A Descent into Darkness

Hello Friends

"Hello? Nate?" I hear Veronica call as she comes in the front door. I'm in the upstairs bathroom preparing a hilariously cruel surprise for her. But don't judge me. I'm only doing this for payback after she deflated my tires as a prank last month. Which she did because I planted ghost chilli peppers on her pizza. Which I did because she put a virus on my phone making it play James Taylor's "You Got a Friend" non-stop for nine hours, unable to turn the volume down or use headphones. This has been going on so long that neither of us remembers who fired the first shot. I still say she did, but only because it sounds better for me.

"I'm upstairs!" I call back from the bathroom while making sure there's no sign I was just tampering with the containers. It's hard to keep the maniacal laughter out of my voice. This will be the worst thing I've ever done to Veronica. Especially rough if, as I suspect from the fact she's arriving alone, this new guy stood her up. But she deserves it. She should not have given me chocolate laxatives at Easter last year. I spent the whole three hours on the toilet planning my revenge. Those other pranks in between were just small fodder while I bid my time. It's a miracle the thought of killing her never crossed my mind once.

I finish my check of the bathroom and hurry back downstairs to the kitchen where Veronica has opened and is scanning the fridge.

"I thought you guys had mac and cheese last night," she complains, clearly frustrated. "Since when do you guys not have leftovers?"

"I don't know, Liza must have had it for lunch," I reply, trying to sound confused as to what's bothering her, even though I've figured it out. I look around the room. "Where's this guy you were talking about bringing?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started," she groans while sitting at the island and leaning back, staring at the ceiling. "I am so fucking sick of Tinder. They swipe right because of how hot I am on the outside and then leave because they can't stand how smart I am. And he has to wait for my fucking birthday to do it!"

"Ah, I'm sorry Vee," I reply sympathetically before opening the fridge myself. "Anything I can get you? A beer maybe?"

"I wish," she says, regretfully. "If I get drunk, I'll just end up with some new asshole guy. I wish I were gay, or at least bisexual. Maybe women aren't such big assholes as men. Liza and Bianca sure seem happy."

"You see what they want you to," I note while retrieving a bottle of water from the fridge and pushing it shut. "Me, I get a much clearer picture and I can tell you they have their share of problems. Though I will admit they do seem truly in love."

"Ha, love, what even is that?" Veronica ponders semi-seriously while spinning in her chair. "I'm starting to think I'm unlovable. Greg was my third guy this year, and it's just February."

"They're loss," I reply comfortingly while sitting next to her. "At least you've had relationships, pathetic as they may be. Unlike me, who's crushingly single. Plus, sounds like he's an asshole. Why would you want to spend your life with him?"

"Honestly at this point I'd settle for an asshole as long as he weren't Lonnie," she leans her head on the island in frustration. "I hate that he's still the only serious relationship I've had. I HATE it."

Lonnie Wilkins was Veronica's high school boyfriend who took her virginity on prom night at the after party. An hour later, she found him fucking Caitlin Mays whom, ironically, had been my date that night. Apparently, Caitlin had agreed to go with me on the assumption I would be like any other boy and want to fuck her. And when I didn't, she went looking for someone who would. At the same time, Lonnie decided he wanted someone more experienced than Veronica, or so the gossip afterwards said.

"As for you," she says looking at me. "A guy like you could get all the pussy he wants if he tried. You know Syed and I used to think you were gay?"