The Falling virgin

f o u r: You can just say 'fuck me'

I had been laying on my bed for what felt like days even though it was just ten minutes. My eyes were closed and I felt the urge to throw stuff, a big urge.

I heard my door open, causing me to sit up and open my eyes. Only to see Hamilton standing in my doorway.

"Can I come in?" He asked and I shook my head. "Go away." I fell back onto my bed and turned on my stomach. "Hey, you okay?"

"D- Did you really have to mention the fact that I never smile because he isn't here anymore?" I mumbled into the pillow. I felt him sit down on my bed. I turned my head to face him, a tear rolling on my pillow.

"I don't like smiling, okay?" I said and he cocked an eyebrow. "I know you don't, that's what Ben says all the time. Alli doesn't smile anymore ever since he got diagnosed. Alli, I met him that day."

I took a shaky breath, sitting up again and leaning my back against my wall. "Sorry."

He shook his head, smiling. "You're... different. I noticed."

I groaned and hit him with a pillow. He yanked the pillow out of my hand. "What?"

"Lucas said that too." I said and he cocked an eyebrow. "Are you guys together?"

"Have you ever had a proper relationship?" I asked, avoiding the whole dating thing and he nodded. "Yeah, I have. Riley was my girlfriend in my freshman year. We dated for ten months, I broke it off and lost my virginity to her best friend." I scoffed at the last part. "Forgot the playboy part for a minute."

He rolled his brown eyes at me. "Don't call me such things." I sighed. "Sure."

My door opened and my mom entered my room. "I thought you kids would be sleeping." She scanned me. "Have you been crying sweetie?"

"Sweetie is a good one too." Connor smirked. "Sleep tight, baby doll." I rolled my eyes at his nickname. My mom frowned. "Who calls their girlfriends baby doll?"

I gasped. "I'm not his girlfriend."

"Right. So have you been crying?" She asked and I nodded. "I just miss him."

"I do too." She said and gave me a hug. "I love you."

I gave her a soft smile before she left the room.

***

I woke up because of the light that suddenly hit my face because someone opened my curtains. I groaned as I rubbed my eyes. "Wakey, wakey baby." Connor said as he nudged my ribs. I slapped away his hands.

"Is Ben back?" I asked and he sighed. "No, I would want him to be here too."

I sat up and cocked an eyebrow. "What are you even doing here?"

"I'm giving you a ride to school, before you attack me, your brother will kill me if I don't." He said and I huffed. "Okay, now leave and let me change."

He got up and walked trough the door, but not before shouting. Alli, you have a cute snore

I rolled my eyes at that comment and got out of bed, walking to my closet. I got out a white shirt and a black, high waisted jeans. I took my favourite yellow hoodie and jogged downstairs. "Honey, Connor is waiting. Take this for breakfast." My mom handed me a bag with a cheese sandwich in it. "Thanks." I said and put on my red Converse before walking outside.

I got inside Hamilton's black Audi and he shot me a grin. "I don't wanna hear about how many girls you've had sex with or have made out with in this car."