Only You

forty-one

"Asalam Alaikum." Humza and I said as we entered the house.

"Walikum Asalam," Aunty and Uncle replied from the couch.

Haniah noticing us made sounds as she looked towards us.

"Asalam Alaikum." Humza cooed, bending down a little far from Haniah to see if she could try to come to him.

I stood behind him watching as Haniah tried to push herself forward laying flat on her belly, I gasped proudly as she made a tremendous effort and actually came forward, and then began to cry looking at Humza.

Humza laughed as he picked her up and kissed her, while she nuzzled into him. I just stood there grinning at the two.

"Did you guys eat anything?" Aunty asked, getting up.

I nodded at Aunty, while Humza shook his head.

"You didn't eat?" I asked him,

"Got called down to the ER during the break." He replied.

"Aunty, did you and Uncle eat yet?" I asked

"Ah yes beta, Humza comes home late we usually eat before him, I made some Karahi. " Aunty said.

"I'll heat it up, Aunty you should go rest now." I smiled at her.

"You eat too okay?" She caressed my head before leaving for her room.

I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge to heat the leftover dinner, I placed it into the microwave. I took out the pre-made dough and made two rotis. I cooked the bread thoroughly and set it on a plate.

I picked up the two plates and put it on the dining table, as Humza got up making his way to put Haniah in her high-chair.

"Let me go wash my hands." He said.

I nodded at him and took a seat by Haniah. Giving her a piece of Roti to suck on as she looked at me with her big doe eyes.

I looked at her and I began to think about the efforts I was going to have put in to make her feel more comfortable around me. Everything was going well so far, and she didn't seem to ignore me or dislike me, but I have to be a mom for her- how was I going to begin?

"Jazakallah." Humza's voice broke my chain of thoughts.

Soon enough, I had washed the dishes and placed them back as Humza went upstairs with Haniah.

I dwelled in my uncertainness of motherhood and felt more insecure by the second. I finally turned the light off and also headed back to our room.

I entered the room to see Humza swaying Haniah- who had now changed as opposed to Humza who was still in his work clothes. I smiled at the sight in front of me and went inside the bathroom to get ready for bed.

I performed wudu, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then changed into my pajama set, as I brushed my hair.

A knock on the door disturbed the silence as I opened the door.

"That was quick," I said, looking behind Humza to a sleeping Haniah.

"It's 12 AM," Humza reminded me.

"So late for a baby," I said.

"So what's bothering you?" Humza said, unbuttoning his shirt in the closet.

I looked at him with a blank expression, as I wondered upon what to say.

"Nothing," I replied, putting my brush away.

Humza came out out of the closet shirtless in his pajama pants.

"You've been in deep thought since we've entered the house." He said, starting to brush his teeth.

I looked down as I queried how to explain my worries to him, I didn't know what I was worried about.

I felt a hand on my waist, as I looked up. Humza pulled me up- setting me on the counter as he looked at me.

"Is this about Haniah?" He asked.

"What is it?" He added.

"I'm nervous," I said.

"What for?"

"I want to look after Haniah too, but she's really close to you and that sets the bar for me really high. I- well I don't know how to start. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." I spoke.

"Huda, you've already started. Haniah likes you more than you think, you make her laugh more than I have ever made her laugh honestly. She doesn't sleep so easily but she seems to fall asleep in your arms. Besides, there isn't one kid at the hospital who doesn't like you. You're like a master with the kids!"

"You just have to be yourself, baby. There's no 'start' or who she likes more. You are the greatest blessings she and I have." He said, putting my hair behind my ear.

I inhaled, as a few tears dripped down my face.

"Okay, Dr. Khan." I sniffed, wiping my tears.

He laughed, as he pulled my face closer to his for a kiss.

- - - - - -

"Huda, I have to go to the ER again," Humza said, as he came out of the bathroom dressed in his scrubs at 6 A.M

"What! It's so early. And it's raining!" I said putting my Quran down.

"I know," He shook his head, as he put his socks on.

"I'll be back soon, Inshallah." He pecked me as he left the room in a hurry.

I shook my head, may Allah have mercy on the patients.

I looked to left, and Haniah was thankfully asleep. So I read my Quran a bit more, the rain began streaming and the sky fell a little dark. I put the precious book down and made some dua.

The ambiance outside made me more drowsy as I laid back into bed, falling asleep to the sound of rain hitting the window.

Suddenly, the thunder rumbled and along with came a shriek from Haniah's crib. I quickly got out of the bed and picked up Haniah, holding her tight as I soothed her.

"It's okay, It's okay, It's just rain Jaan, just rain," I spoke quietly.

The thunder resounded yet again, and Haniah sobbed harder to the frightening sounds of nature.

"Allahu laaa ilaaha illaa huwal haiyul qai-yoom; laa taakhuzuhoo sinatunw wa laa nawm." I recited slowly, but loudly in a calming melodic voice.

I sat down against the headboard, as I cradled her in my arms. She watched at me as I read the beautiful Ayah to her. The thunder didn't stop for the next hour or so, but neither me or Haniah minded.

Because I held her close to me, as we slept for the next few hours pleasantly in the comfort of each other.