Alaina’s body has been found, today of all days. Her body cold and lifeless curled into a ball on the uncarpeted floor of a local crack den not that far from Newcastle’s city centre. Such a waste of a life. She was found this morning but some anonymous teen, her last needle still in her bruised arm. The bruises looked as harsh as ever, dark purple swirled with and angry red. Well that’s what I’ve been told. A tearful Joan has just filled me in, she had no choice but to. Cheryl’s gone god knows where but I’ve promised everyone I’ll wait for her to get back, she needs her space at a time like this.
My eyes are dry just like my throat. I’ve been stunned into shock, I can barely move. My heart as adapted a rhythm of its own, I can’t even begin to imagine how Cheryl’s feeling. I don’t want to know, not unless I can help her in any sort of way and as sad as it is I know I cant. Unless I can bring her best friend back nothing I can do or say will make any of this better. I just wish I knew where she was for my own peace of mind. When she came out of the room Joan had summoned her too she just stood in front of me like an animal caught in headlights, an emotionless look on her face. Her eyes were blank, I couldn’t connect the dots. Once I asked what had happened she broke down, she was an emotional wreck. She ran past me and out the door before I could even think about running after her. Alaina was Cheryl’s best friend, my daughter called her aunty, she was practically family to my future in laws and now she’s nothing but a statistic. She’s just another life that heroin has claimed.
My family caught on, it would have been odd if they hadn’t considering Joan breaking down just like Cheryl had done out of sight of our guests. Sally has taken all the kids, Amy’s went home with her too along with Joe and our new puppy. Joans now sat beside me on the sofa with her head in both her hands; I put an arm around her and pull her into my side. “Shh, it’s okay” I tell her and she sniffles and pulls away from me enough so she’s looking directly at me through her flooded eyes.
“She was like me daughter, I can’t believe she’s gone” I again hush her and hug her tighter then I was. In the back of my head there’s a nag telling me to go out and look for Cheryl. If Joans in a state like this I dread to think what Cheryl is like. “This is all my fault” I just about make out what she murmurs and I hold her at arm’s length. I see Garry stood at the door over her shoulder and he sinks back into the kitchen. He’s became unusually quiet, I know he’s refusing to let himself cry in front of us but this really has had a crazy effect on the whole house, even the dogs have sensed the mood change and have crept upstairs to keep out the way.
“How is any of this your fault? That’s just silly-“
“If I had done something she might still be here”
“You did do something, you all did. You tried to help her but some people you just can’t help and … well she was one of them. Has she any family?”
“We’re the only family she had and I let her down. We all did”
*
I can’t even remember jumping in Joe’s car and speeding off to find Cheryl but once it became dark my concerns grew and I couldn’t just sit around helplessly waiting or her. Anything could or could have happened to her and if it did I would never have been able to forgive myself. Its pitch black, if it wasn’t for the street lamps I doubt I’d be able to see anything. I’m at the beach, its abandoned and quite creepy at this time of night. Still no sign of Cheryl, I don’t know what made me think she would be here anyways. I just don’t know where else to try, every time I try and think of where she could be this place just keeps sticking in my mind and so far there’s no signs of her even being here.
I continue to walk; I’ll just walk a bit further before I turn back. By any luck she might have went home but Joan hasn’t rang me like she said she would. I can’t help but think about how different this place is tonight, it’s almost unrecognisable. The whiff of mouth-watering chips from the little fish and chip shops dotted on the pier has been replaced by salt water swirling with hot fumes. The laughter of children and families and the sound of seagulls begging for food have been replaced by the wind howling that’s almost knocking me flying and the crashing of the dirty sea as it comes into harsh contact with large rocks. This is like a different place to where my family would spend half the summer, Paisley loved it here. Chery did too, this was where she brought be on a little romantic night out to look up at the stars with our toddler in tow.
