A Mother's Pride

Chapter 4

Chris' POV

When I woke up this morning, I went straight to her room. I thought maybe if I apologized for making her mad yesterday, things won't be tense between us.

The door was open, the bed was neatly stretched out and there was no sign of Mmampho. I checked her wardrobe and it was empty, all her clothes were gone. I know she said she was leaving but I thought she was going to wait until she eats breakfast. Her room still smelt like her and I took a moment to take it all in, it's the same perfume I always got her but mixed with a different scent of the body spray she uses, I wouldn't know. I closed my eyes and inhaled the sweet and last scent of Mmampho, because I will never get the chance to inhale it again.

Thinking about it raises the hair on my skin and raises my anxiety levels. I did not think that I would lose her that easily. I never thought that we would get to this point. Also, I thought, okay she said no but at least she would live with me and I would get to see her beautiful face everyday. I had forgotten that Thabo coming back into her life meant that she had an alternative place to live at and I was not all she had anymore. She has another option- to be with the father of her kids, to sleep there because he would be able to take care of all of them and just maybe between the lines, they would fall for each other again. That thought just created a huge lump in my throat.

I rashly made my way to her children's rooms and all their clothes were gone too. She left me, for the second time. No actually, I let her slip away for the second time. It was over.

Look on the bright side, the words that keep me going in this world echo in my mind.
I analyze the situation and see if I can find a bright side.

Mmampho left me, she is never going to be mine, I had already fallen deeply in love with her, I will probably never see her again because I have no idea where she went.

On the bright side...

I got nothing after minutes of thinking about it. It was over. My job and Gift were the only things I had and will always have. Mavis too, she can be good company sometimes but we hardly hang out. When I get back from work, I normally have to drop her off then come home to eat. My big lounge table won't have anyone but me around it, it will be very lonely.

My Mmampho won't be here to share the meals with me.

By this time, she would probably come down because she would have just showered, wearing one of the floral dresses she usually wears around the house. She would be walking gracefully down the stairs smiling at me as she approached the table.

She would call me Chris or handsome on the good days but I loved it anyway. I loved how she said my name, putting a lot of hard emphasis on the "r"- her tongue would vibrate on her palate as she says the "r".

Mmampho liked to bite her lip whenever I smiled at her and I don't think she noticed how that made my day. But before she did that, she would graze on her lip with her tongue slowly as if she was preparing to kiss me. And oh, the way she looked at me, it was priceless, as if it was the last gaze of me she would have in this world. I could never get enough of her.

It feels lonely without her and those two around the house. I miss the way Lesedi and Naledi used to argue around the house, making so much noise about who got to the television first.

I used to take Lesedi to my room to play XBox with him in order to avoid all that arguing. Mmampho would thank me all the time. I really enjoyed spending time with Lesedi. He's a sweet little boy.

I didn't spend much time with Naledi but she was sweet too. She has her mother's attitude and energy and it would help me picture the young Mmampho. I just figured that that is how Mmampho was when she was Naledi's age. I would've loved to know that Mmampho.

Before her, I had never cried in front of a woman or let myself be vulnerable in front of anyone else. My sister was the only one I could pour out my feelings out to. I cannot believe she left me to fight this world on my own. She was younger than me but yet had the best encouraging words for me. She would tell me how I should go about this situation. She was my best friend and honestly I thought that is what Mmampho would be, it pains me that I had thought wrong.

I feel like I didn't do everything in my power to keep her, like it's my fault that she left me. Is it my fault? Did I do everything in my power to keep her? Damn it! Why did I let her go?