“Paisley, can you keep out of the puddles please?” Cheryl asks Paisley as we walk along the long path leading up to the school building which Paisleys nursery is in. Of course today of all days the car would decide to break down making us all have to walk. Cheryl said her driver would pick us up but we didn't have time for that, it would be quicker to just walk. It’s a dark winter morning and bitter cold. Light spits of rain dash from the sky. I’m just praying that it isn’t going to get heavier, that’s all we need today. At least Paisley has on her new pink raincoat. She’s only just gave up on pulling her hood down after a ridiculous amounts of being told to keep it up to shield her hair from the rain.
“Pai, listen to your mam!” I tell her as she takes a small deliberate step in the shallow puddle. She has both her freezing hands in mine and Cheryl’s and she’s got a permanent scowl plastered on her face. She’s been like this since she woke up. She’s barely raised a smile. She’s been in a right mood so I’m glad I’m going to have a break from her today, I know that sounds bad but all mums need a break. She grunts at me and carries on walking. “You better snap out of that mood!” Again she grunts at me and as she goes to take another step in a puddle Cheryl swoops her into the air and sits her on her side despite her fight to be put down.
“If you can’t walk like a big girl, I’ll just have to carry you”
“Be down” Paisley whines and she points to the wet ground but Cheryl hitches her up and carries on walking ignoring her complaints. “Mammy!”
“Right, listen to us” Cheryl says gently but Paisley is planning on doing anything but that.. She hides her face in the crook of Cheryl’s neck and shuffles around on her arm.
“I’m tired, I want to go home” She tells us and Cheryl rubs her back.
“Can you listen to us for a second?”
“I’m listening” Paisley huffs and she settles down and reluctantly starts to listen to what Cheryl’s about to say. Of course I know what’s coming. I’ve been listening to her stressing all morning. Not only is it Paisley’s first day back at her nursery but it’s the day her Psychologist comes and assess her. This first observation is in her school setting, she’ll just been hovering around watching her as she’s in class and then sometime next week she will be doing the same but in our home. Cheryl’s still not happy about it, that’s quite an understatement if I’m honest. She woke up this morning in her own funny little mood, she’s been stressed and she’s still refusing to believe that this is for the best. She’s came to the conclusion that there’s nothing she can say or do to stop this from happening but she’s still trying to get her own way.
“Do you remember what I said to you this morning about you being a good girl? I still need you to be on your best behaviour for us, right?”
“Cheryl-“I look at her but she ignores me. She knows what I’m thinking. Cheryl wants Paisley to be on her best behaviour to make a good impression but I just want this lady to see what it’s really like on a day to day basis, if we put on a show it isn’t going to help anyone. She’s even kitted her out with a brand new uniform which is ridiculous to me. You would think that Dr martens on her feet are the ones she normally wears but they are new too after she realised her old ones were just a tad too small.
“This lady is going to be watching how good you are, if you’re good I’ll bring you some sweeties from the shop when I pick you up. So will you be good for us?”
“I’ll try”
“Good girl” Cheryl kisses her forehead and I just shake my head failing to even attempt to intervene. I’ve been trying to all morning and it’s done no good. Paisley stays quiet and as we approach the parents stood on the playground I feel the atmosphere change. I’m suddenly too aware of their presences’. They all look at us and I know what they are thinking. I know why they are looking, it’s a different look they are giving us compared to the ones they normally do when they are having a good look at Cheryl. They are all stood there silently judging us as a family as they are huddled under their thick coats protecting them from the bad weather. Paisley puts her am over Cheryl’s shoulder so she’s looking the other way. I don’t know if its because she’s just tired or if she’s also uncomfortable under these strangers’ stares.
