Only You

thirty-five

The henna cone pricked my hand as the fresh scent of henna danced around the room. Zahra and I were getting our henna done together. I always grew up imagining myself with henna clad hands and a beautiful heavy red dress as I got married to a prince and now that it was actually happening it was unreal. All the things I've achieved held a very unique significance to me; high school, university, medical school, graduation, my first job, what not but marriage- this was different.

I was thrilled though of course nervous, marriage was going to the biggest chapter of my life- half of my deen, and my utmost priority. I didn't know if I was ready for the challenges it would hold, but I knew I was ready to face them with all my strength. I wasn't just going to become a wife, but I was also going to become a mother and I was ready to give everything to make Haniah feel loved.

"God, Mehendi is so beautiful. Yet so painful." Zahra groaned, stretching her neck as the lady scolded her for moving yet again.

I smiled at her leaning back into my chair a little blowing on my finished left hand.

"What if we get called to work during the wedding?" I asked Zahra.

"Don't remind me of that possibility, I made too many dua's BEGGING for anything but that to happen. Imagine me and you rushing to the ER with our heels and makeup packed faces." She replied.

I laughed as I imagined Zahra and me in the ER with our embroided red clothing treating a patient.

"Let's hope nothing ruins the special day," I said.

"It's done." The lady said to me.

"Wow! Thank you." I smiled.

I looked at both of my hands perfectly painted with henna from the tips of my finger all the way to my wrist and then immediately got up to stretch my cramped muscles.

"I'm going to get my feet done too!" Zahra claimed.

"Good Luck, I cannot sit anymore. This is enough for me." I said walking to the kitchen to get some water.

I looked at Ammi who was reading something on her phone on the bar stool.

"Ma, please help me drink water," I said.

She smiled at me putting her phone down and grabbing a water bottle putting it to my lips. I finished drinking and showed her my hands as she looked at them proudly.

"You should go get yours done, Ma," I said.

"Okay," She kissed my head.

Two hours passed, and it was now time for skincare. Usually, there is a whole tradition where you get Haldi put on your face and arm by your family and friends, but since our wedding was simplistic Zahra and I just put it on each other in my bathtub laughing our heads off over stupid things- it was great.

Today we were going to get an at-home facial by Bhabi herself. Bhabi loved skincare, and makeup and she was really excellent at it since she went to cosmetology school for 3 years. I went first and almost fell asleep with the soothing motions of her hands.

Now that it was Zahra's turn, I took Zahra's place to chat with Bhabi.

"Did you ever ask Bhai if he wanted a boy or a girl," I asked.

"Not really, but I think he wants a boy." She said.

"Of course, didn't Abbu tell you about the time I was about to be born and he wanted a baby brother so bad he prayed 'don't give me food just give me a brother!'...idiot." I scoffed as I mocked my brother.

Bhabi laughed as she told Zahra to stay still, and wait for 20 minutes but Zahra was already knocked out.

"So, you're also soon to be a mother." She smiled taking a seat next to me.

I shivered at her remark.

"Yeah. It's a little scary."

"Tell me about it."

"Haniah is really young and that's an advantage because she'll be more open to changes. So when I start to live with her I want to give and do everything a devoted mother would. When she's at a age of understanding relationships, I can tell her I'm not her biological mother but by the time I tell her that I hope I have loved her enough to still be considered a mother figure."

"Oh Huda, I am sure Haniah will love you. You are so caring, and besides your like a kid magnet. Tell me one child that doesn't like you." She said,

"It's still very odd and freaky, what if she doesn't want me to be her mother when she grows up?" I asked.

"She's a baby, she will be attached to you if you just give her the slightest amount of love and comfort. There's no way Haniah will ever reject you." Bhabi said.

"To be honest, in all of the chaos that happened. I never once doubted my desire to be Haniah's mother, it just felt so pure, so right." I said.

"Is 20 minutes over." A muffled voice interrupted

"Coming." Bhabi laughed.

Tomorrow would be the big day, not only the start of my love life but also the start of motherhood. But I knew this was what I wanted, and every ounce in me was ready for it.