Chapter 113- Groceries (Angel And Dave)
A/N
Tina: Here you go Unicorn, a nice, hot, cup of coffee.
Unicorn: Oh thank you.
Unicorn: Why does it feel so cold?
Tina: A nice cup of coffee.
Unicorn: *drinks some*
Unicorn: No offense, but it tastes awful!
Tina: A cup of coffee.
Unicorn: Is this even coffee?
Tina: A cup.
Unicorn: This is a mug-
Tina: Just drink it.
Angel's P.O.V.
I was panicking. I'll be honest, I'm still panicking! Today's Sal birthday party, and I don't want to mess it up! It has to be perfect! Well, almost perfect. Where is Dave with the groceries! I gave him the list like seven hours ago. Oh no! I bet he forgot to go to grab the list I gave him! Or even words, he forgot to even go to the grocery store! I swear if I text him and he isn't f**king at the grocery's store, I'm gonna whoop his a-......butt. I whip out my cellphone.
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GAMER: Sup dork.
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Sup nerd.
GAMER: Can I ask you an important question?
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Sure.
GAMER: WHERE ARE YOU WITH THE GROCERIES!?
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Relax, I'm looking for them right now.
GAMER: WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG, SAL'S PARTY IS IN FOUR HOURS AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE INGREDIENTS TO MAKE THE CAKE!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Well, if you thought I was taking too long, why didn't you just go out and buy the ingredients yourself so you could get started on the cake?
GAMER: .....
GAMER: STOP USING YOUR BRAIN AND ACTUALLY THINKING OF SMART IDEAS THAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Oh yeah, all of us are supposed to be brain dead idiots in this book. I forgot.
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Anyways, I have a question about your list of groceries, they are really confusing.
GAMER: WHAT! THEY'RE CONFUSING!?
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: I mean yeah, how do you expect me to find Ruolf, Sgge, Rettub, Rugas, Redwop Gnikab, Tcartxe Allinav, And Ydnarb?
GAMER: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I TOLD YOU TO GET FLOUR, EGGS, BUTTER, SUGAR, BAKING POWDER, VANILLA EXTRACT, AND BRANDY, NOT WHATEVER THE HECK YOU JUST TYPED!
GAMER: Wait.
GAMER: DAVE YOU IDIOT YOU READ THE LIST BACKWARDS!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: I did?
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: .....
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Oh hey I did!
GAMER: DAVE! HOW DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO DO THAT!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Hey, remember when I said about how everyone is supposed to be brain dead idiots in this book. Well that applies right now.
GAMER: DAVE I WILL END YOU!
GAMER: I REALLY WANT SAL TO HAVE A GOOD BIRTHDAY, AND YOU BETTER NOT RUIN THAT!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Okay, here's the good news, I now know what I need to get.
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Now let me hit you with some bad news, I have zero clue as to where these things are.
GAMER: HAVE YOU HEVER BEEN TO A GROCERY STORE BEFORE!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: I've been to the grocery store plenty of times, the only thing is, whenever I go to the grocery store I only buy matches.
GAMER: What? Why do you buy matches?
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: ......
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: As an American citizen, I have the free will and right to not answer that question.
GAMER: Whatever, here, I'll just tell you where the stuff is.
GAMER: The flour is in the wheat aisle.
GAMER: The eggs are in the dairy aisle.
GAMER: The butter is in the dairy aisle.
GAMER: The sugar is in the baking aisle
GAMER: The baking powder is in the baking aisle.
GAMER: The vanilla extract is in the baking aisle
GAMER: And finally the brandy is in the alcohol section (i don't think an alcohol section exists)
GAMER: There, you got that all down?
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Yep, I got it all down.
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: The flour is in the taehw aisle, the eggs and butter are in the yriad aisle, the sugar and baking powder and vanilla extract can be seen in the gnikab aisle, and the brandy is in the lohocla section.
GAMER: DAVE!!!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Jeez, Relax. I was just joking. I know the sections now, I'll get the ingredients and bring to you house as fast as I can. Thanks.
GAMER: okay good! Please hurry!
InsertRandomAsF**kTextingName: Don't worry, I will.
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Okay Okay! This I good! Dave knows where he's going! And considering how fast Dave can be when he actually gives a crap, he should be here in like an hour. That gives me three hours to make the cake. That should be plenty of time! This is gonna be the best birthday party Sal's every had!
Dave's P.O.V.
Well f**k, it's my P.O.V. I already know what that means. Well, if I just quickly get all the items, check them out, then I should be fine and Deliah can't catch me. I grab the flour and put it in my shopping cart. I'm not gonna bother to mention how Deliah isn't even anywhere near me right now and that it's impossible for her to tattle on me because that girl would bend space and time just to tell on me. I look in my basket. Good. I got all the items except the brandy. That should be pretty darn quick, the alcohol aisle is right there. I quickly make it there. Okay. Now all I need to do is pick up the bottle, put it into my cart, check all this stuff out, and leave to Angel's house. Simple as that. I pick up the brandy bottle.
"MOM! DAVE'S BUYING BRANDY AND HE'S UNDERAGE!" Deliah yells. You've gotta be sh*tting me. Okay, just put it in and run Dave. I quickly put the bottle in the cart and attempt to move. I try to move the cart, but it doesn't budge. Come on! Really!? Mom didn't hear Deliah yet, Now is not the time to be stuck basket! I look at the wheels. Oh great, there's glue underneath them. Cuz why the f**k not. This is just the cherry on top to life's middle finger.
"HE WHAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!" My mom yells. I hear her begin to stomp down the aisle. Oh mother fu-
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