Dormies |E.C|

|11 - Pretending|

|Harper|

The next day I was mostly numb. I was trying my very best to pretend like the night before never happened, and I was succeeding.

I'd just gotten out of a lecture and I was walking around campus like I usually did, just a little more cautiously. God forbid I ran into Jason... I saw Ronnie standing by one of our halls and I tried to go the other way, but she spotted me.

"Harper! Wait up!" I turned around and she was jogging up to me, "Hey. Where'd you go last night?"

"I got sick so I dipped," I lied, "Sorry I didn't say anything."

"Oh. I was hella worried."

"No need, I'm fine," Pretending to be at least.

"Good. I gotta get to class. Catch you later!" she said as she walked backward.

"See ya!" The girl ran off and I sighed in relief. I clutched my bookbag straps and walked to the library. I went straight to the back table when I got in there. Ethan wasn't studying with me; I hadn't even told him I'd be there. His first class was before mine, so he'd left out earlier that morning. I was glad I hadn't faced him yet.

I took out a book I'd been assigned to read and flipped to the page I had bookmarked. Reading took my mind off of things for a while and that's just what I needed. I ended up finishing the book and I sighed as I put it back in my bag.

When I left the library and started heading to my car, I saw the devil himself and my breath hitched. Jason was walking and talking with Pozzi and they saw me. Why was I running into everyone?

"Hey, Harper," Pozzi smiled. Pozzi was my friend. He was one of the nicest people I knew. He'd never do something like Jason had. My smile back was genuine.

"Yeah, what's up?" Jason smirked and I shifted uncomfortably toward Pozzi. Jason wasn't my fucking friend. He was fucked up and fake. He didn't give a crap about anyone but himself, not even his 'friends.' I didn't smile back.

I looked at Pozzi only, "Hey..."

"Where's Ekat?" he asked.

"In class but he should be out soon. I'm about to head out," I desperately wanted to just get to my car and leave. I couldn't be around Jason.

"Tell him we said hey, alright?"

I pursed my lips and nodded, "Okay. See you." The two walked off and I let out a shaky breath. I was still numb, but actually seeing him brought the emotions out for a minute. I took a deep breath, walked to my car, and made my way home.

_

We didn't have very many books in the apartment that Ethan and I hadn't already read a billion times, so I found something else to occupy me. Sitting on the couch and eating snacks was keeping my mind at ease.

Ethan strolled through the door and dropped his bag off to the side, "Hey, baby. How was your day?" Shit, I still wasn't ready to see him.

"Hey. It was pretty boring. I finished that book for Professor Rogers' class," I said, keeping my head down.

He could sense when something about me was off and knowing that made me nervous, which is mostly why I hadn't wanted to face him yet. I would have to step my fake happy game up because if I didn't, I'd have to make something up to explain why I was acting weird. I didn't wanna have to lie to him when I could just pretend that I was fine. But pretending was kinda like lying too, wasn't it?

"The entire book?" he asked, sounding astonished. I hummed in response. "Wow, I haven't even read the cover page yet."

"Better get on that, partner," I said as my normal self would. Okay, it wasn't that hard so far. At least I wasn't stuttering.

"I will," He came over to me and I finally looked up at him. He smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. I tensed up a bit. "You ok?"

"Um, yeah. Just stressing over Rogers' class," I made up quickly. It wasn't a complete lie. I'd finished the book but the next step was to write a paper about it. I hated writing papers.

"Baby, it's fine. You're already a step ahead of most of us in that class," he said and lifted my head by my chin gently, "You need something relaxing. I'm about to take a shower. Wanna join me?"

I shook my head, "No, it's okay. I showered already." My skin was probably still sensitive and red from the night before, under my sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants. "But can you watch a movie with me when you get out?"

He nodded, "Of course. In here or in the room?"

"The room. I'll get it set up while you're in the shower," I said and stood up. He nodded and wrapped his arms around me. I was tense at first but I softened and buried my head in his chest. It was just Ethan; he wouldn't hurt me. I was just traumatized...

He pulled away, "I won't take long." I nodded and he jogged off. I stood in the living room until I heard the shower start and then I went to our room. I changed into a T-shirt and another pair of sweatpants and set up Netflix on the TV. I found a movie that looked interesting enough and paused it at the beginning.

When the shower cut off, I was already comfortable in the bed. Ethan came into the room with damp hair and was in sweats as well. He tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper and got next to me in bed.

"What're we watching?" he asked and wrapped his arm around me. I was getting used to him doing that already. Pretending was getting easier and easier.

"I don't even know, it just looked good," I replied and pressed play.

_

"This movie is ass," Ethan deadpanned. Was it? I mean, I was kinda into it.

"I like it," I shrugged.

"I know what you'd like more..." he said close to my ear. He started nibbling at my earlobe and slid only his fingertips into my sweatpants. My anxiety took over and I jumped away, panting a bit. All I could think about was Jason. What he'd done to me. In that small moment, I couldn't pretend. Ethan moved back with a worried look on his face, "Baby, what's wrong?"

I had to lie, "Uh, my period." It was a shitty lie but I didn't have anything else.

"Already? It's only been like two weeks..."

"I know but I feel it coming. I'm a little crampy."

He propped himself up on his elbow, "You need medicine? Or chocolate or something?"

I smiled. Genuinely. He was always so sweet to me, but there I was lying to him. I felt fucking terrible.

"No, it's fine. Can you just lay with me please?"

"Of course," Ethan laid back down and I put my head on his chest, "I love you."

"I love you too," I snuggled into him more. The moment I heard him snoring, I got lost in thoughts and broke all over again. I cried quietly until I fell asleep too. Fuck, I was all over the place...

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