Only You

twenty-five

It was the next day and I had caught a cold, probably from taking such a cold shower at night. A while ago I was with one of my patients and she had told me that the nurse- an intern had been very confused when she tried diagnosing her child.

I had called all of them into the conference and was waiting for them to show up. The meeting room was bleak and empty, I couldn't help but match it with what I felt inside. I didn't know if this was devastation or just me feeling overwhelmed. Dr. Khan did say he'd be at my house, and I had mentally prepared myself to talk to him out of any interest he may have had in me.

I thought this through multiple times. If I married Dr. Khan it would cause nothing but harm. The sorrow I was feeling would eventually go away but the guilt of breaking a family wouldn't.

The door opened and the five of them walked in as I went straight into business.

"I've been getting way too many reports that my nurses were 'confused'" I said sternly.

They all simultaneously looked down, as a harsher side of me came out.

"What exactly is so difficult? This is the hospital, those are real patients, not dummies. There is no place for you to show how disoriented you are to the patients. I don't know what the hell you've been doing but if you can't act right might as well head back to your damn campus." I spat.

"We're sorry," they mumbled.

I tried taking a deep breath but my stuffed nose stressed me further.

"Until the end of this week, none of you are to attend any patients. I want you to be studying and studying hard. If you can't get rid of this confusion take it somewhere else." I said.

"Dismissed," I added.

One by one they walked out, and I scrunched my nose at the sinus pain. I took a seat and held my head facing down.

"Tough day, huh?"

I looked at the door and saw Jacob leaning against it.

Not being able to answer him I looked away, as the tears formed in my eyes. It wasn't good that I was getting used to this emotional outburst, sensing that I've had too many these past days.

"Huda, Zahra told me what's going on." He said taking a seat next to me.

I looked at my hands as a tear dropped.

"You don't have to do this." He said.

"Yes, I do. I don't like this pain but I'm doing it for him! I have to....it'll be better for him and Haniah." I said, my voice turning raspier.

"It could be, but first love isn't always true love. You don't know if she's the one for him and if he's the one for you, and you know what, even if she is so what? F it! This was your first shot at love, you'll learn and move on. It's hard right now I know, but maybe it's the start of something better. The harder it is to get something the more worthy it is." He said.

I looked at him speak as he looked back at me and then suddenly chuckling.

"I didn't realize how much you resemble a chipmunk," He said touching his chin and analyzing my face.

I rolled my eyes at him and leaned back.

"Huda, you should talk to him now. He's currently in his office I saw him earlier." Jacob said.

"I don't think I can," I mumbled as my voice cracked.

"Hey, you can do it I know you can. I promise you this pain is temporary and something better is waiting. Be patient, I'm here for you no matter what." He said his eyes glowing with genuine care.

I nodded at him once taking a deep breath.

"I'm going to go," I said getting up.

"Okay,"

I walked closer and closer to Dr. Khan's office, as my heart became heavier and heavier.

The elevator opened with a ding as I took the turn to his office. Until I was stopped by a voice.

I listened closely and it was Mariam.

"Humza, I left for you two if I didn't leave they would've harmed you guys. Remember the time I canceled the lunch you and Ammi were going to have at my house, I didn't have the money to give to them, they bad come in Ma's house and broke her stuff. You were an intern at that time, I couldn't ask you for help you were working so hard. Please Humza, please believe me." She cried.

I flinched as the cries became muffled. I dared to come out and see what was happening.

I took a step forward and saw Mariam hugging Dr. Khan as she sobbed, clenching his shirt. He had his eyes closed like he was contemplating something but then he raised his hand to rest it on her head.

My chest clenched, as the lump in my throat pained. My head was spinning and my eyes burnt.

Ya Allah, I will do anything but please please make this pain go away. I looked at the two in front of me as I tore apart, the tears falling one by one. My eyes met with widened ones that belonged to no other than him.

I looked down as he broke apart and walked towards me. I instantly turned around running to the elevator despairingly clicking the close door button.

The doors closed as I was moments away from collapsing. Falling to the floor and crying my pain away.

I dreadingly walked to my office feeling senseless. Not bothering to sit in my chair the door shut close as I fell to the cold floor, weeping.

My door burst open and I looked behind me to see my three friends.

They looked at me as I looked back at them. I shook my head continuously.

They bent down and pulled me into their warmth, as I helplessly wept over my fate.

This was devastation.