A Descent into Darkness

Mario Kart

"Fuck!" Liza throws her controller to the ground as I come in first while playing Mario Kart. She crosses her arms and leans back on the couch, making grumbling sounds under her breath. I barely notice it however.

She apparently notices that I'm not really registering her reaction, because she turns to me and says, "What is it, big bro?"

"Huh?" I stir from my daze which, not to brag, I was kind of in while playing and still won the race.

"You never win and aren't a total dick about it. What's on your mind?"

Fuck, she is perspective. I really don't give her enough credit.

I could bullshit her and say it's nothing, but she's the only one who knows me better than Syed and Veronica, except perhaps Dr. James. If they've managed to notice when something is off with me, I don't stand a chance with her.

I turn on the couch to face her. "Can I ask you a very personal question?"

"Depends," she replies in her usual sarcastic tone, "is it about my period?"

"Um, no."

"Then fire away."

She always knows how to make me laugh. "It's just, this new girl I'm seeing, I'm worried."

"What do you mean?" The sarcasm has been removed from her voice, replaced with genuine concern.

What I actually mean is that Dr. Sanchez's remarks about me and Rachel being a ticking time bomb has really stuck with me, the more I think about it. I had at least nine homicidal thoughts while walking the length of a city block to get coffee today. Yet, I've somehow already ruled out the possibility that I could snap and try something against the girl I've probably fantasized about killing more than anyone else I know, except Lucas Remar?

Unfortunately, I can't very well disclose that fact to my sister. I will need to bullshit her to at least some extent.

"Well, and please forgive me for bringing this up, it is not meant to judge you in any way. But you hid your addiction issues from us for years. I was wondering if you also hid them from Bianca?"

"Whoa." I can tell she was not expecting my question to get so deep into the issues of her past. "Um... Well... Do you promise never to repeat what I'm about to say here to anyone?"

"Don't worry sis, I can keep a secret."

Liza puts down her controller and taps her knees as if deep in thought. "She knew I did drugs, but I hid from her just how bad it was. She hated me for it when you all found out on the night of the party. But we were able to move past it. She realized just how much I was struggling on the inside and how hard it was for me to speak up about it. Not that she exactly could have broken up with me, given she was staying with us and all after she was outed to her Dad."

That's true, Bianca actually was forced to come live with us for a couple months after Liza's overdose. Though, hiding out may be a more accurate description. Turns out her father wasn't exactly thrilled to learn she was into girls.

"Did you intend to tell her?" I ask. "Or were you hoping it would stay buried forever?"

Liza looks even more uncomfortable. "It was one of those things where I told myself I was going to tell her, just to shut my conscience up, but never really intended to," she admits. They her eyes laser in on me. "Okay buddy, your turn. What is this about? You're obviously hiding something. But I can't figure out what would be bothering you so much of all people A couple days ago, I'd never seen you more excited at the prospect of being in a relationship. Hell, Veronica, Syed and I all thought you were gay and were too embarrassed to say anything."