My Love, Brian May {Book 2}

Letting Go

⚠️ Self harm/suicide warning don't read if uncomfortable ⚠️
     I had just finished 2 more cuts on either arm while in the bathroom. It wasn't as deep this time because I was in the right mindset while doing it. I let the little bit of blood slither down my arms as I lay my head back against the wall of the hotel room.
     It wasn't much but I felt a little better. My punishment was slowly being fulfilled at every cut until one day it would hopefully kill me. 'Mmm, That sounds nice. Just to lie down and die. It would make the world a better place for everyone and maybe I'd be able to see dad again.'
     These harmful thoughts filled every inch of brain space I had left. Sometimes I wish I had succeeded the first time, this was one of those times.
     'I wonder if anyone was thinking about me right now...'

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     Brian's POV
     I've been sitting in this chair for over 4 hours. I didn't dare move, afraid I'll react wrong to everything I had heard 4 hours ago. She had cheated on me with Roger. 'Why am I not as mad as I thought I was gonna be?'
     With enough courage, I sit up, sore from staying in the same position for too long. Slowly, I head over to our bedroom where all her belongs were gone except one.
     I approach the white and gold wedding dress laying on the ground. Bending down, I pick it up and run my fingers over the sparkles of gold and white that she was supposed to wear on our wedding day.
     Holding it up to my nose, I inhale a familiar scent that was my wife's perfume. 'She's probably tried it on after we had bought it.' Her scent brought me a bit of comfort as I continued to hold my cold expression.
     I was furious with her and Roger. But then again, I didn't know the whole story. Maybe he had forced her to say it, I'm not sure. Whatever it was, it indeed broke my heart as much as I bet it hurt hers.
     "Lord this is too much to take in..." I mumble holding the piece of clothing close to me. It was the last thing I have of her. I don't even know where she went off to. "Probably Rogers..." I mutter at the mention of that horrid man.
     "Only one way to find out..." I sigh getting up with the dress still in hand and walking towards the phone before dialing Rogers number.
     It rang a few times before a familiar voice was heard through the speaker. "Hello?" Roger answers sounding sorta tired by the tone of his voice.
     "Roger... I've recently heard you've been having an affair with my wife..." I start making him grow quiet on the other end.
     "Uh... Brian I..." He stammers unsure what to say.
     "Save it... I need to know where she is..."
     "I...I dunno mate. Last I saw her was when she ran out on me at Freddie's but that was hours ago...why? did she run out on you too?"
     "No shit Rog..." I mumble into the receiver already annoyed with his stupid questions.
     "Alright alright... I'm sorry." He sighs on the other end.
     "For cheating on my wife and betraying our friendship or annoying me?" I reply making him grow quiet again.
     "Both. Bri... I, I feel absolutely terrible..."
     "Well you should be cause you don't know her like I do and for all I know... she.. she could be hurting herself right now. Her feelings are too close to her actions. She could kill herself."
     "Woah woah woah, Izzy....cuts herself?"
     "Bloody hell..." I whisper annoyed at his off topic questions. "She did but I'm not sure if she's doing it again now."
     "What d'you want me to do about it? You hate me, she hates me, I hate me. What could I possibly do?"
     "I want you to tell me where you think she might be." I reply waiting for his response impatiently so I could find her.
     "I dunno mate. Like you said... you know her better than I."
     "Roger Meddows Taylor, don't you be yourself towards me especially right now!" I mutter into the receiver. "You are just as guilty as her and yet I still feel more hate towards you at the moment."
     "Brian...."
     "No, Roger... look thanks for your help but it's gonna take a long time to forgive you..." and with that I hung up and held my face in my hands as I silently cried. "Oh god Izzy.... where did you go?"

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     Izzy's POV
     Throughout the rest of the day, I continue to just hang around my hotel room, crying my eyes out on occasions. I don't think I've ever cried this much in one day. It honestly hurt, it hurt like hell.
     I now lay on my bed as the last drops of sunlight shine through my window while tracing the cuts I had created today. It distracted my mind in the most disturbing way possible.
     Holding the picture frame in my other hand, I let the memories flow back through my mind. The mall where he bought my first ring. The first show where I met the whole band. The hotel in Paris where he proposed, asking me to be with him for the rest of his life. I couldn't even keep that promise.
     I honestly missed him. I even missed Roger who started all of this nonsense. I miss Freddie's charming personality, I miss Mary's understanding acts, Dom's fun side, Johns soft side, and even Veronica's caring personality. I missed it all.
     The more I thought about these memories the more I leaned towards the decision of ending my life. "You've had your fun Izzy... I think it's time for you to let go... once and for all."