Ideal Type|BTSxBTS

Everything Is Different Now

*warning, self harm*
(Just in case anyone is confused this chapter is the continuation of Old Habits Die Hard)

Slowly, Yoongi rolled onto his back and rubbed at the sleep in his eyes. A dull ache was starting behind them, building up a pressure until his brows knitted together from the strain. He groaned and reached out to the side of the bed. Feeling around the cold sheets for a familiar warmth that should've been there, but wasn't.

"Hoseok?" Yoongi sat up on shaky arms, blinking slowly as the throbbing behind his eyes worsened.

Nobody answered, leaving the room in heavy silence. Yoongi threw off the sheets and his heart raced when he saw the fresh cuts littering his bare thighs. The memories from the night were blurry, nothing but fuzzy images and muffled voices, but Yoongi still panicked at the thought of Hoseok seeing the cuts. He'd realize how weak he was, know that he was a failure, and wasn't the strong person he needed.

Tears gathered in Yoongi's eyes and he wiped angrily at them as he stared down at his thighs. The pale skin had never been clean, had always been scattered with faded scars, but he was used to seeing those. Not the angry red cuts staring back at him, taunting him, mocking him. Showing him how pathetic he was, how selfish he was, when his boyfriends were probably hurting even more.

Yoongi grabbed at his hair, holding tight fistfuls as he pressed his forehead against his knees. He pulled harder on the strands, harder and harder but the pain just wasn't enough to ignore the words in his head. Pulling open the drawer of his nightstand he rummaged through its contents before his fingers grazed sharp metal. The blade had cut his fingertips and he glared at the tiny beads of blood, it still wasn't enough. His hands were shaking yet he pressed the blade against his wrist and dragged it slowly across the skin. Blood beaded up to the surface, nearly black, and trailed down his arm. It still wasn't enough, and he repeated the process again and again and again. Until his once pale skin was now dripping with blood and staining the bedsheets beneath him.

A knock came on the door and before Yoongi could yell at the person to go away, Hoseok let himself in. They locked eyes and Yoongi watched Hoseok's gaze travel down his body only to settle on his bloody arm.

"Hoseok," Yoongi whispered.

Hoseok locked their eyes again and Yoongi's stomach dropped at the cold sight of his boyfriend.

"Hoseok please I-"

"You what Yoongi?" Hoseok moved forward, coming to the side of the bed to lean over his boyfriend. "You just hate me so much that you had to cut yourself?"

"What?" Yoongi scooted towards the opposite side of the bed, leaving behind drops of blood. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Hoseok scoffed and ran his hand through his hair. "Ohhh so you were so fucking drunk you don't remember? Or are you just doing this for attention?"

It was obvious to Yoongi when he woke up that he had been drinking, he remembered that much, but the events after that were nothing but a painful blur.

"I'm not...hobi I'm sorry I don't...I don't know what you're talking about."

"Great-" Hoseok stepped away to sit at the foot of the bed, his back facing Yoongi-"how fucking convenient for you."

Yoongi wanted to ask what Hoseok meant, wanted desperately for his boyfriend to elaborate, but the air was beginning to sting his cuts and the blood hadn't stopped. He searched the ground and bed for something to stop the bleeding, but there was nothing except clothing; so he pressed his free hand to the mutilated skin.

"Hobi I'm sorry but can you please get me a towel...I'm really sorry." Tears gathered again in Yoongi's eyes and this time he let them fall.

Before Hoseok had a chance to respond, Namjoon suddenly stuck his head through the doorway. His eyes widened and immediately he was rushing to Yoongi's side while Hoseok stood up in silence.

"Oh my god..oh my god...Yoongi what happened?" Namjoon asked as he took in the horrific scene. "Are you okay? Hoseok quick get a towel or something."

"No."

Namjoon choked on his words, turned towards Hoseok, and more tears cascaded down Yoongi's flushed cheeks.

"What? What do you mean no? Hoseok he's your boyfriend," Namjoon said, his voice dropping an octave.

Hoseok's eyes hardened and he crossed his arms over his chest. The atmosphere was tense, thick enough to cut with a knife, or a razor blade; and Yoongi couldn't take it. He dragged himself out of the bed, bringing Namjoon and Hoseok's focus onto him, and stumbled into the bathroom.

"Yoongi?" Namjoon called after him and a hand grabbed at the knob.

Except Yoongi had locked it already and was now sliding down the door with heavy sobs wracking his body. He pressed his bloodied arm against his heaving chest and held himself. The blood was soaking through his T-shirt, his arm was throbbing, his head was swimming, and his closest friends were screaming.

Everything was crashing down.

Yoongi slammed the back of his head into the door.

Everything was different now.

Hoseok yelled at Yoongi through the door, telling him to go fuck himself.

He had ruined everything yet he doesn't understand how, doesn't remember.

Namjoon yelled back, telling Yoongi to open the door, telling him he wasn't safe by himself.

But he does understand, he was drunk, they obviously got into a fight, and now he's paying for it.

Hoseok was crying, Yoongi could hear the wobble in his voice. He never cries, but he was crying over Jimin.

Something cool was in Yoongi's fingers and he looked down to see the blade, somehow still with him. He missed Jimin, he missed them all. Everything was different now.

A door slammed, Hoseok had left, and now Namjoon was begging to be let in. Begging for Yoongi to unlock the door, to not hurt himself.

"Please Yoongi, you still have me, you still have Hoseok...he's just upset."

With his bloody hand Yoongi gripped the blade and pressed it against the clean skin of his other wrist.

"No-" tears seared trails down Yoongi's cheeks, burned his eyes, and stained his clothes-"no...it's all ruined...everything is ruined."

———
Thank you to everyone that has encouraged me to update this story and thank you for still reading this story!

Let me know if you guys have any questions about this story or any suggestions, I love hearing your ideas. Love you guys!