Come Back Home

Dara

I stood there over the sink for a good ten minutes feeling sick to my stomach. To the point I felt as if I wanted to throw up, but that was just it.

It was just a feeling and nothing came up, it was then I decided to cup my hand filling it with a bit of water. Raising the water to my lips I let out a sigh trying to keep myself calm.

I stood there closing my eyes trying to concentrate and hoping the room would stop spinning. With my back against the wall, I clutched my hands to my chest breathing in and out.

My body shivering beneath me. Why am I feeling this way? I began to break a sweat and that's when I tried reaching the door, but before I could I found myself over the toilet.

I guess my coughs were pretty loud for that is when Chaerin ran in. She slammed the door behind her and took my hair out of my face.

She started to rub my back without saying a word, instead she sat there comforting me until I was finished.

She grabbed a rag and wiped my face, it was then I gave up and broke down into her chest.

Our bodies sitting there on the floor rocking back and forth as the room spinned through my tears. Chaerin started to stroke my hair while making hushing sounds.

"Chaerin..." I gasped "I am so scared."

I clutched her shirt in between my fingers. Burrowing my face into her shoulder, she let out a sigh yet she wouldn't shed a tear.

Instead she kept her composure for me, "There is nothing wrong with being scared," she started "but, you can not let fear win."

I curled into her lap as if I were small enough to fit. "Dara, you are not alone in this," she grasped me tightly "you are strong and you are a fighter, we are fighters and we will fight with you."

I managed to calm down more with her soothing voice rather than her words of wisdom.

"I just..." I choked up a bit "feel so lonely and empty, with this disease, Chaerin I'm going to die anyways, why does my life matter now?"

CL let out a sigh, not a sigh of disappointment nor annoyance, but a sigh of compassion.

She propped me up and looked over at a frame of my family's portrait. "You see those people in that frame there?" She asked pointing.

I looked over and nodded "use them to fight this, use me, use Minzy, and Bom.." she paused "use us to fight for your life, Dara it is not over, this is only the beginning."

I wiped my face before staring at the portrait myself. Seeing my kids at their happiest, my husband's gleaming face. Seeing their happy faces and then looking back at CL's reassuring face, made me realize I was being selfish.

"I'm sorry," I began " I'm only thinking of myself and not the fact I have people around me who care."

She pulled me into and embrace "that is a normal thing to do in this situation, no one is blaming you for the way you feel Dara."

"I don't know what I would do without you," I said holding her tightly.

CL took my hands and brought me up with her, wrapping my arm around her neck.

She walks me to my room gently helping me get into bed, "tomorrow we will go see a doctor about this panic attack, Alright?"

I nodded my head "thank you."

She helped me into bed and gave my forehead a gentle kiss.

Before she left the room completely she turned around with a smile "No Dara, Thank you for existing."