Know your secrets

Chapter Thirty Eight: Traumas, they surround me

"Audrey, I think you are overreacting" Logan shot her a cold look before proceeding to act like a complete asshole. 

The rest of us kind of stood there in an awkward silence. Unsure of whether we should say something or just let them have it.

"You complete idiots! Look at us!" He shouted waving his hands above his head. Everyone quietly observed. Every one of us in their own miserable reality.

I had a complete meltdown over my grades, my mother, losing my virginity to fucking Sawyer  and oh yeah, the fact that there are literally two insane girls who want me dead!

Audrey was on the verge of losing the cheerleading team, she had to deal with her passive aggressive boyfriend and she was fucking his best friend secretly.

Well, I don't have to explain all of it because it would take us all day, but you get the despair we were in.

" Instead of actually coming together to fucking figure shit out, all of you keep barking at each other as if we were enemies! Get a grip! " He said, once again waving his hands around in anger. "We need to stand together." He paused. 

"Please, just for once" He said emphasizing the word once.

Nicky put her arms around Lucas, who looked more broken than ever. 

"I'll call" I said in a very soft manner.  "We all will. You're right" I turned to face my sweet brother whose face was buried inside Nicky's embrace. "We got into this mess together. We will get out of this mess together." 

And so we all went back to our classes, trying to make it through the day without discussing any details of our miserable situations. Trying to go on with our day and carry out the tasks that any normal person would in their high school life. Without any signs of mistakes, misfortune, sadness or anger. We all tried to make the best of this day. Like a convict enjoying  his last meal before being executed. 

Did we always run? Did we always face the situations we created? I cannot remember what went so wrong or how or when. All I know is that I wanted to go back to that middle school girl whose biggest worry was being called "Velma".

How times changed and where they went. These past few months more has happened in my life than in a soap opera. The difference is, I had no idea if there was a happy ending for me, or just cruel reality that I would have to escape through moments of happiness.

Walking out of school I threw myself onto the seat of my sweet old car, letting out a sigh of releaf. For just one moment, I was totally alone. I had a moment to close my eyes and just forget everything. 

"Sis!" Lucas banged on our car window. "Let me in"

I shrieked, banging my hands on the steering wheel in momentary panic. I felt the tears rolling down my face before I could even think of what I was crying for. I unlocked the car and sobbed resting my face on the steering wheel. 

My brother's soft hand was travelling up and down my back. He knew me too well to say anything at this time. He knew me well enough to keep me company while a weeped away like a little kid. 

I owed myself to the world. I was not what I portrayed myself to be. And everyone that ever knew me, has always been wrong. Cause even I was.

"It has always been me and you. And I wish I was the one crying, I wish I could sheild you from everything" He said softly. "I love you, please don't be scared, I'll always keep you safe, even if that means fucking killing Fay and Stacey" He said through his teeth. I could feel his grip tighten on me. 

I slowly lifted my face to look at him, only to say the stupidest thing that came to my mind. "No, I'm not sad, I'm fine. I have stopped recognising myself, this is not me crying. This is not me"

His eyes widened. He was looking at me like I was a crazy person. 

"Lucas you know what?" He looked at me, eagerly waiting for my response, with a concerned look on his face. Normally he would just brush my shitty comments off and make a snotty remark. But he didn't.

But he didn't.

I gave him a soft smile before opening the car door. 

I ran. 

I felt free. I could think of about a thousand ways to die right now, but none to live. I was frantic. So frantic. So so so so so frantic. 

"What are you doing?" Lucas shouted at me. He was in the car driving, he had his head stuck outside the window. 

I ran faster. I could feel the tears drying on me, and my mascara was probably running down my face, leaving a black snail trail. My clothes were so light, yet they felt so heavy on me. I ran into the woods, and ran. I ran until I reached the bridge. My cries getting louder and louder.

I let out a scream, before falling on my knees and the city was unravelling before me. 

I want to die. I thought to myself before attempting to climb on the bridge.

"Are you fucking out of your mind?" I felt a tight grip lifting me off my feet. My body shaking, I let out another scream, banging the chest of whoever was holding me. My vision clouded by all the tears. 

"You're okay, you're okay, you're okay" Repeated the strange voice, holding me tighter and tighter to the point where I could not move anymore. 

I buried my face into the dark slim figure that was holding me. I didn't care about looking up, I didn't care who it was.

I felt at peace. At this moment, I did.

His breathing and mine, alligned. And slowly, my weeping stopped. 

My fists were clenched against his chest, and he was holding my hands as my face rested on his torso. I could feel his heartbeat. It was so warm, so comforting. 

The slim figure let go of my wrist, and started slowly caressing my hair. Without judgement, without words, without anything....

The smell of pine trees had disappeared, and I could no longer hear the noisy bridge. Everything had disappeared, and that's when I found the courage to look up.

"L-light?" I shrieked, immediately freeing myself from his grip. "What is wrong with you! Get away from me!" I said trying to compose myself.

"Woah,woah,woah. Calm down. I was just trying to help." He said cautiously getting closer once again. "Are you okay?" He asked. His thin lips tightened and those light blue eyes looked like the dark sky resided in them. 

"Do I look okay to you?" I said wiping away some of themascara off my face as evidence. "Why are you here anyway?" I asked, trying to shift the conversation.

"I just needed to escape from the world." He said casually. "But I'm not the one who ran over here like a maniac." He paused all concerned. "What were you going to do Heather?" He softly asked.

"N-nothing." I muttered scratching the back of my very very messy hair.

"What I just saw wasn't nothing." He put his hands on my face, wiping off any remaining tears. "You don't need to talk about it, just promise me you won't do something like that again"

"Like you care" I said. The pale sky was now starting to shift, and the slow wind was starting to get stronger, creating a grotesque setting - just what I needed!

He chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, I used to call you Velma because I had a huge crush on you." He said playfully.