Dormies |E.C|

|15 - Drowning (1)|

*trigger warning*

|Harper|

The stranger and I groaned on the ground. He had fallen on top of me and I could barely breathe.

"You're squishing me!" I struggled to say and tried to move him. His hood was over his face and he moved it off before lifting his head.

Shit.

Fuck.

No.

"Ethan?"

His eyes widened and he lifted off of me, "Shit, sorry." He helped me up and I brushed my clothes off. His expression turned to that of utter annoyance, "Why did you just jump out like that?"

"Why were you skating so close?" I fired back. I noticed that all of my books and supplies were spread out on the pavement, "Great."

I started picking my stuff up and surprisingly, Ethan helped me. Was it out of pity, or was he actually being nice to me? Either way, my heart was racing.

"Thanks..." I said quietly. He nodded and handed the stuff to me. He grabbed his board by one of its trucks and fixed his hoodie. I couldn't help but notice the frown still fixed on his face. He stayed quiet and brushed past me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to tell him, right then. I couldn't handle him being mad at me and having random females all over him at parties. Just seeing him at all shattered the already broken pieces of my heart. If I didn't fix things I didn't know what I'd do.

"Ethan, wait!" I called out and he turned to face me. I'd never felt sicker in my life. I took a deep breath and was gonna let everything out right there in the middle of the walkway. Just as words were about to leave my lips, I saw Jason and Ronnie walking our way. I froze and my stomach turned. Fuck.

There went my confidence and opportunity to tell him...

"C-can I come by and get the rest of my clothes and stuff?" was what I rushed out instead.

He pursed his lips, "Uh, yeah... I'm not gonna be home until late. You can stop by while I'm gone. You still have a key, right?"

I nodded my head and looked down at my feet. I immediately took off in the opposite direction to avoid bawling my eyes out in front of him. I couldn't go to my last class, it was too much. I went to my car instead and cried with my head pressed to the steering wheel. Everything was so fucked.

_

After a long depression nap, I finally got out of bed. It was around 9:15 pm and I cursed myself for sleeping that long. I'd have to hurry up and get my shit from Ethan's before he got home. It felt weird calling it his place. It was our place, but y'know...

I grabbed my duffle and keys before leaving Alyssa's. It didn't take long to get to the apartment. I walked down the hall I hadn't been in for almost two weeks and unlocked the door. I let out a shaky breath before shutting it behind me. It was dark so I turned on the lamp by the loveseat.

Everything looked exactly the same. I sighed deeply; I didn't think I'd get so fucking sad over being there again. I never thought I'd ever get that depressed in general, but I was. I may not have admitted that to anyone or to myself, but I was definitely depressed.

I carried my bag into the bedroom and flicked the light on. I was already emotional and it worsened when I saw our room. It was the last place we were still together in, and where my heart got broken.

The bed was sloppily made because Ethan never cared enough to do it right, and the clothes hamper was only halfway full because my clothes weren't occupying the rest of the space. The small mirror that was on the wall near our- the bed was cracked. Wonder how that happened.

I remembered what I was there to do and shook off my thoughts about the room. I opened the drawer that had my stuff in it and put my clothes into the bag reluctantly. I wanted to be putting stuff back into the drawer.

I kept gathering my things and the tears started to flow again when I came across the last shirt Ethan had made for me. I held back a sob. Why was everything so messed up? What had I done to deserve any of it? I got all of my clothes in the bag — including the Khaotic shirt — and tossed it on the bed.

Since I rushed out of the apartment so quickly the last time, there were things I'd left behind in the bathroom too. I hoped he hadn't thrown it all away. I flicked the bathroom light on and stepped in front of the mirror.

My eyes were red, making the deep red circles underneath them (from my lack of sleep) more prominent. My bun was lopsided and frizzy, and my cheeks were tear-stained. Seeing how much of a wreck I was made the real sobbing begin. The person in the reflection wasn't me; it was a shell of my former self.

I got sexually assaulted, lied on, dumped by my boyfriend, and was basically failing all of my classes. I felt fucking worthless. What was the fucking point of trying anymore? Why would it matter if I just disappeared? My body was shaking from how hard I was crying.

I opened the medicine cabinet and rummaged through its contents. I found a bottle of some sort of sleeping pills and stared at it, thinking.

I shut the bathroom door, making sure to lock it. I opened the bottle and popped a pill into my mouth, washing it down with water from the tap. Memories of Jason forcing himself on me, and Ethan breaking up with me manifested once again. I wanted my thoughts to stop. I wanted to sleep.

I popped another pill into my mouth. Then another, and another. Pretty soon after, the bottle was emptier than I felt. I shut the light off and sank into the corner next to the toilet. My sobs echoed through the small room and I clutched the pill bottle in my hand. About 15 minutes passed and I already felt myself getting drowsy.

I accepted the fact that I'd probably die that night. And the worst part about it? I no longer cared if I did.

Then I heard the front door open.

_