Yuri!!! On Ice Book 1

Chapter 42

**Author's Note!**

400 Reads!!!!!!!!! I love you all so much! Thank you so much for getting me here, it means the world to me! I never thought I'd get 30 reads and now I have over 13 times that! I love you to the moon and back, so keep being your amazing selves! I really hope you like this chapter, you have no idea how much pleasure I get from reading your comments and seeing your reactions to things! Keep doing what you're doing! Enjoy!

December 19th, 2017- Two Weeks Later-

Yuuri's POV 1st Person

Over the past few weeks, Victor's honored his decision never to skate again, in fact, he's gone above and beyond it, cutting it out of his life completely. I didn't think this was possible, it wouldn't be possible for me, but somehow he's done it. No aspect of figure skating exists to him anymore, no medals (he took them all down and I saved them from the trash) no practice, (as a competitor or as a coach) and no competitions. These new adjustments in his life make things difficult, especially that last one, as, today, I leave for the Grand Prix Final. I leave for the Grand Prix Final. Yakov, Yurio, Otabek, and Mila are coming as well, all of us having qualified for the competition. Yakov will definitely have his work cut out for him, managing 4 skaters, three of whom are rivals. It'll be okay though, I know it. I'm no threat and, as good as Otabek is, he's no match for Yurio, easily the best skater in the event.

I do a final check of my things and, satisfied I have all I need, zip my suitcase and head downstairs. Victor sits on the couch, not having left the house since the fiasco at the Rostelecom Cup, to which Yurio apologized profusely. I accepted it on Victor's behalf, saying, truthfully, that there's no reason to feel guilty as he's done nothing to invite blame. I think Victor feels the same way, but as the topic of skating seems permanently closed off, I can't say for certain.

That's something else I find worrying, with so much of my life off-limits to him, how will our relationship work? It's not working as it is, and with these new blockades, I don't know how it ever will. That said, I have no intention of ending it, far from it. I want to remain with Victor as long as he'll let me, preferably for the rest of both our lives, but in light of recent events, I'm not sure how realistic that notion is becoming, and I'm not one to be quixotic. If anything that's why we work so well together- Victor the extravagant idealist and me, the grounded rule follower. Many would say we're polar opposites but I don't think that's true, although there's no denying that we're very different people. We love each and that's all that matters, love is the stabilizing force that exceeds all our individual, and mutual, insanity. I just hope that that love is enough to sustain us, every passing day making that more difficult to believe.

I set down my suitcase in the hall and walk into the kitchen, grabbing a few last-minute things to pack before the taxi gets here. "What's this?" A voice asks from behind me and I jump slightly, not having known Victor had followed me in here.

"I'm going to the-" I stop, flinching around this delicate subject, "I'll be gone a few days, my flight returns on Friday," Victor's quiet for a second, almost pensive before replying.

"Yakov's going?" 

"Yes." I say, "He's got four of us under him," The tension's killing me and I try to lighten the mood, joking, "He'll have a hard time with us, three rivals plus Mila," The attempt at a smile fades from my face as I register my fiance's expression.

"Us?" He says harshly and I almost flinch, catching myself just in time. "What constitutes 'us'?"

"Competitors," I say, unsure about why he's asking me to explain this when he knows perfectly well what's going on. "Yurio, Otabek, Mila, and I."

"Why are you going?" Victor speaks with a sudden intensity, shocking me into a momentary silence before he continues, "You're competing?"

"Yes," I say, very confused now, "Of course I am,"

"But you don't have a coach." Victor says and just hearing the words come out of his mouth hurts me. "When I left, you were on your own, and you have to have a coach to compete." The way he's phrased this is startling, almost implying that he intentionally left so I couldn't compete.

"Yakov's coaching me," I say, my voice flat, "Like I said, he's got several of us.

"But he's not your coach," Victor's voice is icy and I can't figure out why he's pursuing this, "He may be coaching you but he's not your coach." 

At this point, I know full well what he's getting at, but still can't fathom his intentions. "I know that." I say through gritted teeth, "But the Grand Prix doesn't care who's my coach, as long as one is there,"

"But it's not true!" Victor says sharply, "You're lying to people by bringing him, he's not actually your coach!"

"What does that matter!" He's being so difficult, I can't help but rise to the bait, "He's as good as! He's been helping me at every practice, at every run-through!"

"I'm your coach!" Victor shouts, furious now, "I was the one who saved you last year! Me!"

"And what a great coach you were!" I retort, not thinking, "You left me! Where have you been these past few months, who have you been, because it's sure as hell not the person I fell in love with!"

"I'm right here!" He yells, "I never left you anywhere! I never abandoned you, not like you're abandoning me!" He scoffs bitterly, "You have no loyalty! Just move on the second something happens that you don't like!"

"That's not true!" I cry, angry tears filling my eyes as I scream back at him, "I'm not loyal? Then why am I still here!" I gesture around me, "Why am I having this goddamn conversation if I just bolt at the first sign of trouble! And who are you to be telling me that- you've given up!"

"How dare you!" He yells, the ferocity in his voice making me take an instinctive step back, "I lost everything! You could never understand that! Skating was my life, my world and now, because of your stupid fucking jump, it's gone!"

"So that's it," I say quietly, feeling a tear slide down my face, "You blame me." I glance out the window, gray sunlight pouring into the room, making it dreary and dark, "You're right." I look at the floor, "It was my jump that hurt your knee. It was the combination that was supposed to stand for us that ruined everything."

"So maybe that's it." He snarls, "Maybe it is us, maybe that's the problem here." I close my eyes and a rush of tears escape them, "So then maybe," Victor continues, vicious and correct in his words, "Maybe we should just end it."

I gasp in spite of myself, my heart contracting and my lungs struggling to take in air. In my hand, my phone buzzes, and without looking I know it's the taxi arriving outside. I draw in a painful breath, doing the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and open my eyes. "I have to go," I say and clench my cellphone in my grip, walking out of the kitchen even as I feel my world falling to pieces around me.

"Good." Comes the voice from behind me, and my self-control shatters. I grab my luggage and leave the house at a sprint, flying down the walk and letting the door swing open on its hinges. 

From the back of the cab, I look out the window, staring at the empty doorframe, and a part of me isn't surprised that it is. The place in my heart that used to wish that Victor would come running out and kiss me, apologizing for everything and saying he loves me- is gone. And now I know the sad truth, I know that it's never coming back.