Yuri!!! On Ice Book 1

Chapter 23

Yurio's POV 1st Person Omniscient

I sit in the shower, under the heavy torment of water for what feels like hours. Until I'm sure everyone's gone. I pull the curtain closed so no one can see me, even if they know I'm there. No one disturbs me, but I can hear their muffled voices slightly over the pounding of the water. I miss most of the conversations but I do make out "Mila...hurt...Yuri... what the hell was he thinking?" And I know it's my fault. I was the one who wasn't thinking and did my program without warning. And I, by the sound of it, was the one who hurt Mila. What the hell was I doing? 

I hear everyone leave and remain sitting under the water, letting it soak my clothes, burn my skin, and wash way the tears that never seem to end. There's no reason for my melt down, even as I sit here I'm not entirely sure why I do. I know I hurt Mila, and that led to the showers, but I don't know why I hurt Mila. "You weren't paying attention, and you did something stupid." A little voice in the back of my head says reasonably, "It wasn't your fault." 

It WAS my fault! I reply savagely to the little voice, I shouldn't have been as upset as I was, all that happened was Victor not showing up to something. That's nothing unusual, nothing to be upset about! 

"And that something was a declaration of love, it was supposed to be your sign of hope, an affirmation that you could be happy. He didn't show up and broke his word, he killed your hope for love. Not to mention that  your friend said he was in love with you. It's enough to upset anyone. You're 16 years old! You're allowed to make mistakes, this was a mistake, that's all! No one will blame you!" the little voice tells me kindly, 

Not it's not! I scream at the little voice, I am Yuri Plisetsky! I am a soldier! I don't get upset! I don't make mistakes! And he did not say he's in love with me! I continue, He was just playing a part, and even when he was playing that part he didn't say he loved me!  

"But you wanted him to," the voice tells me, "You wanted it to be real, to be loved in real life. You wanted, and still want, what Victor and Yuri have, what the proposal was a promise of, "

Shut up! I scream, and curl into a ball, the little voice shuts up. 

I stay there until the water turns cold, and remain for while even then. Eventually I get up, and get out of the shower. I shiver slightly as I turn off the water. I walk out of the bathroom and into the locker room, it's empty and dark. I look through my bag and find my skates sitting neatly inside of it even though I could have sworn I left them out on the floor. I check the rest of my possessions and pick up my coat. I don't put it on. I walk out into the night and begin the short walk back to my apartment, praying that Otabek has already gone to bed. Oh god, Otabek. How will I face him? How will I face anyone? What if I can't skate under Yakov anymore, what if I have to move rinks? What if I hurt someone on the ice again. My head whirls with these thoughts, so much so, I almost miss my apartment building. I trudge up the stairs and quietly unlock the door. I open it a crack, looking into the darkened living room. Otabek's not there, and his door's open too. He must not be home yet. I walk inside, making sure he won't appear out of the darkness. He doesn't. I set my skate bag down and lock the door behind me. 

Meow

I jump a foot in the air when I hear the noise. I look around frantically and see a pair of glowing yellow eyes staring at me from the kitchen doorway. "Oh," I sigh, relieved, "Potya, it's just you." 

Meow!

I look at the clock, 8:32, "Okay, I'm sorry, I know I'm late." I say and make my way into the kitchen to take out her food. After giving her her serving of weird gray fish stuff and dry food I go to fill up her water. That's when I see it, a note. It's hanging from the wall behind the sink, it reads,