced my soul, searching for the answer that wouldn't come out of my mouth.
With each beat of my heart I could tell he was growing more and more impatient with my thinking.
"Izzy? Are you alright?" He asks while pushing a curl behind my ear sending little shivers down my spine. I don't reply, I don't have the guts to reply to such a question with horrid outcomes. Then it hits me, like a thought actually slammed against my head.
     If I agree, I'll make a friend happy, if I refuse, I'll make my finance happy...my love of my life. All those cuddles and kisses were kisses and cuddles of love and love towards me. Roger didn't know anything about my past and how to help me cope with it... while Brian, Brian has been there for me since day one. I mean, he wants a kid with me. He wants to have a child with a person I thought would never be loved. Roger was a sex god, but Brian was the love of my life. I knew my decision right then and there.
     "No..." I mumble under my breath making Roger eye me funny. Looking up to him with tears in my eyes I cup his face and stare him straight in his blue orbs. "I love you Roger... so very much. But you'll never loved the way I love my husband. I'm sorry but... I need to be with the one who needs me more." I press my lips against his one last time before breaking the kiss and darting out the room and down the stairs towards the door. I pull my shoes and coat on before heading out the door and grabbing a cab.
     The whole way home, I was thinking about how Roger was feeling as well as Brian. As much as it would hurt our relationship, I had to tell him about the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life.
     Finally I reach the flat and hurry as fast as I could up the stairs and to my home where my love was waiting. As I open the door, I find him on the couch watching the television. Kicking off my shoes I race towards him and pull him into a tight hug as I quietly weep on his shoulder.
     "Izzy...? What's the matter love?" He asks trying to pull away so he could look me in the eye.
     "I've made the most terrible mistake I've ever made in my life Brian..." I muffle into his shirt, leaving a little wet spot where my eyes produced my painful tears.
     He manages to lift my head to look into my red eyes. "What on earth are you talking about?" He asks confused as to why I was so upset. 'You have to tell him, it'll only make your relationship worse.'
     "I broke your promises, I broke your heart, I broke my own heart, I made myself believe that what I was doing was okay but it wasn't! It was the most selfish act I've ever pulled and I don't deserve you because of it." I cry, producing more tears from my dry eyes.
     "Izzy...what did you do love?" He asks, his voice soft and concerned but also filled with worry and fear.
     "I chose to make two people happy at once..." I start while slowly getting off his lap knowing he would probably want to be as far away from me as possible after I had told him. "I made your bandmate happy... while lying to you the entire time..." I admit making me cry even more. After my confession, I thought that that feeling of a weight being lifted from your chest would occur... but it didn't. Instead it felt as if another weight had been added to my almost crushed body.
     "You..." He whispers before I interrupt him.
     "Yes... I cheated on you with Roger." I mumble releasing the words from out of my clogged throat. The tears had stopped but the aching had worsen followed by a weakened heart and a crushed soul.
     "The hospital... your heart attack..."
     "Was caused from Roger not being there for me... the tattoo, Roger was there, the fight, Roger was there, the pain in my overwhelmed heart, Roger was there. I wasn't with friends or shopping, I was at his flat... enjoying his presence."
     "Did you two..."
     "No... I stopped while I could knowing I'd be throwing everything away..." I reply feeling waves of anxiety to wash over my already weak body. The pain was too much to bear, for a second, a blade came to my mind and how good it felt to release the pain through more pain.
     He doesn't say anything, he just sits there in silence before silently crying. 'I've made a mistake.'
     "Oh god...." I whisper as the tears continued to pour from my burning eyes. "I can't be here. Brian I'm sorry, I... I hate myself for what I did and know you'll never forgive me. I..." I slowly slip the two rings from my fingers and hold them in my palm. I then take the necklace and remove it from my neck also placing it in my palm. "I hope you find a wife...that will love you and never lie to you unlike my foolish self. I'll be out in a second." I say while setting the jewelry down on the coffee table in front of his awestruck expression.
     I hurry to our...his room and pull my belongs out and place them in a bag. I take a large luggage and pack as much as I could into it while trying to hurry out as fast as possible. 'I need to go. I need to go...'
     Once my bag was packed I race out the door leaving my poor fi...I mean ex, behind me. The pain was so much I almost felt as if I had heard him calling after me, telling me that everything was alright and people make mistake but it was just my depressed mind playing tricks on me.
     Pulling a cab over, I tell them to take me to my mothers house. And off I went, leaving all my happiness behind me.