Bitch For A Purpose

CHAPTER 32

CHASTENE’S POV

 

            Why do I feel like this? Nasa tapat na ako ng pinto ng kotse ni Hans at uupo nalang ako para makasakay pero para akong natuod sa kinatatayuan ko. Pag sumakay ako, para ko na ring tinalikuran si Troy—para ko na ring pinamukha sakanya na panakip butas lang siya; na porke nandito na si Hans at siya na ang humahabol sakin ay basta ko nalang siyang iiwanan na mukhang tanga.

Dahan-dahan akong tumingin sa mukha ni Hans at para naman akong natauhan. He’s now staring at me intently, anticipating what I’ll do next. Once I get in this car, that means I just confirmed to him that he is more important to me than Troy, that I still love him the way I used to before.

Hans held my arm and caressed my cheek. He wiped away the tears that are escaping from my eyes—yeah right, I didn’t notice that I am actually crying.

“Wag ka ng umiyak. Ayokong nakikita kang umiyak.” Sabi niya sa mahinang boses. Sa sobrang hina, nakakaloko lang na narinig pa yun ng puso ko at bigla siyang lumakas ng kabog.

Look at how ironic our situation is right now. Ayaw daw niya akong nakikitang umiiyak pero ilang beses niya na ba akong pinaiyak? Aware ba siya na pinaiyak niya ako? Na halos mamatay na ako nung mga panahong tinalikuran niya ako? Gusto kong ipamukha yun sakanya pero alam kong nagsisisi na siya. Gusto kong isumbat sakanya yun pero alam kong sa oras na gawin ko yun ay masasaktan siya at mas masasaktan ako dahil ayaw ko siyang nasasaktan. Be it physically or emotionally, ayaw ko dahil doble yun sa akin. Alam kong ang tanga ko dahil sa kabila ng ginawa niya sa akin ay mahal ko parin siya, pero wala eh. Kung pwede ko lang pag-aralin ang puso ko para wag maging tanga, ginawa ko na.

“Are you even aware of what you’re saying?” Mahinang sagot ko sakanya.

Niyakap niya ako bigla ng mahigpit. I can feel his pounding heart, his heavy breathing. “Gretel, ito na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko sayo ‘to. I’m sorry that I’ve been a jerk. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for making you look like a fool, for playing with your feelings. For not trusting you. Believe me when I say that I wanted to kill myself when I knew the truth. That you were right, that I was the foolish one. Gret,” Hinawakan niya ako sa balikat at tinignan ng diretso sa mga mata.

“When you walked away from me in Baguio, doon ko na-realize na hindi ko kayang mawala ka pa ulit sakin. I can never move on without you. I loved you back then, I was just blinded by the lie Tiffany made me believe... because I never trusted you and I regret that to death. And up to now, I still love you Gretel, so much that I could die. Please give me another chance, just this last chance. Please. Ipapakita at ipaparamdam ko sayo gaano kita kamahal.” Niyakap niya ako ulit ng mahigpit.

Parang may sariling utak ang mga kamay ko na yumakap din sakanya. Nasa ganoon kaming posisyon ng ilang segundo nang bumulong ako sakanya. “Let’s go.”

 

He smiled at me and guided me as I enter his car. I can feel that someone is watching us but I didn’t bother to check if I’m right. Ayokong makita kung gaano nasasaktan si Troy kung sakali man na siya ang nakatingin.

            Dinala ako ni Hans sa bahay nila sa Tagaytay. Sa loob ng halos dalawang oras din namin na biyahe, hindi kami nagsasalita. Sapat na nararamdaman ko ang presence niya.

“Naaalala mo ba ‘to?” Tanong ni Hans sakin pagkababa namin ng kotse.

I smiled. “Oo naman. Dito tayo unang nagkita.” Blessing noon ng bahay nilang ‘to at yun ang unang beses na nagkita kami. His mom and my deceased mom were best of friends pero hindi kami agad nagkakilala ni Hans dahil nanirahan sila sa America for five years.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinayaan ko naman siya. Sabay kaming pumasok sa bahay.

“Hans, look...” Simula ko. “Hindi porke sumama ako sayo ngayon, ibig sabihin ay pinipili na kita. Magulo pa Hans. Boyfriend ko si Troy at ayaw ko siyang masaktan. I’m giving you the chance you asked—well, actually, I would have given it to you even if you didn’t, but I need time.”

 

“Do you love him?” Tanong niya sa akin. Natigilan ako.

Do I really love Troy? Oo naman, mahal ko siya. Pero... diba kung mahal ko siya dapat walang pero-pero? Oo mahal ko siya, masaya ako pag kasama ko siya. He makes me feel something different. I looked at Hans. But this guy infront of me makes me feel something weird, something that no exact word could describe.

“Yes.” I said in a low voice. As I said that, I saw the pain crossing his eyes. But he smiled for Pete’s sake! How could he even smile while hurting? And I really feel bad because I caused it. “But give me time, we’ll figure things out together, okay?” I gave him an assuring smile and small nod.

I waited for him to say something but I didn’t hear a word from him. “I gave you a chance. So please give me a chance to make things right too. Let’s not be selfish, may masasaktan tayo kung magmamadali tayo.”

 

He nodded and grabbed my waist and shoulder into a hug. I hugged him back. “Whatever you say. If loving you means waiting with no assurance, I will take the risk. Hihintayin kita.” I smiled.

“I love you honeybunch.” Bigla akong natauhan. Honeybunch?

Tinulak ko siya at hinampas. “HONEYBUNCH MO MUKHA MO! Ang corny ha!” Tumatawang hinuli na naman niya ako at niyakap. “Tsansing ka ha, kanina mo pa ako niyayakap.”

“Gusto mo naman eh.” Nang-aasar na sabi niya.

“Excuse me!”

“Excuse me ka dyan. Hindi na kita bibigyan ng chance na makalampas pa ulit sa akin.”

 

I smiled again. Yes, I still like this guy—wait, who the hell was I kidding? I think ‘like’ is not enough to describe what I feel for this guy. I know I still love him. I just hope things won’t get messed up the way I am overthinking.

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AN: How is it? Ang drama. Huhu. Expect the unexpected next chap ;))

-H.D. <3