Eternity [Poets Of The Fall] Français/English

[EN] 13 - Envy (Desire)

"- I feel so good close to you. I have the feeling of finally finding myself when I am with you. In the last ten years, I was so lost about everything, alone, closed on myself. It only took a look from you today to break all this and remove all pain, all sadness."

Jari gently stroked the blond's hands. He was so happy, finally cradled in the love and sweetness he had so often imagined. He had the feeling of having changed, of having rejuvenated for ten years, losing at the same time the horrible memories of previous years. He thought only of Olli, and, what was unusual for him, he thought of the future, of their future. While he had once banished all hope of a happy future, and had learned to be content to survive, he had recovered quicker than ever his desire to exist, his desire to love.

"- All the certainty I had forged this decade went up in smoke, and yet there is always something that has never changed, which I have never doubted. I love you Olli, more than anything in the world, and I know that if it weren't you, there would be no one else. It is with you that I want to be, today and forever."

The guitarist couldn't help but smile. These words affected him far more than anything we had told him. The sweetness in the voice of the brown, his words a little hesitant, looking for himself, who had taken immense confidence at the end of his speech, Olli could have detailed for hours. It meant so much to him. He felt so light, rid of the ten years that had weighed so much on him, and free to be himself at last.

"- Me too, Jari. I too dream of being with you for eternity, if it's long enough. You are the only one to have swept away my doubts in one look. If I live, it's thanks to you. Each of your breath makes my heart beat, if you weren't there, I would be nothing. I pretended for so long, I was convinced that the real Olli would never come back, lost in regret, pain and sorrow. Yet it only took a second to get me back. If I held all this time, it's because, despite everything, my heart beat for you. My dearest wish is that he never stops beating, and I know that in your hands he will beat forever. You are the only one in the world who has ever made me feel such things, and I never thought before I knew you that I could be so happy. Before you, I didn't know love, I didn't know happiness, I didn't even know anything about life. Your smiles have given me eternity today. I love you Jari."

The brown man felt the tears rise to his eyelids while he always clasped in his hands those of the blond. He knew that from now on, the memory of the last ten years would never haunt him again. From now on, Olli was close to him, and he knew it, he would never go away. While he could finally live, and live with his beloved, he would never have deprived himself. The guitarist felt his breathing more and more difficult. So he didn't hold back the tears that ran down his cheeks. The past decade was definitely disappearing in these tears. Never again it would come back. There was only the present moment and the future that counted, and that would count. All the trouble was over. The drummer saw the furrows shining on the cheeks of his lover, and his own tears spilled. In the same gesture, they took each other's arms, exchanging a sacred embrace in their eyes, which meant absolutely everything, sealing definitely the death of their troubled past.

After a few moments, their tears evaporated, the heat of the room pushed them to move away. The brown, touched by the look of his lover, passed a hand in his blond hair. He gently replaced a wick that ran along Olli's cheek. So many things were waiting for him now. He saw a bright future awaiting him, a future in which the guitarist would always be at his side. Jari smiled as he imagined the next few days. On tour, they wouldn't escape the eyes of their friends, and the young man knew that they would soon learn about the relationship that the two musicians had. He had to admit it, this prospect made him slightly nervous. If he didn't wanted to hide his relationship with Olli, finding himself with a man was quite new to him. Certainly, their friends would have no problem with this detail, but Jari was afraid to see one day his lover suffer from possible looks, words, even shots. He had always been deeply affected by this kind of unjust and unjustified violence, especially when Jani had paid the price for it by the past but, today, it was he and especially the guitarist who could be exposed to it. Suddenly, he envied the bass player, who, far from fearing what his perfectly long-term sexual orientation might have caused him, ignored the remarks and was constantly amused by what certain narrow minded were telling him. However, Jari loved who he was, far from him the thought of blaming himself like, unfortunately, some did. On the contrary, he was even proud of who he was and what he wanted. But a reserved man such as he would have been unable to venture without fear into the unknown. Even though the blond's presence kept him from the slightest fear of his own, he couldn't help worrying about the musician staring at him with love, sitting in front of him.