A Descent into Darkness

True Guilt

Rachel was lying back on her couch, her heart still racing, her face pale. She had already been freaked out over what happened with Liza the previous day, but that call from Liza's phone earlier had spooked her even more. What if her refusing Liza again meant that she would expose her to Nate as she had done the previous night? What would Nate think of her?

Why had she agreed to go with Nate to meet Liza? Well, she knew why. Because if she was going to be with Nate, she couldn't be hiding her face from his sister forever. And Nate was clearly getting suspicious by her hesitancy. And Rachel liked Nate. She had since elementary school. After agreeing to go see Liza, she had been hoping, praying in fact, that Liza either would not remember her, or would have moved past what happened with the overdose last time.

Lord knew Rachel was still wracked with guilt for how that turned out. The overdose was bad enough. But then all that business with Lucas Remar? At first, Rachel had planned on stopping. Drug dealing had to that point, just been the typical teen rebellion for her. The thrill of dealing what was, for most people, a little harmless fun. She had even considered turning herself in, the guilt was so much, though she did realize she didn't have the courage for that.

While Liza had been a regular customer, had she known how bad her problems were, she would have cut her off.

Rachel had vowed that night to never deal another pill or bag of powder again. But a week later, her mother had gotten back the results of her test. The only possible treatment for the cancer was a private lab in Germany, and it was not cheap. A bad debt in the past, which despite having been paid off, had not repaired the credit score, meant a loan wasn't happening.

Not wanting her parents to choose between her Mom's treatment and her education, Rachel told them she applied for and received a scholarship with the U of T.

The way they hugged her after she told them this made it impossible for her to back out of the drugs now. Her internship didn't pay anything. And McDonald's wasn't going to make up the difference.

So, reluctantly, she had stayed on with her supplier. But she had vowed this time would be different. No more giving people multiple doses at once, no more giving to people with serious problems like Liza, and only until the financial problems were over. But that didn't stop the guilt over what she was doing. She expected never to have any interactions with the Rivers family again.

Then that night at the bar, all those months ago, where she had been drowning her guilt in alcohol had changed everything.

"This stool taken?" the woman she now knew to be Erin had asked her.

"If it is, I don't care," Rachel replied over the music.

Erin took her seat. "Geez, what's got you all grumpy?"

Rachel glared at the new arrival. "People who can't read a fucking face that someone doesn't want to talk. That's what has me grumpy."

Erin raised her hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm sorry. Here," she turned to the bartender, "all these woman's drinks are on me tonight."

Now it was Rachel's turn to ask the questions. "Sorry, I make it clear I don't want to talk to you and you buy my drinks? What's got you all charitable?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk," Erin snarked. She looked at Rachel and smiled. "Let's just say I've been a bit depressed lately. Thought I may try bringing joy into the world for once."

Rachel laughed. "Girl, I don't think there's enough joy in the universe to fix the problems I'm having."

"Oh, I doubt that," Erin replied as the bartender handed her a drink. "Maybe sometimes, people just need a friend to talk to.