Come Back Home

GoodBye

Dara

They were able to stabilize Chiwon last night, but the chances of him surviving were slim.

My world was slowly crumbling beneath my feet and for what? What did I do to deserve this? What did my family do to deserve this?

I didn't want to leave my room that night, I didn't want to talk to anyone that night. All I wanted to do was be alone and pray, pray that my family would find guidance.

That my children would make it through this difficult time. I simply prayed that my life would be normal again.

Chaerin slowly walked into my room "do you want to pray together?"

I looked at her with silence, it seems as if she read my mind for she sat next to me taking my hands into hers and bowing her head.

We sat there praying in silence for a good five minutes before I lost control. "Chaerin, I am sorry, but I just can't," I confessed.

"Can't what sweetie?"

"I can't be strong anymore, look where it has gotten me," I took my hands back and hugged myself.

"Everyday I wake up and it all feels like a nightmare that I can't escape, each day gets progressively worst."

Chaerin was about to speak up when a doctor walked in. He looked as if he hasn't slept for days with his red puffy eyes and disheveled hair.

The news didn't come easy, hell if anything I went completely numb. The world stopped and came down around me.

"Don't go
Don't say you're gonna leave me
Don't leave me behind in the memories
Don't look at my tears that can't hold onto you
Just don't go"

The doctor cleared his throat and with his eyes casted towards the floor he mentioned the words that I wish he never spoken "I am sorry we did everything we could do to save him, but Chiwon passed away this morning."

I cry as if my tears were to bring him back. I closed my eyes and bowed my head "I don't believe this," I managed to say.

I felt arms wrap around me tightly and I found myself caving into her warmth.

"Don't be deceived
Don't fall for the temptation
Nothing lasts forever
When winter passes, spring will come again, you know this
Just don't go"

I finally couldn't hold it all in, as she held me I wailed "why me!?"

"When today is over it feels like tomorrow will be different
Will my life be ok without you?
Until the day we meet again,
Goodbye goodbye."

She started rocking me back and forth making slight hushing sounds. My head was pounding and my heart was breaking, is this what it it feels like?

Your dream coming true and within a instance something you cherished the most is taken from you.

"Don't forget
Even when things are hard sometimes, it's OK
When you wanna lean on someone, come to me
Though I can't be with you forever
It's just for a moment"

Just for a moment I wish I could hold him, tell him I love him one last time.

Just for a moment I wish the time would stop and my family was whole again.

"Until the faraway day when we meet again
Goodbye, goodbye
Does anyone know, does anyone know
How it makes me feel
Until the day we meet again,
Goodbye goodbye"

Chaerin managed to calm me down with the help of my weakness I just melted into the bed.

I laid there motionless letting Chaerin push my hair behind my ears as she still sat by my side.

The day turned into night and I found myself with my kids sleeping next to me. As comforting as it is having them by me, a piece of me that I will never get back and that gave me half of my strength to fight this cancer has left me.

"Until the day we meet again,
Goodbye goodbye
Until the faraway day when we meet again
Goodbye goodbye

No goodbye, goodbye"

Chiwon, how am I suppose to do this without you? How are the kids suppose to fight with me without your guidance?

You were the glue that held this family together now that you are not here, will we be able to get through this rollercoaster called life?