The Devil Wears Girl Jeans [BEING EDITED]

The Devil Wears Girl Jeans (Chapter 60)

“Dallas?” I called, stumbling out the front door and out into the field that was Nana's front yard. There was another yelp from my right, and I ran towards it, fearing the worst. When I rounded the corner, Dallas was thrashing on the ground, pinned there by something vaguely human shaped.

“Help!” he sobbed, punching and kicking at the person on top of him, trying to get free. Without thinking, I kicked the thing on top of him as hard as I could, and it stumbled off of him, tumbling to the ground a few feet away. Dallas stood up immediately, pulling up his pants and wiping a tear off of his cheek.

“What the hell?” I asked, staring at a goat as it got back to its feet. Dallas let out a shaky breath, and dusted himself off.

“I was just trying to pee, man. Have you ever tried pissing in the dark? It's not an enjoyable experience in the first place, and then while I was just standing there in the outhouse, minding my own business, that asshole comes up and attacks me.” he fumed, pointing angrily at the goat. The goat bleated back, which was probably some horrible insult in goat language.

“Dallas, honestly, I'm embarrassed to know you.” I sighed, turning to walk back into the house. He jogged to keep up, trying to explain himself.

“You don't understand, that goat was crazed. He started headbutting the outhouse and I tried calmly asking him to stop, but I mean he wouldn't listen and I think talking to him just made him angrier.”

“Well yeah, I'd be angry too if some guy with an American accent and lisp started yelling at me.” I grunted, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. The sun was rising just over the mountains, and somewhere nearby, a rooster let out a noise that made it sound like it was being strangled to death. Id always thought roosters only cawed in movies, but apparently it was legit. Who knew?

When we entered the house, the first thing we heard was a loud crash, followed by a curse, followed by Tristan stumbling out of the kitchen in his boxers. I looked at him, and then at Dallas, and then down at myself, and realized that neither of us were wearing pants either.

“Well then,” Dallas said, apparently realizing the same thing. I briefly considered walking upstairs and putting on pants, but I mean, why wear pants when you can instead not wear pants?

“So Tristan,” Dallas started, hopping up on to the kitchen counter beside a pile of burnt toast that I assumed Tristan had made while Dallas was busy getting attacked by a goat, and I was busy saving him. “Did you get any action last night?”

A look of pure horror crossed Tristan's face, and Dallas wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“What?”

“You and Nana shared a bed all night, I'm sure something must have gone down.”

“You are a disgusting human being,” Tristan muttered, throwing a tea towel at him, “She is literally five times my age.”

“Still, doesn't mean th-”

Dallas was thankfully cut off by Lacey, who stormed into the kitchen and slammed a stack of papers onto the table in front of Tristan, not even bothering to say good morning. Her face was pale and she wore a crazed expression, her hair forming a halo of tangles around her face.

“What're these?” Tristan asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he flipped through the stack, his face growing paler with every second. After a long minute, he looked at her and choked out, “Where did you find these?”

“I was digging through the hall closet trying to find a blanket because its cold as tits in our room, and I found that in a shoebox.” she explained, biting the side of her thumb like she always did when she was nervous.

Dallas and I exchanged a look, before moving around to the other side of the table so we could see what they were looking at. In his hands were a stack of photos, and every single one of them was a picture of him where it was obvious that he hadn't known he was being photographed. One of him napping on the couch. One of him through the crack of the bathroom door, his shirt off and his pants partially unbuttoned right before he was about to get into the shower. Another one from last night, of him sleeping.

“I knew something was up. I never understood her creepy fascination with you. This is just too far, that lady has something seriously wrong with her.” Lacey muttered, digging through the fridge.

Tristan continued to stare at the pictures on the table, his hands trembling.

“Hartley?” he said quietly, his voice wavering, “Can you go wake up Sammy and Quinn for me? Tell them to pack their stuff. I think we've over stayed our welcome.”

*********************************************

“Yeah, let's walk to the nearest town, that'll be the smartest thing we'll ever do in our lives.” Quinn grumbled from behind me, his luggage thumping over the uneven dirt road. Since we had no car, and the town had no busses, nor did it have electricity, we couldn't even call a cab. So we were stuck walking into town, which turned out to be roughly two hours away in the sweltering Tennessee weather.

“Shut up, man. It's only like another 15 minutes. You'll live.” Dallas snapped, poking him in the back of the knee caps with a stick he'd picked up somewhere along the way. Sammy trudged silently beside me, kicking a stone every few steps, while Lacey somehow managed to glare at all of us at once. That girl possessed some real talent.

“Do you guys see that?” Tristan said suddenly, stopping right in front of me, causing me to crash into him. He steadied me, still staring off down the deserted road. Up ahead, I saw a spot of blue, and a smile immediately spread across my face. We were saved.

A minute later, the blue van pulled up beside us, and a greasy looking guy in his twenties waved at us. His friend was slouched in the passengers seat, his dreadlocks covered by a backwards baseball cap, and both of them looked like they could use a shower.

“Where y'all heading?” he asked, and Tristan and Quinn walked up to the window to talk to him.

“No where, really. Our previous living arrangements didn't really work out, so now we're just wanderers.” Quinn shrugged, and the guys face lit up.

“Dudes, come with us. We're heading down to Seattle for this art festival, we have room for you guys in the back.”

The six of us exchanged looks, and in a moment of complete insanity, Lacey shrugged and said, “Sure.”

This was going to be one hell of a trip home.