My Girlfriend Becky (GXG) -Completed-

SEVENTEEN: Couldn't Fake Happy

Sonya POV :

Delancey was right, but she was also wrong. 

I was laying on my back, staring at the ceiling above me... My gaze was lost, and my head was pounding with so many racing thoughts. The house has been emitting an odd feeling for some days; there was no smell of pancakes wafting from the kitchen, no sound of my mom's and sister's laughter at my dad's Sunday burnt scrambled eggs. There was nothing but a silence that weighed on my chest like a ticking bomb, and I was too weak to carry alone. 

Too young. 

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to go to. Of course, I'd change! This would change anybody. Yet, with Delancey not being around right now, it made it all worse. I couldn't go anywhere, I was trapped inside this capsule. I was not used to this, I didn't have a handbook to deal with any of this. Delancey, on the other hand, always knew what to do, even when she was as taken by reality as I was. She was never lonely, she chose when to be alone. 

By now, I knew that there was something going on in the house. My mom hasn't been telling me anything, and my dad was never home anymore. Tara avoided it like the plague, and I, had nothing but a stack of fictional books that I could take refuge in. 

This time; however, I had another option: The party. 

"Will she be there?" the voice echoed, almost tearfully. 

Almost. 

Because inside me, there was a lump of tears I was one thought away from dumping on my pillow and one breath away from pushing back to my chest. Yet, I chose to cry. No, I was not brave enough to deal with a pinnacle of repressed feelings. I couldn't crack, not when I had someone I wanted to see,  with a happy smile on my face... 

I couldn't fake happy. 

I stare at my mirror reflection. My eyes still looked puffy, and the pimple on my nose couldn't be muzzled by a concealer. I try to pick a dress. There was nothing to choose from. My closet looked like a depressing version of a music box, and despite switching on the lights, I couldn't stay a second more near the bleakness oozing from my clothes. Needless to say, next to me, I could hear my mom giving me one of her I told you so's. 

So I flee to my sister's closet, and I have a zombie reaction to the rainbow colors exuding from there. She knew how to dress, and she enjoyed it. My sister whose room has been empty for a week now was anywhere but by my side.

I pick a strapless green dress which I loved on her at my coming out party, and I leave. Yet, I decide to venture inside. I inspect the living room, no sign of dad. I go to the kitchen, dishes from last night's dinner were piled up on the sink, and an unfinished cheese sandwich was laying on the counter.

Finally, on my way back, I spot pieces of glass scattered on the floor. In the hallway, our family picture must have accidentally fallen from the wall. 

I reach to pick it up with my hand. 

-" Don't" she hisses. 

I turn my head in a flash. My mom was still in her bedroom robe.  

-"I broke it" 

...

-"I-" she sniffles, she wipes it. "I must have sleepwalked last night" she chuckles between silent, distant, shocking tears. 

She, too, couldn't fake happy.

____________________________________________

Becky: 

I couldn't wait for the party!