Vent Stories/Things

Nothing To Do

"Tick..Tick...Tick.."

Time was going by fast, and everything outside was already pitch black unless the lights outside were on. The beetles buzzing loudly at night while hiding in the bushes, the fan blowing inside of the room.

Alea blinked slowly a few times, her eyes staring tiredly at her screen. She was trying hard to focus but felt sleepier than usual a bit, in fact she was getting even more sleepier.

She tried to stay calm as her frustration slowly whirled around inside of her, the heat of the weather at her new house just egging her on to lay in bed and close her eyes until she drifted off more. Her time zones for her school being a little bit difficult to keep track with if she wanted to go outside more.

Not only that, motivation was starting to slip away from her grasp too. But that was no excuse for her and it made her angrier with herself. She groaned loudly in frustration and hit her head against her notebook, her long dark brown hair covering her face while she thought out loud to herself,

"This shouldn't even be hard..people have it way worse than me and I'm being a dumbass with this..I'm just so fucking tired though and I've been getting even more tired a little lately since it's annoying moving to one place after another.."

Her body became light as a feather from thinking about earlier, her shoulders slumping down along with herself while she curled up in a ball and frowned to herself, her face looking glum as she fiddled with her fingers, thinking to herself about earlier.

"Sigh...I know that this is over with but I guess it's been on my mind. I even still feel sorry for talking about so much negative shit constantly to them.."

Both of her eyes watered a little while her chest somewhat felt like it was sinking into her, hurting a bit while remembering something,

"I guess that's why I got left on my own for a few days and yelled at even if it was a dick move to do that..ugh..I would say no to that because that person was an asshole..but then again..I was too so what right do I have to push these thoughts away..."

Alea sighed again, closing her eyes and thinking while staying curled up,

"I'm guessing it's bad to think that..They're not like that at all which is why...but at the same time, it's not right of me to constantly talk about negative stuff..so they would probably go because of that..not because they're like them, I just seem to do it a lot from the thought of it now.."

Tears were starting to slowly run down her cheeks, her chest aching a bit as she curled up more and tried to keep her thoughts distant from what she was thinking of now,

"I bet there's a better girl either in person or somewhere that's similar to me and doesn't talk this much about stupid sad shit.."

But she trusts them. So she didn't want to be thinking about that, the thought of it kept biting at her though, and it was making her angry to be thinking of that when she knew it was false,

"I get that maybe I don't really have anything interesting to talk about since I don't do much in life or in person..I mean I stay inside because I have homework..I don't even have anyone to really hang out with in my family or better yet don't even have friends in person..or know any positive interesting things to talk about..But this?..This is just stupid to be sad about!.."

She whimpered out loud to herself, irritated from her stupid thoughts getting to her like that and her being upset over it,

"This is why I hate these thoughts and don't like sharing them. They all just seem stupid!.."

Alea kept herself from crying, the last thing she wanted was her mom to not leave her alone by asking what's wrong, she quickly stopped herself and made sure that it wasn't obvious that she was tearing up,

"Ugh..I just need to find something less depressing and shit..and I need to stop being so frustrated and think positively even if school is something big..I hate when people say that it's easier when there's some things that are hard..who am I to complain though.."

Groaning out of irritation while getting up, she wiped her eyes and yawned,

"I need to get the fuck up now.."