My Love, Brian May {Book 2}

Alone

When I reach the house I notice my mom not home then I remember it's grocery day for her. I write her a little note on the counter, so she's not shocked to see me, before heading upstairs to my room.
Surprisingly, everything was the same. My bed had the same covers on from high school and my furniture was all still there. The only things missing were my accessories and clothes.
I drop my luggage on the ground and fall onto my bed, the bed that Brian and I had shared countless times. I begin to sob into my pillow at the remembrance of what had just happened came to mind.
I had always promised myself that when I grew up, I'd make the right choices and never make the mistake I had made. These thoughts swarmed my head until I feel asleep.

Dream

I look around but find nothing but darkness and only darkness. There appeared to be no doors either, just a dark empty room. Suddenly a person stands in front of me...my dad.
"Dad?" I say, my voice echoing throughout the room.
"You've made a mistake sweetheart."
"I know, I...wish I hadn't..."
"He loves you you know." My dad says as I begin to silently cry.
"He did, he probably hates me now. Wouldn't blame him, I'd hate myself too."
He continues to stand in front of me with a soft but stern look on his face. "That's where you're wrong hon."
     I look up to meet his green eyes. "What do you mean?"
     "You've known Brian for almost ten years... you know his personality the best. He sees the good in others rather than what mistakes they've made."
     "Dad you don't understand. I cheated on him...with his bandmate... his best friend. I broke his heart. You can't undo that..."
"Darling... don't tell me your thinking about..."
"About what? That I...I might hurt myself? Well your spot on dad. Not only did I hurt him, I basically killed the other half of me that I can no longer live without. Why are you even here?"
He looks down as I glare at him, upset that he's reminding me of my most painful mistake.
"I love you... he loves you...your mom loves you... please don't hurt yourself for a guy."
"He's not just a guy! He's the love of my life. The person that has taken your place ever since you've been gone. I almost killed myself... twice because of your passing." I snap at him, angry at the fact he was selling me out for what I was planning to do.
"I didn't want to leave. The cancer was too much hon... I think you've had enough of me. Time to wake up..."
"What?"

End of Dream

I wake up with a pounding heart and sore wrists. I look down to see bottles of whiskey and bloody blades all over my bed. 'What happened?'
I then examine my wrists, there were cuts up and down my forearms. One cut close to the vein that could have ended my life. "I must've woken up and done it before falling back asleep."
Blood was still dripping onto the sheets. Looking at it bleed almost made me...happy? Why? I don't know but it made me feel like I deserved the pain as a punishment for my terrible actions.
My actions.... the break up... oh god my head was pounding just thinking about it. My mother doesn't seem to be home yet either. 'Oh god, what if she comes home and sees this? I need to leave.'
I spring out of bed and grab my luggage along with the empty bottles, making sure to trash them. I then throw a blanket over the bloody sheets before hurrying down the stairs and to the front door where I quickly put my shoes on.
As I dart out the door I see a cab and pull it over. I ask him to take me to a hotel outside of downtown London, where everyone I cared about lived.
I arrive at a nice hotel, not too shitty but not too fancy either. Booking a room for a few nights, I make my way towards my designated room, the staff looking at my arms oddly as I did.
I immediately fall on the bed and let my body relax for a bit. To make myself useful, I then decide to maybe unpack a bit. The first thing I see as I unzip the bag is a framed picture of Brian and I that I had taken when we were in high school. 'Why did I bring this?'
I immediately begin to cry again but this time with less tears. I guess I had ran out of tears to cry. Holding it up to my heart I could almost feel the love that was once there still thriving inside only in the past memory.
I then continue to unpack my clothes and other utensils such as my toothbrush and hair stuff. 'Maybe a shower would be nice...'
After I unpacked, I head to the bathroom to take a long hot shower. As the water rehydrates the blood, it begins to drizzle down my body to the bottom of the tub where it washes away down the drain. As much as I'd like to say my pain washed down with it, I can't because inside my heart was still cracking and at every beat, the crack grew deeper.
I couldn't tell wether some of the water droplets were water or tears. But all I knew was that I was crying...hard. I was in need of deep comfort and a man to be with me...particularly Brian. God I missed him. I bet he's with some other girl right now. I hope they're happy together.
I cried even more at the thought of another girl being with him. I felt the need to...cut more. "No... you...you promised him.. you..." I try to tell myself as I remember the promise I had made to Brian years ago. 'Screw it...'